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AIBU?

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Original poster

Does anybody else think they have nothing to open in the morning?

149 replies

Jimbellselmbath · 24/12/2020 23:52

I have sourced and purchased all presents on both sides of the family. Some are really well thought out and DH has a much bigger family than me.
We have 3 dc and a dog. I have wrapped them all and put them out, along with 10 or so presents I have bought for DH. Cheap things I think he would like along with 2 biggies that he has mentioned wanting recently.
He has put a card out for me. Not asked where the paper or sellotape is. There is money in there isn't there? Sad
I am not high maintenance at all, I would be happy with a chocolate and candle for under a tenner etc. (We're not skint) so the kids can see me opening something and being all chuffed with it but I'm. going to sit there like a lemon.
Christmas for me is about unwrapping things you know a person will love, no matter how cheap or expensive. And i fucking hate shopping, he loves it and buys himself something weekly.
I don't mean to seem ungrateful but I am already in knots over it as after a shite year I don't think it is too much to ask that I get to open something. A £1 box of matchmakers and a £3 Aldi candle would make my day, he knows I love both.
Argh I know I'm being precious, first world problems etc. but urgh fucking money, I feel like shoving it up his arse

OP posts:
PoppyOppy · 24/12/2020 23:57

I know how you feel. It's shit.

My DH doesn't believe in Christmas, until 8pm on Christmas Eve then he's all ”oh we could have”

Hmm
VashtaNerada · 24/12/2020 23:58

DH has done this before - I’ve had to be completely honest with him about my expectations and he has got better over time. It’s shit and it’s not acceptable, so be calm and honest tomorrow in a quiet moment about how much effort he’s put in and how that makes you feel.

PoppyOppy · 24/12/2020 23:58

I think I would hide his presents.

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 24/12/2020 23:59

We don't. The dcs have a gift bag each from two of my friends, and we got a box from a local charity today with some biscuits, tea, cakes, and a selection box, but that's it.
We're going to my Mam 's for dinner tomorrow - we're a bubble, and she is giving the dcs £20 each.
And I just realised how that sounds like begging but it isn't. It's just been a truly shit year.
We have each other, my Mam is safe and well after a horrendous two years healthwise, the dc aren't little so they understand, and things can only get better.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 25/12/2020 00:00

Well it might be a voucher. Don't get yourself all upset now.

If you don't get anything tomorrow, have a think about how you will approach it with him so it doesn't happen again.

CoRhona · 25/12/2020 00:00

Maybe he got the shop to wrap them? hopeful

thepeopleversuswork · 25/12/2020 00:01

I know I have nothing in the morning. This is down to circumstance rather than neglect (dad was meant to be coming but now can’t due to Covid rules, boyfriend coming on Boxing Day, DSis also hit by Covid rules and DD too young to buy anything). Some friends are sending presents.

It still feels a bit shit though to know I don’t have a single present under the tree.

MrsBrunch · 25/12/2020 00:01

Not asked where the paper or sellotape is

Christ how can you be with a man who has to ask where things are in his own house. What's the point in him anyway?

Bluesrunthegame · 25/12/2020 00:05

I sympathise! Your DH should have bought you a gift, especially if he likes shopping and you hate it. He's being an arse, IMO. Stop buying for his family, if he wants them to have presents, he can buy the presents.

I will have nothing to unwrap because my children who were going to be with me are staying at home, and rightly so, and although I immediately replicated their gifts via mail order (big shout out to M&S and Lakeland who still had things I wanted to buy and delivered them in time), they did not do the same for me. My parents are struggling with lockdown and dementia and my partner gave me the present his work gave him. I appreciate the reasons for all this, but it makes me feel a little sad.

Just give your husband money in an envelope next year. And less money than he might expect.

