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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anybody else think they have nothing to open in the morning?

149 replies

Jimbellselmbath · 24/12/2020 23:52

I have sourced and purchased all presents on both sides of the family. Some are really well thought out and DH has a much bigger family than me.
We have 3 dc and a dog. I have wrapped them all and put them out, along with 10 or so presents I have bought for DH. Cheap things I think he would like along with 2 biggies that he has mentioned wanting recently.
He has put a card out for me. Not asked where the paper or sellotape is. There is money in there isn't there? Sad
I am not high maintenance at all, I would be happy with a chocolate and candle for under a tenner etc. (We're not skint) so the kids can see me opening something and being all chuffed with it but I'm. going to sit there like a lemon.
Christmas for me is about unwrapping things you know a person will love, no matter how cheap or expensive. And i fucking hate shopping, he loves it and buys himself something weekly.
I don't mean to seem ungrateful but I am already in knots over it as after a shite year I don't think it is too much to ask that I get to open something. A £1 box of matchmakers and a £3 Aldi candle would make my day, he knows I love both.
Argh I know I'm being precious, first world problems etc. but urgh fucking money, I feel like shoving it up his arse

OP posts:
Colouringaddict · 25/12/2020 00:36

@jessstan1

We have 3 dc and a dog. I have wrapped them all and put them out

Aw bless, I hope they are warm enough.

😂😂😂
NiceGerbil · 25/12/2020 00:39

As pp said.

Put his away. Produce them if he suddenly produces a gift.

This is all over MN every year and it's shit.

Think how it will look to your kids if you are sitting there and not one present. It's not a good thing to teach them in terms of relationships. At all. They might get upset or feel guilty.

Put his away then it's all even.

whatshalliget · 25/12/2020 00:39

One small gift from my sister to open. Otherwise not one of my three teens has bothered to get me anything 🙄. Am a single parent.

Used to it. Exh was the same.

FabbyMagic · 25/12/2020 00:39

I agree I’d bloody hide his

FabbyMagic · 25/12/2020 00:40

And in no bloody way can you be considered entitled!! You’d like to feel loved and appreciated by him showing a bit of effort, that is NOT too much to ask. How is your relationship generally (if you don’t mind saying) ?

Original poster
Jimbellselmbath · 25/12/2020 00:41

If it matters, I'm Jewish. DH and the children are Catholic 😂

My mum does lovely Chanukah gifts for us all and then usually pays for a day out around Christmas for us all so that's why his lot have nice pressies and mine haven't got nor give. This year there are not really any shows/ days out we wish to book so mum hasn't given yet as far as I know nor would I expect her to.

DH got me nothing for Chanukah either

OP posts:
TheoriginalLEM · 25/12/2020 00:42

I wint have anything to open, everything went to shit and there was no time. I wanted a replacement 'engagement 'ring - its a 30 yr engagement. Id rather choose it myself . Ive seen the one i want. Its 'only' £2500 Grin i wont be getting it - but its ok, id actually die if he spent that much money.

I did manage a last minute amazon buy for DP because i happened to see it and thought hmm, dp might like that otherwise he wasn't going to get anything either.

In a bit sad about it

SleepingStandingUp · 25/12/2020 00:44

@MrsBrunch

Not asked where the paper or sellotape is

Christ how can you be with a man who has to ask where things are in his own house. What's the point in him anyway?

🙄 mine asked where the cellotape, scissors and labels were. Because I had them last.

The point of him is i have 3 kids on nappies and he does his fair share of them. He also does notes, washes up, does the washing, puts it away too. Puts the big one to bed and baths him depending on who big one wants. Tidies up. Washes up. Good in bed.

Should I ltb because he doesn't know where I've put something I've been using?

Pinkfreesias · 25/12/2020 00:45

I know I have nothing to open.

Me and my husband don't buy each other presents anyway, and our trip to England to visit my family has been called off because of Covid19, so my present giving and receiving will have to wait for now.

JaceLancs · 25/12/2020 00:47

Strange Xmas for me this year as DP (we don’t live together) is unemployed and broke due to Covid
I’ve bought him essential items - think parts to fix his car and things he would normally be able to buy himself - coffee beans, chocolates, fancy biscuits, other treat foods
It’s heartbreaking because he can’t buy me anything so have asked him for help to fix things (he’s quite practical)
But I know he is going to be so depressed tomorrow when he can’t be the person he wants to be

JoeWicksSurvivor · 25/12/2020 00:48

I told my DP that all I wanted was a Christmas pudding. He seemed surprised when he went out earlier today and all the shops had sold out. I’m now envious of your mystery envelope.

Dontlickthetrolley · 25/12/2020 00:49

After a couple of rubbish years with nothing, I buy my own presents, at least I know I'll like what I open. They were wrapped 2 weeks ago and I can't remember some of them so will be nice to have a surprise in the morning!

