Would you be annoyed with this.

[Rudolph98]

Oh took kids over to see in laws to have a run around the garden and do gifts. We can meet in groups or 6 outside here. I’ll probably be told I’m being unreasonable or petty.

DS had one largeish gift that was awkward to wrap so it was unwrapped.

Dd had a pile of wrapped presents. Maybe 7 gifts.

Monetary value it was probably similar. DS gift was probably quite expensive.

So she probably spent similar amounts.

But DS has additional needs and doesn’t really understand the value of things money wise. He sees the value of things in quantity which isn’t ideal. He compared his one gift to a pile of presents Dd had.

He hasn’t really said much but said he didn’t have any presents to open just the unwrapped one.

Aibu to think this is a bit naughty?! And she could have bought him something to unwrap. He’d be happy with anything. Selection boxes, items from the pound shop etc. He just wanted something to
open.

He is only 8 and young for his age. If he was older he may understand. Also mil isn’t his biological grandmother but usually treats him as good as her own. Dd is her only bio grandchild.

Aibu to be annoyed? It’s too late to say anything. They will have plenty tomorrow just feel it’s a bit pants.

I know it’s often easier to buy little bits for girls. DS is hard to shop for. But he would have been happy with anything as above.

I understand where you are coming from OP. Try posting on the SN boards for handholding/empathy and actual experience of walking the tightrope.

DS1 would have had a full on meltdown at 8, 9, 10 etc.

I can still remember DS1 lining up one row of his presents to be compared and contrasted with the row of DS2's presents to illustrate how it wasn't fair. They were probably 11 and 5 at the time. Draining - but I had to paint on a smile and go and cook the fucking turkey.

I am so sick of smug parents of NT DC claiming that D.C. with AN are spoilt brats. They don't know what they are talking about. So ignore them.

If you doubt this look at the daily challenges (plus the nightmare of EHCP, medical appointments, DLA) and compare how parents of AN kids cope for years in 'normal' times with how parents of NT kids have coped with a fraction of those stresses during a few months of a pandemic.

Can you produce a bag of wrapped 'gifts' (cheap but valuable to him) that you 'forgot' to pass on to him? Next year, have a bag ready.

Perhaps it would be better if grandparents gave money, so they don't get it wrong.

Hang on, that's not right either.

My DS is 14 with SEN and would absolutely behave the way your DS has OP. He isnt a sulky brat, but he has no concept of money, just that 7 is more than 1.

Christmas is an emotive stressful time and not the time for learning lessons. Some of the replies on here are unbelievable.

YANBU

I wouldn't be annoyed.

YABVU

Thank goodness for more balanced replies recently.

YABU 5 year olds are capable of understanding quality over quantity. I think you need to explain that a similar amount was spent on both of them. Your son is her step GS so I think it’s really nice she’s thought of both of your DC.

YABU it's nice that he got a gift. She is not responsible for wrapping presents. There was no obligation to buy him a gift.

"I am so sick of smug parents of NT DC claiming that D.C. with AN are spoilt brats. They don't know what they are talking about. So ignore them.

If you doubt this look at the daily challenges (plus the nightmare of EHCP, medical appointments, DLA) and compare how parents of AN kids cope for years in 'normal' times with how parents of NT kids have coped with a fraction of those stresses during a few months of a pandem"

AMEN to that @KeepOnKeepingOnAgainandAgain. "Season of goodwill" my arse.

(Although it's never a season of goodwill in AIBU )

You are projecting

Your kind mother-in-law bought an expensive gift for a child who is nothing really to do with her - and you want to complain?

All these people saying YABU. Are they actually reading the post?

The child has SN, and is young than is age, and I get you could try and explain quantity vs cost the fact is the present was UNWRAPPED so the child didn’t even get a chance to open anything, it was just there, and that’s what he said

Op I do think it was unreasonable of mil to not wrap it, I also think she should have been a bit more sensitive to your child’s needs, especially if she does treat them the same

Maybe one to discuss nearer to Christmas next year

I guess they could have been a bit more thoughtful with that, but what can you do?

Maybe your inlaws just didn't think of it from his perspective and don't really "get" his lack of understanding of this stuff. Or maybe there is something going on with him not being their blood grandchild.

Either way, he'll have plenty to open tomorrow and will be happy. Try not to give it too much thought.

YANBU, I don't have any experience of SN children but even I can see why you would be annoyed. Cant quite believe the amount of YABU's on this thread. I think it was cruel of her not to wrap the gift, especially if she's done it before and been called out for it. Also, if she's been told about how he processes things i.e doesn't understand value only quantity, then really I think she could have made more of an effort to get more gifts but cheaper.

If she was fully aware that he likes to open things and that he needs a similar amount of ‘gifts’ then I think yes she was being unreasonable.

How hard is it to pick up a tube of sweets, bath bomb, selection box, colouring book & pens and wrap them. Would of cost less then a fiver and it would of made him happy.

Wtf is all this shit about no obligation to wrap presents isn’t that the normal thing to do for a kids at Xmas

She also insists he calls her nan so she should be getting him a gift if she’s getting her biological GC a gift.

Is he in contact with his dad and gp's?

I don't think he is spoilt, he just doesn't understand. You can help out by bigging up his special present. I wouldn't be annoyed, she normally treats him similarly to your DD. There are grandparents who buy big gifts for their biological grandchildren and just little token gifts for step grands. She is not doing that. I wouldn't draw attention by making a big issue about it but I would slip in the " what a lovely present " comments. Don't let him see that you are irritated. When he gets his other gifts tomorrow he will notice less.

www.nytimes.com/2020/12/21/health/new-covid-strain-uk.html
I'm concerned about the children because the mutated virus is more dangerous for children. Please be careful.

YABU, it is on you to teach your child. Hopefully your thoughts of an adult being “naughty” for buying a gift will not rub off on them. Someone that loves them has bought a present. A thank you card would be great fully received I’m sure. End of.

@Rudolph98

He’s 8, 2/3 years behind his peers, learning difficulties, needing full time support at school. Was non verbal until 5.5. Trying to explain the value of stuff is hard that’s all!

I'm with you OP.

It really isn't that easy to explain that kind of thing to a child with SN. When they are late with language they are late with understanding how things work. Doesn't mean you aren't teaching him, just means he isn't there yet.

And I don't understand why people are surprised when GPs treat step-DGC well.
If your child is bringing up these children, then you should behave as though you're their grandparent. I would anyway.

I think some of the pp's are being really harsh op. I really feel for you and your ds. Similar situation in the past with my Ds at my dsis home. He sat there watching his cousins opening presents for ages before anything was given to him. Incredibly hard for a young child to understand and given your Ds was non verbal until age 5.5 and has full time support at school I think YANBU and I feel for your DS. My Ds was younger when this happened to him & he just sat there until I came in from parking the car & I asked if there was anything for him to open. My dm, dsis and dbil plus his parents were there. I was gutted to know that it had not occurred to anyone that this wasn't a nice way to behave. Hasn't happened since as I never let him into their house now whilst I'm parking up. He stays with me. DM didn't get it, dsis is totally brilliant in lots of ways but utterly oblivious to this one x

YABVU

The only thing I think YANBU about is her not wrapping the gift. Even an odd shaped or large gift can be wrapped in one way or another. There are large decorated plastic bags that one can buy or if worse comes to worse a white bin bag covered with stickers or bows.

The number of gifts explanation is your responsibility. You can't 'demand' that someone always buy an equal amount of gifts. But I do feel you can 'strongly suggest' that the money amount spent is as equal as possible.

YABU!

YABU. You just need to explain things to your D'S. Your mil did what she was asked.