Givemeabreak88 · 25/12/2020 00:07

Well at least you get a card, better than nothing, I’m a single parent so don’t get anything.

mummyof2lou · 25/12/2020 00:08

It could be an experience voucher. Try not to second guess and ruin your evening as the morning could play out very differently to your thoughts. And if it doesn't, deal with it after xmas and just try to enjoy the rest of the day. Merry Christmas to you and yours x

Homemadearmy · 25/12/2020 00:09

Does he usually buy presents at Chrismas?
If so you've no reason to think he hasn't this year.
If it is the case, talk to him. Make sure he knows it's not acceptable.
I've don't quite a few Christmases without presents and the first one was awful. But I think that's more because it was my first with no family, just me and the kids.
But I just busied myself with clearing the paper etc.
Honestly speak to your husband so it doesn't happen again

Original poster
Jimbellselmbath · 25/12/2020 00:09

I feel I need to say that i know that many families are in a shite situation especially this year. We have a friend who does homeless boxes and we made her a male female and dog box, the kids loved doing those. We also gave to the food bank and kids appeal. We as a family love giving, or so we thought.. as the first year we can't see family so no danger of presents there, I would've loved to have been considered for once.

I know some people don't eat etc but as I said, it's the thought of being considered and worthy. Bleurgh I still feel entitled. I can't articulate why i am so upset. 99.999% there is no present

OP posts:
Heyahun · 25/12/2020 00:12

I don’t get why you don’t communicate better with him tbh - like every year my husband and I discuss what we are doing for presents this year? Usually set a budget - we both give it a bit other a few ideas of things we might like ! Some years we get each other less as we have a big trip booked maybe or we would rather buy something big for the house or go to an event together - so we just get token presents and use the budget to buy the big thing

At least then we are always on the same page !

In future I’d just ask him / say you’d appreciate a few token wrapped gifts under the tree!

How is he supposed to know this important to you if you don’t tell him?

Original poster
Jimbellselmbath · 25/12/2020 00:16

He usually buys me perfume or jewellery etc but commented that I've worn neither this year. He told oldest dd that she would be getting money for shopping but I had already bought her things so she won't be getting as much as he said.

OP posts:
Hotwaterbottlelove · 25/12/2020 00:19

I can't understand why, if you hate shopping, you have done all the Christmas shopping for both sides of the family. That's so strange. You need to stop doing things you hate

Yes, I can understand you being upset at the lack of effort if it is money or a voucher.

Original poster
Jimbellselmbath · 25/12/2020 00:20

Probably is a communication issue but he knows what I like. I think it it's because I don't like big things. Statement things. I would be overjoyed with little things I get daily joy from. Things he had noticed that I like and use all of the time rather than crap I would leave in a drawer.
Well, I will wait and see in the morning but I'm not holding much hope

OP posts:
Boulshired · 25/12/2020 00:20

DP has loads of good qualities but buying gifts is not one of them, so I tell him exactly what I want. In fairness I would also hate if he bought me 10 gifts even if they are more stocking filler types. I would find that just too much.

LolaButt · 25/12/2020 00:27

Ugh. It’s really crap and I know what you mean.

I’m widowed so won’t be getting anything either. Let’s be honest, sometimes you just want to rip some paper off of a selection box or something.

I think the difference for you is that your husband is there. You’re not a lone parent where although it’s rubbish to be alone, your expectation is that you won’t have a gift. If he’s sat in the room with you and you have to pretend you’re ok with having nothing, when inside you want to cry, it’s a pretty gutting feeling.

So many women put their all into trying to make Christmas nice.... only to be shat on by indifference!

livefornaps · 25/12/2020 00:28

Chop his balls off in his sleep, and wrap them up in paper and bow to open in the morning.

If he complains, tell him, you never acted like you had any anyway, so what's to miss?

jessstan1 · 25/12/2020 00:29

We have 3 dc and a dog. I have wrapped them all and put them out

Aw bless, I hope they are warm enough.

BillysMyBunny · 25/12/2020 00:29

I’m sorry. I’m spending Christmas alone this year as had to cancel my plans after the guidelines changed so I don’t have anything to open either. Will keep fingers crossed that he might still surprise you in the morning.

LazyHazel · 25/12/2020 00:31

We have 3 dc and a dog. I have wrapped them all and put them out

Aw bless, I hope they are warm enough.

🤣🤣🤣

Heatherjayne1972 · 25/12/2020 00:34

Yes. Hide his gifts. If there’s nothing for you why should he get anything !

I’m alone - kids at their dads. with no gifts to open at all

Original poster
Jimbellselmbath · 25/12/2020 00:35

@jessstan1

We have 3 dc and a dog. I have wrapped them all and put them out

Aw bless, I hope they are warm enough.

😂😂 I read this back and laughed and hoped somebody would pick up on it hahaha

Everyone in bed snoring except me awake and fuming bloody hell

OP posts: