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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Opened stockings without me.

192 replies

HepLaurenceLB · 25/12/2020 08:42

I have 3 boys under 5. I spend weeks planning their Xmas presents and stocking fillers. He went downstairs with the boys and opened all of the stockings without me.

He did nothing. Did not buy a single present or organise anything but he got to watch all 3 open their stockings. He said he thought it would be a treat for me to lie in ( until 7.30am) instead of watching. First lie in that he has ever given me. I am so pissed off.
I will suck it up and be jolly but he genuinely will not concede that he has been inconsiderate.

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 25/12/2020 09:26

I would have been terrifically upset by that. My two always brought their stockings into my bed in the morning. Lovely memories. Good advice to not let it ruin your day but have a different plan for next year.

FiddlefigOnTheRoof · 25/12/2020 09:28

Having spent many christmases with the occasional inconsiderate behaviour, I would enjoy everything and forget about it.
Then later, tell your husband without anger that you always like to see them open their stockings, that you felt it was ‘easy’ for him to give you a break (entertainment sorted!) and it would be more loving of him to give you a lie in more regularly. He can start on Boxing Day, and new years’ day, and every Sunday morning after that.

TheTinsellyLovelinessOfDemons · 25/12/2020 09:29

I voted YANBU, because I can see why it's upset you. My DC open their stockings in bed, because even though I woke up before them this morning, I was still tired.

BudgieHammockBananaSmuggler · 25/12/2020 09:29

Sounds like a misunderstanding and your DH was trying to be nice. You got to sleep without the toddlers for only the second time ever. Seems like this was the significant event that your DH didn’t want to spoil by an early morning.

Who can say really though as we don’t know what your DH is like normally. I don’t think you can call him a misogynist just on the details you have provided. And nor can we call you a martyr.

H1974 · 25/12/2020 09:30

I would be extremely annoyed, especially the kids being so young. Appreciate he may have thought he was letting you have a lie in, but who wants to have a lie in on Christmas Day with little ones. Seeing their little faces light up when they enter the room warms my heart.
We have the kids stockings on their bedroom doors and they come in our bedroom to open them and it's always been a rule that we all go downstairs together.

Honestly, I would be fuming if my partner let our kids open any of their presents without me seeing their delighted little faces. My partner could sleep through a brass band, I wouldn't dream of taking the kids downstairs without waking him.

Obviously, you know your partner and know whether it was done with malice or if his heart was in the right place. Definite put some rules in for next year.

Livpool · 25/12/2020 09:33

This wouldn't bother me but then me and DH share the load. Plus I thought stockings are the children to do alone.

Only you know your partner well enough to know if this was done with malice

Bing765 · 25/12/2020 09:33

I'd be annoyed that he didn't wake you up and also that he never usually let's you lie in and chooses Christmas day to be 'kind'. But try not to let it ruin your day. Tell him that he can get up with the kids for the next x amount of days since he was so keen to this morning. I'm sure there's other presents you can watch them open and as others have said, the stocking is used by many as a way to keep the kids busy whilst mum and dad get 10 more minutes in bed.

ReindeerAntlerLights · 25/12/2020 09:34

I paused my two when they were little when opening presents at PIL's house because MIL had to nip into the kitchen to put something in the oven. I just made them wait for Grandma to come back in because I knew FIL had had no input in the present buying and I wanted MIL to be there to see their little faces light up.

It is cruel to rob you of seeing them present opening no matter how small the gift.

ReindeerAntlerLights · 25/12/2020 09:35

Do you think this is your "punishment" for him doing a night shift with the children?

FortunesFave · 25/12/2020 09:35

I couldn't get annoyed about this...it's just a tiny part of the day. If you want him to do more next year, then make sure he does.

cautiouscovidity · 25/12/2020 09:39

You know him best. Was it done with genuine good - but ill-considered - intentions, thinking you'd love the lie-in and peace? Men, especially those who aren't involved in the buying / wrapping, probably don't see the significance of being there to watch them open the stockings.

Or was he trying to take all the credit?

If the former then let it go and enjoy the rest of the day. If the latter, LTB.

madcatladyforever · 25/12/2020 09:41

He is a complete shit. He stole the joy of all your planning and preparation and took it all for himself.

PicsInRed · 25/12/2020 09:42

It depends what he's usually like.

What it a mistake - and he meant well - or is it another "punishment" amongst a broader pattern of behaviour designed to control, punish and upset you? In other words, is he abusive?

If the former, talk to him so it doesn't happen again, if the latter, how nasty, this would be the last punishment.

MaskingForIt · 25/12/2020 09:43

@7yo7yo

He wants to take the credit for your hard work. Cunt.
They’re under 5. There is a high chance that Father Christmas is going to be taking all the credit for the work.
cansu · 25/12/2020 09:43

It does sound like good intentions so I would let it go.

PicsInRed · 25/12/2020 09:46

he never usually let's you lie in and chooses Christmas day to be 'kind

Yes, this jumps out at me too.

BigGreen · 25/12/2020 09:50

I'd be raging!! Totally out of order.

Jimjamjong · 25/12/2020 09:53

He didn't do anything? What is he going to do now? I'd let him cook and do his fair share of chores while you get to relax with the kids or have some rest.

CovidScrewedMyChristmas · 25/12/2020 09:54

Pretty sure the idea of a stocking at the end of a bed is to keep the kids busy and not bothering you for an extra bit of a lie in, so to me yabu. Genuinely that’s the idea in my family traditions. You watch them open the big presents.

Kayjay2018 · 25/12/2020 09:54

@HepLaurenceLB in the spirit of Christmas I'd approach it thinking he meant well and just misjudged the situation. If you feel like talking to him about it I'd wait till all the kids are asleep and just say how it made you feel.

Kaliorphic · 25/12/2020 09:56

I think that's a bit shit of him tbh.

AlwaysCheddar · 25/12/2020 09:58

Yabu for not telling him what a shit he is.

Oysterbabe · 25/12/2020 10:00

Here stockings are little bits and bobs; chocolate coins, bouncy balls etc. A lot of people would assume sleep would trump watching kids open those. There was probably no malice intended.

HugeAckmansWife · 25/12/2020 10:11

Bloody hell, he's a shit, a bastard, a misogynistic controlling horrible person because after seeing his wife presumably run herself ragged prepping he let her sleep in so she might not be knackered for the main events of the day. Stocking fullers are plastic tat to keep them quiet until a slightly more civilized hour. The kids are under 5, there is absolutely no sense of anyone other than Santa getting credit for anything and they will be bouncing off the walls all day. OP you can't help how you feel but there is masses of the day left to enjoy and I really don't see this as some major, or worse, deliberate transgression. If you must, have a quiet word much later or even tomorrow so it doesn't happen again but get on and enjoy the day.

ResignYourself · 25/12/2020 10:13

He can’t take credit - Santa bought everything!