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AIBU?

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Original poster

Does anybody else think they have nothing to open in the morning?

149 replies

Jimbellselmbath · 24/12/2020 23:52

I have sourced and purchased all presents on both sides of the family. Some are really well thought out and DH has a much bigger family than me.
We have 3 dc and a dog. I have wrapped them all and put them out, along with 10 or so presents I have bought for DH. Cheap things I think he would like along with 2 biggies that he has mentioned wanting recently.
He has put a card out for me. Not asked where the paper or sellotape is. There is money in there isn't there? Sad
I am not high maintenance at all, I would be happy with a chocolate and candle for under a tenner etc. (We're not skint) so the kids can see me opening something and being all chuffed with it but I'm. going to sit there like a lemon.
Christmas for me is about unwrapping things you know a person will love, no matter how cheap or expensive. And i fucking hate shopping, he loves it and buys himself something weekly.
I don't mean to seem ungrateful but I am already in knots over it as after a shite year I don't think it is too much to ask that I get to open something. A £1 box of matchmakers and a £3 Aldi candle would make my day, he knows I love both.
Argh I know I'm being precious, first world problems etc. but urgh fucking money, I feel like shoving it up his arse

OP posts:
GarlicSoup · 25/12/2020 01:17

Shove it up his arse OP sideways, followed by the Christmas tree Xmas Grin and you can pretend he’s the fairy. Hope you have a good day anyway Xmas Grin

JamieLeesCurtains · 25/12/2020 01:26

I agree with the previous poster who said that either your DH decideds that Christmas is a Christian festival that excludes you and therefore he does the lot; or he decides that it's a wider cultural festival with traditions such as eating and gift-giving and you both reciprocally participate.

JamieLeesCurtains · 25/12/2020 01:27

And yes to the SNL video! Xmas Grin

humblebumble · 25/12/2020 01:38

I was just about the post the SNL video that cracked me up.

EKGEMS · 25/12/2020 02:08

@SleepingStandingUp Nobody likes a bragger

ReadWritePlay · 25/12/2020 02:12

This reminds me of one year when I did everything for Christmas and then about 3pm DS (7) said ‘where’s your present Mummy?’ And I realised I wouldn’t be getting one.

jingleballing · 25/12/2020 02:23

Awww @ReadWritePlay that's sad. Sad I truly sympathise with everyone who won't be getting something to open.

This year has been the first year we've ' celebrated' Christmas. (We're Muslim) . I've got a big tree , the dc have mini trees in their bedrooms, we've done matching family pjs, Christmas jumpers. 've gone abit wild on the presents for everyone! I've always loved this time of the year and we've always done Christmas dinner but first time we're doing presents.

I have to say, my dh didn't want to celebrate and didn't think it was appropriate for religious reasons. However , after seeing that he had presents under the tree, has had something delivered the other day, ran upstairs with it excitedly and wrapped it badly with our 11 year old dd, complete with a bow. He's placed it under the tree (our dc don't believe in Santa so our presents have been under the tree for a good while now Grin) I think it's very very sweet given the background I've outlined. Everyone should have something to open, if not for any other reason but to be a part of all the excitement of opening presents as a family. I can't understand how this can be overlooked.

SquarePeggyLeggy · 25/12/2020 02:24

This happened to me one year and I got very upset. I have a thoughtful husband, but he didn’t celebrate growing up and he took a loooong time to “get” Christmas.
This year I sent links and screen shots at the end of November to allow for shipping times. I put 20 things on the list and the surprise element came from which one they chose and the specifics (I just said pyjamas, perfume etc). I also sent the SNL skit.
I spent time being mad I had to ask/it wasn’t thought of. Then I had a very frank discussion and gave direction and now I’m much happier.
I’m sorry it’s happened to you, it’s totally shit and not fair and reasonable to be upset.
If it happens after you’ve explained how it made you feel, that’s another thing!!

fullofhope100 · 25/12/2020 02:30

OP - Just seen your post.
My first thought was that your partner has hidden your present/not put it under the tree yet. I really hope this is the case.
If not tell him how you feel -{ not that you should need to} then send him links to things that you really love, no expense spared Grin
I hope you have a lovely Xmas. xxx Xmas Smile Wine Star

joystir59 · 25/12/2020 03:54

I do hope you are pleasantly surprised in the morning OP

Dixiechickonhols · 25/12/2020 04:01

Do you take turns opening presents OP? Should make it bloody obvious that no one has bothered with you. Hope you are wrong but if not adress it after Christmas so 2021 is better.

andweallsingalong · 25/12/2020 04:18

How old are the DC?

