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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Opened stockings without me.

192 replies

HepLaurenceLB · 25/12/2020 08:42

I have 3 boys under 5. I spend weeks planning their Xmas presents and stocking fillers. He went downstairs with the boys and opened all of the stockings without me.

He did nothing. Did not buy a single present or organise anything but he got to watch all 3 open their stockings. He said he thought it would be a treat for me to lie in ( until 7.30am) instead of watching. First lie in that he has ever given me. I am so pissed off.
I will suck it up and be jolly but he genuinely will not concede that he has been inconsiderate.

OP posts:
Mustbe3ormorecharacters · 25/12/2020 10:58

Sorry but I’m on his side with this one.

Mustbe3ormorecharacters · 25/12/2020 10:59

@Harmarsuperstar it’s literally impossible for you to be certain.

Sinful8 · 25/12/2020 11:02

"HepLaurenceLB

I slept through. He slept with the toddlers last night for the second time in 18 months so that I could get some sleep.

He wanted to teach you not to ask him to sleep with the toddlers again, and punish you at the same time"

Seriously?

Is everyone in your life a character written in Holywood?

Charlie63849 · 25/12/2020 11:03

Do you think he did it in a malicious way or genuinely wanted to give you a lay in?

Deadringer · 25/12/2020 11:04

It's impossible for us to know what his motivation was, but you know him op, if you think he was stealing your thunder he probably was. Personally i would be raging. Watching your dc opening their stocking/presents is one of the pleasures of parenting, a lovely reward for all the hard work that you put in. Some posters might not be bothered about seeing their dc getting their gifts, but you are so their feelings are not really relevant. It's done now but you need to make him understand how you feel.

Baconking · 25/12/2020 11:05

@Helmetbymidnight

As you slept through your DH getting out of bed and three under fives getting up, going downstairs and excitedly opening stockings....you must have been exhausted ...so on balance did the right thing

eh, the dh slept in the dcs room, and it doesnt say they went downstairs or what floor anyone was on.

what stopped the dh saying: honey, the dc want to open the stockings now, do you want to get up or lie in today?

If my DH wanted to give me a lie in the very last thing he should do is wake me to ask if I want a lie in as then I would be awake!
alittleprivacy · 25/12/2020 11:15

Why the fuck are people applying their standards and traditions to this situation? If the OP has gotten up to see her children (or at least her oldest child) open their stocking on previous Christmas mornings, then her husband knows damn well that they aren't designed to allow her a lie in. They are something she wants to see them open. So if they have that purpose in your house, that's great, that's your tradition that works for you. But don't try to gaslight the OP and minimise her feelings when that's the opposite of how she organises Christmas morning.

And anyone who thinks that it's crazy to think that this was a deliberate act by her husband is naive in the extreme. I hope that naivety comes from a genuine place of innocence because it's not what you have experienced and not because you have been groomed to accept this kind of emotional abuse as normal. 10 years ago, I was absolutely the latter. My husband pulled this kind of shit all the fucking time, it was a deliberate form of punishment and I was too used to it and too naive to see it. Thankfully I do now. And I see it in many, many of my friend's marriages and relationships. It's extremely, extremely common.

It's possible that the OP's husband has made a deliberate well intentioned mistake. But honestly, it's not the most likely. The most likely is that he either didn't give enough of a shit to actually consider her feelings and just did what felt best for himself in the moment. Or that this was a deliberate act to upset her. Neither is acceptable, though one is obviously much worse than the other.

coconutpie · 25/12/2020 11:19

This sounds deliberate. I'm sorry OP that he did this - I definitely think he needs to be told what a selfish inconsiderate thoughtless prick he is.

megletthesecond · 25/12/2020 11:23

I've never watched mine open their stockings, they do it themselves. I'm obviously a monster. Father Christmas brings them so I can have some peace on Xmas morning.
They have proper presents later.

wizzbangfizz · 25/12/2020 11:24

What a dick, sorry OP

JacobReesMogadishu · 25/12/2020 11:27

@megletthesecond

I've never watched mine open their stockings, they do it themselves. I'm obviously a monster. Father Christmas brings them so I can have some peace on Xmas morning. They have proper presents later.
Maybe this was also normal for,your husband when he was a kid. It wasn’t for me so I can see why you’re upset but if it was normal for him maybe that’s why he didn’t see the big deal?
DarthKaren · 25/12/2020 11:29

This sounds absolutely awful!!!!!!!

A clear case of gas lighting here!!!!!

ClaireP20 · 25/12/2020 11:29

But what is in a stocking anyway? A few sweets and maybe a pen or toy car...if he'd opened their sacks from santa i would agree but not when it's just the stockings.

Lovely1a2b3c · 25/12/2020 11:31

@Nooz

You missed their stockings and there is nothing you can do now

You will miss the next lovely moment because you're in a piss

Now that would be your fault.
And loss for the little ones.

DaffodilSmile

Yes I agree with Nooz.

I would be livid too but it sounds like your DH might actually have been trying to be nice by letting you rest so explain to him that it can never happen again and then enjoy the rest of Christmas!

Bonnieonthelam · 25/12/2020 11:35

Next time set an alarm, don’t hold expectations that he will ever do the right thing again. It’s v shitty that he did that - but let it go and let your kids enjoy the day. The tension will ruin it for them.

KarmaStar · 25/12/2020 11:36

Come on op!he was trying to give you a rest.it was only the stockings.unless they have no other gifts yabu.Please think of the positives not the negatives and have a really lovely day.

2020isalmosthindsight · 25/12/2020 11:37

Pretending to be magnanimous while taking all the glory and intentionally having you miss out.

Wow.

royal arsehole

cushioncovers · 25/12/2020 11:37

Depends on his true intentions if it was to let you rest then you got to let it go, if it was done out of spite then I'd be fucking furious.
However as others have said put it to one side and enjoy the rest of the day and have a discussion about it tomorrow.

Thegrinchshorriblesister · 25/12/2020 11:39

This thread is bonkers.

He thought she’d appreciate a lie in so let the kids open a few small stocking fillers. He waited untill she got up till they opened the proper presents.

Gas lighting, he’s a cunt, can’t come back from this.. Jesus..

billy1966 · 25/12/2020 11:45

I think you know him, and what he's like.

If it was deliberately done Inwould be furious and hurt.

It is a really dim thoughtless thing to do.
Seeing their little faces is such a lovely thing.

Sorry for your annoyance.

Try and enjoy the rest of your day.
Flowers

Yennefer19 · 25/12/2020 11:45

I think it depends whether the stockings are the main part of your presents. We used to have stockings on the end of our bed filled with little chocolates etc, and my sister and I used to go through them in bed normally ridiculously early and then later would go into mum and dads room to show them so my parents never saw us open our stockings for the first time. Then we would all open our main presents together.

Backbee · 25/12/2020 11:48

That would annoy me too, if he was so thoughtful as to give you a lie in, why today and not another day? Selfish.

Sewrainbow · 25/12/2020 11:50

The best bit about Christmas with kids for me is the pleasure watching them open the "surprises" that I bought and wrapped and though about, dh doesnt do anything.

I'd be angry and really upset! You could've had the lie in tomorrow!

DarthKaren · 25/12/2020 11:53

@Thegrinchshorriblesister

This thread is bonkers.

He thought she’d appreciate a lie in so let the kids open a few small stocking fillers. He waited untill she got up till they opened the proper presents.

Gas lighting, he’s a cunt, can’t come back from this.. Jesus..

This type of attitude helps enable men lome in the op!!!!!

Toxic masculinity needs to be challenged as it happens!!!

Itsrainingatlast · 25/12/2020 11:54

How fortunate are your children that you can afford to buy them both ‘stocking presents’ and ‘main presents’.

Count your blessings and maybe spare a thought for the millions of children waking up in poverty today where the only Christmas presents will be those donated by the kindness of strangers.

What an extraordinarily first world, entitled and selfish thread this is.