Teaseall · 25/12/2020 00:49

@Jimbellselmbath I understand. It's not about the worth, it's about someone thinking about 'you'.putting some care into a gift that they think you would like, like I'm sure you have done for others.

My advice is don't silently fume, it'll get you no where. Once the stress of Christmas is over talk to him and express how it makes you feel if you get money rather than careful thought ... or think of yourself in the third person. Really think about a lovely, thoughtful gift that you would like to revive from a loved one ... and buy it for yourself in January. Value yourself and others will value you.

In the meantime, I have wrapped an imaginary gift for you to open tomorrow morning. It's got some gorgeous smelling White Company shower gel & body lotion, a divine scented candle and some cashmere gloves and scarf that compliment your colouring and make your complexion glow when outside in these dark cold months. Merry Christmas ... oh and the wrapping paper has sweet Robins on Xmas Wink

Original poster
Jimbellselmbath · 25/12/2020 00:52

Can't now find the fucking envelope.

He went down to lock the dog in and came back up to sleep. I went down to peep at the envelope for mn research purposes and it's disappeared. No present has appeared either

OP posts:
80sMum · 25/12/2020 00:53

I definitely have nothing to open and neither does DH. We prefer it that way. There's no pressure on either of us to meet any expectations because neither of us has any!
No wracking of brains trying to think of what to get; no last minute panics; no disappointment when we receive something we don't like. In other words, complete bliss, imo! Who needs all the hassle and expense?

ineedaholidaynow · 25/12/2020 00:56

I can’t imagine as an adult watching everyone opening presents including yourself but your partner sitting there with nothing. I am sorry @Jimbellselmbath if you don’t get anything tomorrow.

NiceGerbil · 25/12/2020 00:56

For all those who get nothing to open, while OH does, and it's in front of the kids. What sort of message do you think they get?

It's really not good.

Original poster
Jimbellselmbath · 25/12/2020 00:56

[quote Teaseall]@Jimbellselmbath I understand. It's not about the worth, it's about someone thinking about 'you'.putting some care into a gift that they think you would like, like I'm sure you have done for others.

My advice is don't silently fume, it'll get you no where. Once the stress of Christmas is over talk to him and express how it makes you feel if you get money rather than careful thought ... or think of yourself in the third person. Really think about a lovely, thoughtful gift that you would like to revive from a loved one ... and buy it for yourself in January. Value yourself and others will value you.

In the meantime, I have wrapped an imaginary gift for you to open tomorrow morning. It's got some gorgeous smelling White Company shower gel & body lotion, a divine scented candle and some cashmere gloves and scarf that compliment your colouring and make your complexion glow when outside in these dark cold months. Merry Christmas ... oh and the wrapping paper has sweet Robins on Xmas Wink[/quote]
Oh bless you, you actually made me cry. Going soft in my old age.
I hope you have a lovely Christmas and next year makes up for the last shitter we were thrown 🤗

OP posts:
MarkRuffaloCrumble · 25/12/2020 00:59

Send back his gifts and use the money to buy yourself something nice after Xmas.

If you’re Jewish and he’s using that as an excuse not to buy you a gift, why the hell are you doing all the shopping for everyone else?! If he thinks you don’t celebrate, then you shouldn’t have to do all the donkey work for it either.

If he accepts (like most people do) that its not really a religious festival anymore, then he needs to treat you the same way he expects to be treated at Christmas. You’re not asking for a lot, he’s a shit husband for letting you run yourself ragged for others with no reciprocation. But you need to stand up to it and make sure that next year he pulls his weight with preparations and gift buying.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 25/12/2020 01:01

What a lovely post Teaseall. Merry Christmas to you and I hope you get something equally as thoughtful as the imaginary gift you conjured up for Jimbells Wine

RedHelenB · 25/12/2020 01:02

I told my 14 year old son this year that I expected presents for ne and his sisters this year. They didn't have to be expensive but sone thought needed to go into them . Cue a large box arriving from Amazon and presents wrapped and under the tree tonight. You need to get your dh told!

Fortherosesjoni70 · 25/12/2020 01:05

Buy your own. That's what i do!
I do get gifts but I buy my own as well. Cheers me up!

Fortherosesjoni70 · 25/12/2020 01:07

We open our gifts after the children have and very often not in front of them unless the gifts are from them.

psychomath · 25/12/2020 01:11

Aww I get it OP. Another one spending Christmas on my own this year and I was also feeling a bit rubbish earlier about having nothing to unwrap, even though I knew my presents would get delivered in a few days' time and I don't even really care about gifts anyway. I think it just feels like you're missing part of the day if you've got nothing to open.

Luckily my stuff arrived unexpectedly in this morning's post Smile Got my fingers crossed for you that you'll end up with a nice surprise tomorrow too!

ItsLoisSangersFault · 25/12/2020 01:17

You might like to watch this SNL video ..