Does anybody else think they have nothing to open in the morning?

[Jimbellselmbath]

I have sourced and purchased all presents on both sides of the family. Some are really well thought out and DH has a much bigger family than me.
We have 3 dc and a dog. I have wrapped them all and put them out, along with 10 or so presents I have bought for DH. Cheap things I think he would like along with 2 biggies that he has mentioned wanting recently.
He has put a card out for me. Not asked where the paper or sellotape is. There is money in there isn't there?
I am not high maintenance at all, I would be happy with a chocolate and candle for under a tenner etc. (We're not skint) so the kids can see me opening something and being all chuffed with it but I'm. going to sit there like a lemon.
Christmas for me is about unwrapping things you know a person will love, no matter how cheap or expensive. And i fucking hate shopping, he loves it and buys himself something weekly.
I don't mean to seem ungrateful but I am already in knots over it as after a shite year I don't think it is too much to ask that I get to open something. A £1 box of matchmakers and a £3 Aldi candle would make my day, he knows I love both.
Argh I know I'm being precious, first world problems etc. but urgh fucking money, I feel like shoving it up his arse

Just RTWT and now I want to cry. This is so utterly shitful -- all these mums who bust their guts to make a wonderful Xmas for everyone and get little or nothing in return. Maybe this is why that scene in Love Actually, with Emma Thompson weeping in her bedroom, is so famous.

This shit has been going on forever. As a kid in the 1970s I would beg DF for some cash so that I could buy DM something nice, knowing full well he wouldn't bother with a gift for her. He always refused, and if I persisted would threaten me with a hiding. Xmas Day was always so awful, and my DM so devastated after all the trouble she'd gone to over gifts and Xmas lunch. I made it up to her (I hope) in later years, but even now I wish I could go back in time and steal my DF's money or at least his cigarettes, which I could have flogged to some dumb teenager for easy cash.

OP, I'm with PPs on this. Hide H's presents. If he fails to produce a nice gift, cash the presents in and buy yourself something excellent. Next Xmas, don't lift a finger for anyone but your DCs. Certainly don't buy anything for his extended family! That's HIS job!

Hi OP, I'm in the same boat. My DH hasn't got me anything for Christmas either. I did have presents to open because my family gave some. I don't care about the stuff but the lack of regard shown by not bothering to get one for me hurts. He's been on annual leave from work for the last 2 weeks so he definitely has had the time! I didn't get one from DS either but he's 2 so DH is responsible for that too.

Don't really know what to do. Don't want to kick up a fuss but I'm pretty hurt.

A serious talk after Christmas @Shayisgreat, sorry he was thoughtless.

If your dps don’t buy anything for you, stop buying for them. It’s not ideal but just come to an agreement that you two don’t but for each other anymore. It’s really shitty behaviour on their part but why should you go to all the effort for someone who obviously doesn’t prioritise you?
Either have very vocal words or decide that you don’t buy gifts for them anymore.
Focus on the dcs, facilitate them, buy yourself something and just leave the horrible dp out of it next year.

It is appalling behaviour and there is no excuse
And to all those who may pop up about the waste of Christmas, there is always something that's useful or nice even if small. It's the lack of thought
Could bloody cry reading this lot
I'd not give the offending OH's anything I'd bought if this happened to me

I have nothing, we only buy for the kids. I am fine with it.

I have a book to open from my daughter and my son tried to get me something I had specifically asked for (he's 17 and needed guidance) but the shop had sold out when he went and he has been working the last two weeks and didn't want to resort to online. I bought myself something from Anthropologie but it's not anything one could wrap.
My late husband and I used to have a £50 limit which meant one gift. It was really all about the kids but nice to open one or two things I agree.
Did none of your or his relatives buy anything for you? It's a shame but I think you need to spell it out to your husband (unless thr envelope contains a round the world trip or something)!

Hope you got something nice and thoughtful OP.

On complete tangent surely I'm not the only person who can never find the sellotape- sometimes cant even find it in the middle of wrapping presents

You've got 3 options op.

1. You leave him because he's unlikely to change and you're clearly not interested in talking to him about it since your immediate thought was to come on here and tell us, rather than asking him where your presents are.

