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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely fuming

135 replies

DaenarysStormborn · 25/12/2020 07:20

It's out first year having Christmas in our own house. First Xmas married. First time cooking a turkey and generally organising Christmas Day. Got my family coming over as per restrictions...
My DH decided to spend Christmas Eve getting so drunk that he is currently throwing up really horrifically in the downstairs bathroom with alcohol poisoning. (He can't take his alcohol and ends up ill for days afterwards).

I'm so cross - I've spent ages preparing, teaching myself how to cook it all and was looking forward to enjoying the food etc...he will be throwing up all day and not be able to eat anything or help me.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Fuckstickss · 25/12/2020 07:55

Oh dear. That was me circa 2011.

Maybe he'll perk up by lunchtime. Chuck some salty crisps and a can of Coke his way and tell him to have a hot bath.

Cocomarine · 25/12/2020 07:55

@BubblyBarbara

Where were you while he was getting this drunk? (Knowing that he has a bad reaction to alcohol.)
I really hope you’re not blaming her for not being his keeper? I’ve seen your posts before, so I’m Hmm
Bookworming · 25/12/2020 07:56

Maybe he'll perk up by lunchtime. Chuck some salty crisps and a can of Coke his way and tell him to have a hot bath.*

@Fuckstickss how do you know my hangovers so well?

VulvaPerson · 25/12/2020 07:57

He's the one that will be embarrassed.

Unfortunately, people who do shit like this are unlikely to be embarassed about it from my experience Sad

I would definitely go for confining him to the bedroom tbh. Especially if hes one of those who whinges all the time when he is ill. Will be annoying as fuck to have him sat bringing the mood down, because he couldn't control himself. Hope you have a good day OP. And don't lie for him.

SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 25/12/2020 07:58

Ugh, how embarrassing for him. I echo other posters: leave him to it and have a lovely day with your family. Don't make excuses for him either.

VulvaPerson · 25/12/2020 07:58

@BubblyBarbara

Where were you while he was getting this drunk? (Knowing that he has a bad reaction to alcohol.)
Fucks sake..really?!

Its her fault he got pissed as she knew he couldn't handle it. However, presumably also if she had told him not to go out, she would be controlling. Whats to be done in such situations, where grown men act like selfish children?

pinkyredrose · 25/12/2020 07:59

it's just that I have already done every part of the organisation

Why?

borntohula · 25/12/2020 08:00

Can't believe I've just read that you should 'reconsider your marriage' because he got pissed. 😂😂

grapewine · 25/12/2020 08:00

@BubblyBarbara

Where were you while he was getting this drunk? (Knowing that he has a bad reaction to alcohol.)
OP's husband is presumably an adult who shouldn't need to be supervised. This is not on her.
stanlet · 25/12/2020 08:02

@BubblyBarbara

Where were you while he was getting this drunk? (Knowing that he has a bad reaction to alcohol.)
This sounds like you're trying to blame the OP?
HK92 · 25/12/2020 08:07

@borntohula

Can't believe I've just read that you should 'reconsider your marriage' because he got pissed. 😂😂
THISS!!

It's been a shit year and it's Christmas! Yes I would be pissed off with him. But to consider this being a deal breaker? It's madness!!

BackwardsGoing · 25/12/2020 08:12

@pinkyredrose

it's just that I have already done every part of the organisation

Why?

This is a v good question. And goes part of the way to explain why he takes you for granted and doesn't value the effort you've put in.

Don't cover for him when your family come over. Forget about him for the day and enjoy it.

AfterSchoolWorry · 25/12/2020 08:15

@cameocat

Leave him to it. Enjoy your family, I'm sure it will be delicious.
Christmas cannibalism!!! 🤭

Yanbu OP.

AfterSchoolWorry · 25/12/2020 08:17

@BubblyBarbara

Where were you while he was getting this drunk? (Knowing that he has a bad reaction to alcohol.)
Huh?

Probably busy doing everything.

userxx · 25/12/2020 08:17

@TheSilentStars

He sounds about 16. Repulsive pig. And embarrassing in a grown man. You forget him and enjoy yourself as best you can. Flowers
Harsh isn't it.

Leave him to it op, don't let it ruin your day.

diddl · 25/12/2020 08:19

@Fuckstickss

Oh dear. That was me circa 2011.

Maybe he'll perk up by lunchtime. Chuck some salty crisps and a can of Coke his way and tell him to have a hot bath.

How about he looks after himself & keeps his sorry arse out of the way?

How wants a twat like that spoiling lunch?

ScrapThatThen · 25/12/2020 08:24

Oh dear. Illness is his punishment I suppose. You had better tell your guests he is worse for wear or they will worry he has covid. Enjoy your day - assuming you are happy to go ahead without his help , don't if you don't want to - and postpone worrying about the longer term implications of this dynamic.

PrincessBuggerPants · 25/12/2020 08:25

I would be more steaming than the pudding OP. But don't let it ruin this further.

Come clean to family about what happened, don't make excuses for him, and get on with the day as you intended too. Maybe they will lend a hand and it will all be fine without him.

Does he have form for this?

Cocomarine · 25/12/2020 08:26

Laugh all you like. I said reconsider, not leave - it’s only a snapshot afterall. And I did say, I was basing that on this having happened at least twice before, going by the OP’s description of this is how he’ll be for a couple of days. Yes, it’s been a shit year. But he knows that he’s good for nothing if he drinks, and he knew they were hosting her family. So he either didn’t care about that (red flag) or he couldn’t control himself (red flag). This isn’t Xmas night out with a lazy Sunday to follow - this is Xmas Day, with guests.

This isn’t a slight hangover she’s talking about. He’s still throwing up this morning, she expects him to throw up all day, and continue to be ill for the next couple of days.

So yes, I’d be considering carefully. Maybe it’s an occasional blow out (it’s not a one off). Maybe this is the start of a marriage where a whole list of special occasions will be marred by his drinking. Some people will look back on an event like this, and laugh - we all do it, it was a hard year, it’s quite funny to remember how green he was... other people will look back on their life with an alcoholic (or just selfish dick!) and wish they’d taken action back then.

Only OP knows how often this has happened before.

If she’s exaggerating and he just needs a pint of water and a paracetamol - fine. But she’s saying he’s going to be throwing up all day when they’re supposed to be hosting. I think it’s more serious than something just to laugh at.

MusicMan65 · 25/12/2020 08:26

In 10 years' time, if you're still together, you'll both look back on this episode and laugh, but he needs to learn the lesson once he's recovered. Real men don't do this.

If you want a laugh &/or revenge, set frequent alarms on his phone to go off every half an hour and leave his phone next to his head, that'll teach him!

sparticuscaticus · 25/12/2020 08:30

In reply to PP who said "people who do this (get silly drunk and run next day) are unlikely to feel embarrassment" .. well that's only true if he makes a habit of doing it and not on Xmas day as Family are coming round, so OP won't hide it and they'll all think he's an idiot

Any LTB comments are going a bit far. People do make mistakes , he might have got silly due to lockdown and it being last night he 'could go out' . It doesn't excuse it at all, but it might partly explain the selfish choice he made. Especially when his partner did all the prep.

Sometimes you don't need to say anything - for people to learn their lesson by missing out- but you don't need to protect him either from others disappointment in him nor from consequences of his actions. Just be matter of fact and tell him he owes you next year as he's doing ALL Xmas the following years, including present buying, Xmas dinner and prep.

Say neutrally today where he is, to not ruin Xmas mood nor fuel bad feeling, that "he's upstairs in bed as he got very drunk out last night and has hangover".

Original poster
DaenarysStormborn · 25/12/2020 08:31

He's currently lying on the bathroom floor moaning and throwing up occasionally. He's got dry toast and water.

He's done this quite a few times before - usually 8 hours throwing up, 24 hours lying on the bathroom floor, another 12 in bed in order to recover.

Both sets of parents have issues with alcohol so we have a rule that we don't drink in the house but with covid that has slid a bit.

I told him when I went to bed not to drink too much in a light hearted way.

Also - he's 8.5 stone and 6 ft so quite underweight which is why he reacts so poorly. He's also nearly thirty so it's up to him to make his own idiotic mistakes.

I've laid the table and am waiting for guests to arrive to open presents.

OP posts:
sparticuscaticus · 25/12/2020 08:32

Say (on another day once all is calm and over) that He doing it all including the following year not years!

And I meant ruin not run

UtopiaMist · 25/12/2020 08:33

As it’s your first Christmas in your own house, tell him that it’s only fair that you alternate, so next year it’s his turn to do everything for Christmas.

FuckOffDailyFailure · 25/12/2020 08:33

Ew yuck. Yanbu. I'd be pissed off too. What a twat. If you can't hold your drink, you can't go out and get shitfaced the night before you're hosting Christmas!