DH can be lacking in the planning and buying department.

Keep hoping he'll change and tbf he does usually get me something although not always in time and often not something I'll use. Like you I'd be happy with something small that's more me - chocolate, CD, etc.

So now I preprepare.

If there's something I want. This year slippers. "DD would you like to get Mummy some slippers, mine are falling apart?" She usually says yes so then I can enable her to pick so the actual ones are a surprise.

I'm normal times I'll send her round the pound shop with a tenner to buy several gifts. When she was younger I'd not look while she loaded my presents. She comes out happy with lots of presents for me, Dad, etc and I'm pretty much guaranteed to get some chocolate! Dad helps her wrap which prompts him when she's saying "what did you get mummy?"

With DH his upbringing taught him it has to be expensive and perfect so when we're skint he'd not bother... Whereas for me it's the thought not the cost.

Taikoo · 25/12/2020 04:27

You need to address this with him because a lot of pathetic men like him need to be coached and drilled in the basics of competent living.

ShrikeAttack · 25/12/2020 04:30

I don't know why women have relationships with men who are a little bit less.

PearlescentIridescent · 25/12/2020 04:57

YANBU. We have made special effort to make sure we each have something to open as I have spent the last 5 years prioritising DC and putting all resources into them. This year I have bits to open and I have to say I am excited!

I don't know if I would bring it up on the day with the DC around but definitely have a word.

chickychicchic · 25/12/2020 05:08

YANBU let's hope there is something nice in the card

The way you talk about your family and the way you love to gift makes me think one of your love language is gifts. If you don't know about love languages I recommend the books they are great and once we understand the abit more for me it's helped me love better
My dh love language is gifts and he buys me gifts and it's lovely and I appreciate it he gets more from buying them for me and I appreciate I am extremely lucky. Although he does always ask me what I want Grin

On the other hand my nasty exh was a knob with gifts and used it as a way to withhold affection saying i was being materialistic and demanding for being bemused when my birthday was not acknowledged!

Sounds like maybe your dh just doesn't realise how much it would mean to you?

Hugs hope you have a lovely Christmas

DigitalChristmas · 25/12/2020 05:13

@Jimbellselmbath

I feel I need to say that i know that many families are in a shite situation especially this year. We have a friend who does homeless boxes and we made her a male female and dog box, the kids loved doing those. We also gave to the food bank and kids appeal. We as a family love giving, or so we thought.. as the first year we can't see family so no danger of presents there, I would've loved to have been considered for once.

I know some people don't eat etc but as I said, it's the thought of being considered and worthy. Bleurgh I still feel entitled. I can't articulate why i am so upset. 99.999% there is no present

@Jimbellselmbath It’s completely understandable to be upset. Hugs 🤗
Bookworming · 25/12/2020 05:27

Totally understand but 10 presents including two biggies and you're skint is also UR!

Having said that if DH gave me money, I'd give it back! What's the bloody point on money? As you say I'd rather a bar of my favourite chocolate that the contents of ten seconds at the ATM!

Zagziggirl · 25/12/2020 05:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bookworming · 25/12/2020 05:40

Apologies OP, you're not skint!

I'd be even more pissed off then!

BUT, it might not be money.......

BadLad · 25/12/2020 05:45

Update? Has he been?

JamieLeesCurtains · 25/12/2020 05:48

@Bookworming

Apologies OP, you're not skint!

I'd be even more pissed off then!

BUT, it might not be money.......

I think that's the OP's point, tbh.
coldwaterfeed · 25/12/2020 05:52

OP, you say you wrapped presents for his family, but don’t they give you gifts?

It all seems very one sided.

Hoping he’s hidden your present as a surprise but seems unlikely as you got nothing for Chanukah.

Do you think you get less because you’re Jewish? It’s not fair to take from you but not reciprocate.

FestiveChristmasLights · 25/12/2020 05:55

I agree about not fuming but do talk to him and tell him that it’s not acceptable.

I’d also half his presents and open them up. Tell him it’s not on for you to have nothing to open.

Happy Christmas.

Audreyseyebrows · 25/12/2020 06:08

I’ve already been told that I have nothing so I got myself some slippers to unwrap.