1. You accept that he is like this and stay. You also either continue doing all the shopping for everyone or don't.

1. You actually talk to your husband and communicate to him that not buying you presents isnt acceptable. Tell him he doesn't get his presents for that reason, and return them when you can. That's assuming he hasn't got you anything, maybe he has. You also tell him for now on, he helps get everything prepared and if he doesn't, nothing gets done.

I mean really, the fact you're on here says a lot about your marriage. I'm not sure if you're willing to work on it or not, you need to figure that one out. If you were instantly prepared to work on it, you'd have spoken to him already. If I'm upset with my partner about something, I talk to him, I don't come on here straight away and complain. That solves nothing. You need to talk to him, not just sit in silence and let it happen, unless you're happy with that.

I'd say talk to him and if he isn't willing to change, then leave. You won't change him by force, so at that point you either put up with it or go.

Please come back and tell us whether you got anything - I'm going to spend Christmas day wondering whether a woman I never met got something from her H!

It's just me and dd(13) here so I may not get anything, although 13 is old enough to make some attempt. But I bought myself a pile of books in advance, so at least I'll buy for me if nobody else will.

I hope you got a surprise !

Buy yourselves presents. Please. Women work like trojans all year doing everything for everybody and if their family doesn't reward it, they should. If your H says ''what's this 250 that came out of the account? Say that was xxxxxxx for my xmas present''.

I spent a lovely amount of money on myself, I bought myself earrings, a belt, a book by ryan holiday. They are From ME to ME. With the earrings, I selected the box ''gift wrap'' as it was very reasonable. I'm single and my daughter cleaned the house from top to bottom as my gift. my Son bought me an extension cable so we could plug in the heater at the same time as charging our devices when we're on the sofa. so I had to buy myself what I wanted.

Hope he has hidden your present and you get a lovely surprise
If not , then no presents for him and scale next year back ,,, and tell him why .. maybe not today but soon

I remember one year maybe 4 years ago when my DH did nothing for my birthday, not even a card. We are busy - 4 DC, at the time the youngest was a toddler, we both work although I’m part time. Having said that, every family birthday I get presents, cards and make a cake and make it a priority.

He told me he didn’t have anything for me the night before and I cried. I wasn’t trying to be attention-seeking, I was upset that I was so far down on his list of priorities. My daughters admonished him and he was genuinely contrite. I didn’t care what he gave me, a card and some supermarket chocolates would have been down but I was so hurt that I made birthdays happen for everyone else - including him - and he couldn’t do that for me. He didn’t even rustle up a card for the kids to sign.

Since then he’s been great. He hasn’t missed Christmas or a birthday since and the gifts are thoughtful.

I don’t recommend that you cry because that makes me sound like a spoilt child but tell him how you feel and how the lack of reciprocity belittles you.

I know where you’re coming from OP-it’s not too much to ask really for a little thought.
DH has in the past given me the cash but that has usually been a negotiated thing when I had nothing I really wanted or needed at the time and I didn’t want to have to think of anything else as it then becomes my job-and I have too much else to think of...
This year I’m hoping I get new walking boots as that is what I really need.

DH and I don't give each other gifts. We focus on the children in the family.
Grateful for the £2,000 new boiler after a week with no heating !

Buy yourselves presents

I've done this, this year. It has saved a huge amount of disappointment (I don't expect anything huge but a bit of thought which is sadly lacking.) So, I have taken it into my own hands and looked after myself a bit more (after spending weeks buying thoughtful gifts etc. for others). I may well buy some new walking books too, Mrs Elijah.

Well, how did it go @Jimbellselmbath?

Hope it went ok!

The nation is waiting OP 😁 hope you got something.

Thinking of you!

I'm confused by the "hide the presents for him, don't give them" advice, this is not a problem, most people who don't give gifts rarely care enough about receiving either, they are not harmed in the slightest, won't feel bad about not getting anything, and will be happy that their partner hasn't bothered wasting their time and money.

What they certainly won't think is "oh dear, I've not got a present, I'll have to make sure I get DP something next year". If you want presents then you need to talk to them, not play games.

Hope you got something op x

Think i would prefer money in a card than the year i received a tin of polish, dusters, a plastic tape holder and a multi-coloured plastic poncho!

OP did you get a present?