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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely fuming

135 replies

DaenarysStormborn · 25/12/2020 07:20

It's out first year having Christmas in our own house. First Xmas married. First time cooking a turkey and generally organising Christmas Day. Got my family coming over as per restrictions...
My DH decided to spend Christmas Eve getting so drunk that he is currently throwing up really horrifically in the downstairs bathroom with alcohol poisoning. (He can't take his alcohol and ends up ill for days afterwards).

I'm so cross - I've spent ages preparing, teaching myself how to cook it all and was looking forward to enjoying the food etc...he will be throwing up all day and not be able to eat anything or help me.

AIBU?

OP posts:
sparticuscaticus · 25/12/2020 08:35

Ah, so OP he ought have guessed how it would go if he drank too
much and he made a choice not to care.

Well. My point still stands

I doubt parents will think anything of it, if they have problems with alcohol too, but he'll still miss out today. Don't stay mad just be disappointed with him later and focus on enjoying yourself with family.

Heatherjayne1972 · 25/12/2020 08:36

Leave him in the bathroom to get on with it
If the guests ask. Tell the unvarnished truth

And tomorrow you need to express exactly how you feel in no uncertain terms

In my experience if you ‘let it go’ this year
He will do the same again next time - and every year going forwards

Sorry he’s ruined your first Christmas together

Bookworming · 25/12/2020 08:36

That doesn't sound good @DaenarysStormborn, I hope you've got an alternative toilet for your guests.

tara66 · 25/12/2020 08:41

Don't you have a shed he can be locked for the day?

Therealjudgejudy · 25/12/2020 08:44

I dont blame you for being angry OP. He knows that alcohol makes him sick so it's his responsibility not to drink to excess..full stop.

He sounds extremely immature, but dont make excuses for him. Ignore him and leave him wallow in his vomit and regret. Enjoy your day and all the hard work you have put in to making it nice for your families Flowers

Rainbowqueeen · 25/12/2020 08:47

It sounds like you have a plan for the day and will have a lovely time
I’d have a think about how you want your marriage to work moving forward. It’s really disrespectful to you to get into that state knowing your family is coming and disrespectful not to pull his weight. But you probably contributed to the whole doing everything yourself dynamic too. Don’t do that again. It just leads to resentment. Think about how you divide household chores and if it’s not equitable then reset. Next time you host guests make sure he is doing his fair share. 10 years down the track you don’t want to have kids and a useless man child husband who doesn’t pull his weight and constantly lets you down

PinkiOcelot · 25/12/2020 08:48

@Cocomarine I totally agree with you.

AiryFairyMum · 25/12/2020 08:55

Do you have an upstairs bathroom? Push him up there, no one wants a puker in a lavatory everyone will need to use. Shut the door on him and deal with him another day.

NoProblem123 · 25/12/2020 08:56

Have a Sherry. Enjoy your day. You’ll laugh about this for years to come.
What a clown.

over50andfab · 25/12/2020 09:00

How disappointing for you OP.

If you have (or can get from nearby friends perhaps), some ranitidine it works quite well in stopping the puking/retching. It needs some antacid first about 15 mins before to start to calm the stomach long enough to keep the ranitidine down for it to absorb and might take a couple of goes.

Hope you can enjoy your day regardless.

Marmozet · 25/12/2020 09:02

Lock him in a room for the day.

lilylongjohn · 25/12/2020 09:05

I'd tell the guests exactly where he is and why, there's no way I'd cover for his selfish and prattish behaviour

Cam77 · 25/12/2020 09:09

Shut the door on him and deal with him another day.
Poor guy 😂

Cam77 · 25/12/2020 09:11

Lock him in a room for the day
😂 Poor guy!

Eckhart · 25/12/2020 09:11

@DaenarysStormborn

Explaining where he is will be fun. I'm sure I'll manage... it's just that I have already done every part of the organisation.
You're not thinking of making excuses for him, are you?

Calmly tell the truth. 'Where's Bob?', 'He drank himself into a stupor last night, and keeps throwing up. More wine?'

And the second he's feeling better, tell him that you take it in turns to 'do' Christmas in your house, and make sure he doesn't forget all year.

Enjoy today without him, and enjoy next Christmas too, either sitting back and watching him do all the work, or watching him make a prat of himself failing!

WendyImHome · 25/12/2020 09:13

Hi OP,

Did he get this drunk just within the house, by himself after you'd gone to bed?

If both his parents have issues with drink and this happens in the home, it seems highly likely he has a drinking problem. I'd just shove him in bed and focus on my family, friends and the day ahead. Try not to let it spoil everything you've done - everyone else will really appreciate it x

Kalula · 25/12/2020 09:17

He's done this quite a few times before

OP, it sounds like he has a serious problem with alcohol, and not even being a married man has made him grow up. Did you know he was like this before you married him? Regardless, he obviously has a serious problem with alcohol and needs help. This, is not normal. My father was an alcoholic and a big drinker, but he never got to that stage. He knew ahead of time that it was Christmas day and he needed to be functioning. Your husband clearly doesn't care less about the consequences for you, all he thinks about is himself. If this was a one off, sure. But it sounds like he truly has a problem with alcohol. I would tell him that you are very seriously considering leaving him if he doesn't get help in the new year, and stay completely sober. As the daughter of an alcoholic, please, don't bring children into this situation. His behaviour is not fair on you. Or fair on any future children. His behaviour is that of an 18 year old frat boy not a mature adult or married man. Tell him to get to rehab/help, or get the fk out of your house. A new year, a new change. People will go on about how easy we say LTB, but alcohol abuse destroys families*. Believe me, it is devastating for children. I know. Personally, first hand. This is truly serious. Put an end to this behaviour before you are back on here in 10 years asking us for advice about how to cope with your DH's alcohol abuse when you have 2 or 3 children. It's a new decade next year. Start it off right, how you mean to go on.

thepeopleversuswork · 25/12/2020 09:28

I don’t think it’s an over-reaction to suggest she should leave. This would be an absolute dealbreaker for me. Beyond selfish and strongly suggests he has a problem with alcohol. Why would you want to brush those under the carpet?

OP enjoy Christmas as best you can and then throw his sorry arse out.

WendyImHome · 25/12/2020 09:31

@thepeopleversuswork

I don’t think it’s an over-reaction to suggest she should leave. This would be an absolute dealbreaker for me. Beyond selfish and strongly suggests he has a problem with alcohol. Why would you want to brush those under the carpet?

OP enjoy Christmas as best you can and then throw his sorry arse out.

If someone you love has a problem with alcohol, I wouldn't suggest the first action be 'throw them out'...how about discuss it first - he's probably in denial - then supporting them in their recovery? And then if that doesn't work, think about a more drastic approach?
BlairCorneliaWaldorf · 25/12/2020 09:31

If you’ve already set the table OP you’re going to be just fine without his help. Very organised!

What a dickhead. But as others have said it’s his loss. Try to enjoy the day with your family and leave him to recover and be miserable by himself.

TonTonMacoute · 25/12/2020 09:32

I’d stick him in an out of the way room and ignore him for the day. Try and enjoy yourself with the rest of your family

^ This!

YANBU by the way...

TillyTopper · 25/12/2020 09:38

Have a good day with visitors on your own, bear his behaviour in mind when you think about what you want to do in the NY, especially if this is a regular occurrence.

Chanjer · 25/12/2020 09:41

Get a beer into him

Salome61 · 25/12/2020 09:51

A friend of mine was a nurse and said water can be toxic when you've had so much alcohol in your blood, do pop in and check on him. Enjoy your day, I hope he recovers soon.

PicsInRed · 25/12/2020 09:58

If you don't have kids with him, don't. He'll be ruining their Christmases like this every year - and he won't improve when kids come along, these ones don't. If anything, they get worse.

Is this how your envisioned your life? Is this what you want the coming decades to look like?

This Christmas has been a life's gift to you, if you look at it in the right way.

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