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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely fuming

135 replies

DaenarysStormborn · 25/12/2020 07:20

It's out first year having Christmas in our own house. First Xmas married. First time cooking a turkey and generally organising Christmas Day. Got my family coming over as per restrictions...
My DH decided to spend Christmas Eve getting so drunk that he is currently throwing up really horrifically in the downstairs bathroom with alcohol poisoning. (He can't take his alcohol and ends up ill for days afterwards).

I'm so cross - I've spent ages preparing, teaching myself how to cook it all and was looking forward to enjoying the food etc...he will be throwing up all day and not be able to eat anything or help me.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 25/12/2020 07:22

What a prat

fitzbilly · 25/12/2020 07:23

That's shocking behaviour on his part.

I know it will be hard, but try not to let his behaviour ruin your Christmas. Pretend he's not there and just get on with it. You can do enjoy the day, enjoy your family, enjoy the food and drink. He's the one that will be missing out.

Big hugs.

cameocat · 25/12/2020 07:27

Leave him to it. Enjoy your family, I'm sure it will be delicious.

Terracottasaur · 25/12/2020 07:27

Yanbu, he’s a selfish tosser.

I’d stick him in an out of the way room and ignore him for the day. Try and enjoy yourself with the rest of your family Flowers

secretskillrelationships · 25/12/2020 07:28

No yanbu. Sorry to hear your plans have been scuppered by his behaviour.

BUT don't let it ruin your day. You've done your prep and your family are coming. You have a choice now about your day - you can choose to hold onto your anger and upset or you can choose to have a lovely day in spite of him. I'm not saying it's easy but it is possible.

Tomorrow you can consider if this is a deal breaker for you - one of the most important things in a relationship is the sense that you have each others backs, that you can rely on each other. Without that you'll face a lifetime of being let down. If this is a one off (doesn't sound like that) then a conversation and move on. Otherwise, how will you feel next year, in 5 years, 10 years etc living with this?

TirisfalPumpkin · 25/12/2020 07:29

YANBU in the slightest.

Actual alcohol poisoning, though? You should probably call him an ambulance.

Good luck with the turkey.

greenspacesoverthere · 25/12/2020 07:29

What a tosser. Fgs don't let it spoil your day. Have a lovely time without the idiot, and ensure that he makes up for it tomorrow and every day until February 😂

sparticuscaticus · 25/12/2020 07:31

Oh well he's an idiot. He's the one that'll miss out. You will be doing it on your own so that will be annoying. Can you ask one of the Family to come over couple hours early to assist you in the kitchen? Or get them helping when they do arrive, with dishing up and table laying- If not, well you've got this! Be magnanimous

He's the one that will be embarrassed. So glide over it and crack on, and have a merry Xmas! Don't let it ruin your Xmas Day, we've had Xmases where someone was ill and in bed (not drink related, flu or something else) and have still enjoyed ourselves, leaving them to recover in peace upstairs. Extra turkey & share of cake for you all...!

UghNotThisAgain36 · 25/12/2020 07:31

Make the twat stay in the bedroom and out of your way. Enjoy the day with your family. Then spend Boxing Day considering the relationship. IMO no amount of grovelling/apology would wipe this from my mind ever.

Original poster
DaenarysStormborn · 25/12/2020 07:35

Explaining where he is will be fun. I'm sure I'll manage... it's just that I have already done every part of the organisation.

OP posts:
ShalomToYouJackie · 25/12/2020 07:36

Ugh. Don't look after him today, you carry on cooking your lovely food and enjoying time with your family. He can sort himself out. Leave him in the bedroom.

Bookworming · 25/12/2020 07:39

YANBU!

But don't allow him to be "present" whilst whinging and moaning about feeling ill.

Tell him to stay out of your way and in bed.

Silly arse.

JingleJohnsJulie · 25/12/2020 07:42

I wouldn't make excuses for him. Tell everyone exactly where he is and why.

TheSilentStars · 25/12/2020 07:43

He sounds about 16.
Repulsive pig. And embarrassing in a grown man.
You forget him and enjoy yourself as best you can. Flowers

Shoxfordian · 25/12/2020 07:45

He sounds very immature
Have a good day with your family though

VulvaPerson · 25/12/2020 07:49

YANBU. What a twat.

One of my exes had young kids, and I was staying at his one xmas, so were kids and their mother (people always found it odd, that I 'let' her stay when I was there, or that she wanted to, but we were very close friends and it wasn't awkward at all for us, actually potentially I got on better with her than him!) and xmas eve he got slaughtered, spent most of the night chucking up, then in the morning, about 8ish, kids woke up and he tried saying they had to wait til HE felt well enough to get up before they could open anything Hmm Which was the meanest thing I have ever seen. They were distraught. Me and his ex got them breakfast sorted and such then let them open them, and he went ballistic. Main reason he is an ex actually.

SameO1d · 25/12/2020 07:49

Absolutely don’t worry about explaining where he is or why - just tell them the truth. He behaved like a tosser and can deal with the consequences of that behaviour.

VulvaPerson · 25/12/2020 07:50

Ex actually said she was very glad I was there, as she said she wouldn't have dared do it otherwise and would have waited til he got up (which from previous binges, could be between 12pm-4!). Which was another red flag. Selfish horrible man.

Cam2020 · 25/12/2020 07:51

YANBU.

Enjoy your day and leave him languishing in his pit. Tell your parents why he's there - it's not your fault or your problem. You don't have to go into details, just that he's got a horrendous hangover!

BubblyBarbara · 25/12/2020 07:51

Where were you while he was getting this drunk? (Knowing that he has a bad reaction to alcohol.)

Bayleaf25 · 25/12/2020 07:52

Assuming you’re youngish and he’s usually a good guy hopefully you’ll look back on this and laugh about it.

I’d be cross too though but don’t let it ruin your day x

zzizz · 25/12/2020 07:52

Don't start your marriage lying for him, that's for sure.

Hope you have some fun times with your family today instead!

borntohula · 25/12/2020 07:53

He won't be throwing up all day, the desire for carbs and salt will surely kick in at some point.

Cocomarine · 25/12/2020 07:54

How often does this happen?
You make it sound like it’s been at least twice before, the way you talk about him being ill for days afterwards...
Don’t try to hide it.
Tell your family that he is steaming drunk. Tell him not to surface unless he can join in pleasantly - otherwise, go to bed and don’t bother you at all.
Then, I know this is Xmas Day so it’s not nice to read... I’d reconsider my marriage. It’s not a life I’d want.

Bookworming · 25/12/2020 07:54

Where were you while he was getting this drunk? (Knowing that he has a bad reaction to alcohol.)

Presumably not babysitting him, after all he is a grown up!