Would you be annoyed with this.

[Rudolph98]

Oh took kids over to see in laws to have a run around the garden and do gifts. We can meet in groups or 6 outside here. I’ll probably be told I’m being unreasonable or petty.

DS had one largeish gift that was awkward to wrap so it was unwrapped.

Dd had a pile of wrapped presents. Maybe 7 gifts.

Monetary value it was probably similar. DS gift was probably quite expensive.

So she probably spent similar amounts.

But DS has additional needs and doesn’t really understand the value of things money wise. He sees the value of things in quantity which isn’t ideal. He compared his one gift to a pile of presents Dd had.

He hasn’t really said much but said he didn’t have any presents to open just the unwrapped one.

Aibu to think this is a bit naughty?! And she could have bought him something to unwrap. He’d be happy with anything. Selection boxes, items from the pound shop etc. He just wanted something to
open.

He is only 8 and young for his age. If he was older he may understand. Also mil isn’t his biological grandmother but usually treats him as good as her own. Dd is her only bio grandchild.

Aibu to be annoyed? It’s too late to say anything. They will have plenty tomorrow just feel it’s a bit pants.

I know it’s often easier to buy little bits for girls. DS is hard to shop for. But he would have been happy with anything as above.

Surely you just need to frame it for the dc by spelling out that your ds got one big gift (big it up a bit) and dd got several little gifts.

8 isn't too young to practice appearing grateful even if your gift isn't exactly what you want.

YABU.

YABU, you are responsible for his development and comprehension of the situation.

Yep, YABU. You can't make demands on people buying your children gifts.

YABU: harder to explain cost etc to a DC with additional needs, but still possible to try. MiL not U.

YABU , you’ve admitted they’ve spent the same on both and said that they generally treat him equally even though he is not their bio grandchild .

Kind of on you to teach him the meaning of quality over quantity OP, and how to be gracious when receiving gifts.

Like you said, he’ll have plenty tomorrow anyway.

I kind of agree with you IF she knows how he “sees” things. For a NT child I’d expect them to understand the difference in value. So if you’ve had a conversation about it or she’s been made aware of it in the past, she’s fucking heartless. But you can’t expect someone to guess something like so if no ones every explained it to her you’re being completely unreasonable.

Of course you are BU! And what does her nit being his non biological MIL have to do with this? You said yourself she has spent equal on both, so would you rather have spent more on your DS? Would negate her not being biologically related to DS and prove she accepted more for you?

🤷‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤦‍♂️

I think it's on you to teach him that's it's quality not quantity, and how to graciously accept a gift. At 8 he's old enough. YABU.

He’s 8 but has the age of a 5/6 year old so it’s not easy to explain! And she knows this. That’s the difference.

The non bio grandmother is probably trying too hard to please as it is so as not to upset anyone. Don't encourage this sort of behaviour in your child, you're the grown up here so don't light fires.

YANBU. Something to unwrap is half the fun of Xmas. Besides, your DS is very young still. Your MIL should have thought this through.

Sorry if he’s emotionally age 5/6 then absolutely you can explain, that is not too young to grasp the concept at all.

I don’t how much she’s spent exactly. I’d say DS cost maybe £40-£50. Dd had 3 outfits, 3 toys and
other bits so not even sure it’s the same amount.

I’m not going to say anything. Didn’t plan to and never said I was?

And his present wasn’t even wrapped. I think that’s what bugged me more. He loves opening gifts. But it wasn’t wrapped at all.

What was the present?

Initially l wasn’t sure if you mean AIBU to be annoyed with your MIL or son. YABVU to be annoyed at your MIL. Your son needs to learn, whether he has additional needs or not

He is young for his age and has learning difficulties. Maybe a typical 8 year old could understand. admittedly DS hasn’t really said much. He can’t really explain how he feels. He is speech and understanding delayed.

Has his non bio grandmother ever had form for this type of thing before?

YABU. Wow.

YABU. Unless you specifically asked her to buy the same number of gifts or asked if she'd have something he could unwrap, how was she to know? She sounds like a caring grandma.

I think you need to explain to him that his is much bigger and grandma got him something she thought he would love and reiterate she loves all the kids the same.

Next year - maybe make it explicit to avoid any upset. Although this may result in him getting smaller and less appropriate things.

I don’t mean this cruelly but why would you even expect your MIL to spend the same on her step-grandchild?
My DP’s mum always buys my stepkids a tonne of presents and my kids get a token gift which I always think is incredibly kind of her.
My mum spends probably £20-25 on my SDs but around £100 each on her actual grandchildren.

Also even with the mental age of a 5/6 yr old he must have some concept of monetary value?
Explain his was a big expensive special gift, his sisters were cheaper

Aibu to think this is a bit naughty?!

Are you seriously calling an adult “naughty” for being fair with gifts?