Would you be annoyed with this.

[Rudolph98]

Oh took kids over to see in laws to have a run around the garden and do gifts. We can meet in groups or 6 outside here. I’ll probably be told I’m being unreasonable or petty.

DS had one largeish gift that was awkward to wrap so it was unwrapped.

Dd had a pile of wrapped presents. Maybe 7 gifts.

Monetary value it was probably similar. DS gift was probably quite expensive.

So she probably spent similar amounts.

But DS has additional needs and doesn’t really understand the value of things money wise. He sees the value of things in quantity which isn’t ideal. He compared his one gift to a pile of presents Dd had.

He hasn’t really said much but said he didn’t have any presents to open just the unwrapped one.

Aibu to think this is a bit naughty?! And she could have bought him something to unwrap. He’d be happy with anything. Selection boxes, items from the pound shop etc. He just wanted something to
open.

He is only 8 and young for his age. If he was older he may understand. Also mil isn’t his biological grandmother but usually treats him as good as her own. Dd is her only bio grandchild.

Aibu to be annoyed? It’s too late to say anything. They will have plenty tomorrow just feel it’s a bit pants.

I know it’s often easier to buy little bits for girls. DS is hard to shop for. But he would have been happy with anything as above.

This is ridiculous. Even though he's got learning difficulties an emotional age of 5/6 is surely old enough to understand the concept of gracious accepting of presents.

Are you looking for a problem that isn't there? Stirring up some Christmas drama? He got a gift
that's the end of it imo

YABU and really calling another adult "naughty " why would you do that?! Your MIL isn't a child.

@greenspacesoverthere yes it’s happened before. Turned a blind eye before. It’s just he didn’t have a thing to unwrap. She could have wrapped his gifts. She had bought gifts for oh and me which they brought home. They could have wrapped his gift. It was quite large but certainly do-able.

Also what was his gift?
If it was a large play set which was assembled or a weird shape then that explains why it wasn’t wrapped. My DS is getting a hot wheels track and a go kart for Christmas, neither of which will be wrapped because they’ll be assembled and ready to play with.

Please don’t take this offensively but it seems you’re a very caring mum but perhaps over defensive because of the fact he isn’t her biological grandchild and he has additional needs.

Take those 2 things out of the equation and say she’d given an unwrapped expensive gift to your DD, would you he quite so “up in arms”?

@Rudolph98

Oh took kids over to see in laws to have a run around the garden and do gifts. We can meet in groups or 6 outside here. I’ll probably be told I’m being unreasonable or petty.

DS had one largeish gift that was awkward to wrap so it was unwrapped.

Dd had a pile of wrapped presents. Maybe 7 gifts.

Monetary value it was probably similar. DS gift was probably quite expensive.

So she probably spent similar amounts.

But DS has additional needs and doesn’t really understand the value of things money wise. He sees the value of things in quantity which isn’t ideal. He compared his one gift to a pile of presents Dd had.

He hasn’t really said much but said he didn’t have any presents to open just the unwrapped one.

Aibu to think this is a bit naughty?! And she could have bought him something to unwrap. He’d be happy with anything. Selection boxes, items from the pound shop etc. He just wanted something to
open.

He is only 8 and young for his age. If he was older he may understand. Also mil isn’t his biological grandmother but usually treats him as good as her own. Dd is her only bio grandchild.

Aibu to be annoyed? It’s too late to say anything. They will have plenty tomorrow just feel it’s a bit pants.

I know it’s often easier to buy little bits for girls. DS is hard to shop for. But he would have been happy with anything as above.

It depends is she knew this about your son. If did then I would be annoyed. If not then obviously not her fault.

You are going to have problems like this again and again with him. So you are going to have to think and plan ahead. Always think through all scenarios and speak to people around you about handling these things. Having a child with additional needs is a lot of work isn't it.

Yep, still BU. Your world revolves around your son, of course it does, but not your MIL's. She was kind and fair with the gifts and your son 'hasnt really said anything' but you're annoyed and think she was 'naughty' for not realising you expect numerous wrapped gifts to he presented to your son? Get over yourself.

@SpongebobNoPants if you really want me to get into details. She’s known him since she was a baby. Insists he calls her nanny and her husband grandad even though he has no time for DS. She told me to stop letting DS his dad... so yeah...

i get it.
your not really annoyed about the gift. more that fact they didn't think of his sn.

I think if his understanding is that of a 5/6 year old you can help him understand the value of his gift compared to your daughter’s. It’s a good teaching moment for him.

I agree it would be better if the present had been wrapped because that’s always more fun, but it’s a small issue in the grand scheme of things.

I don’t give a crap about the gifts. In fact the less the better. I have a tiny house. There was nothing to unwrap for him. Whilst they were exchanging gifts he has nothing to open.. it could have been wrapped or even had a bow or something on it that’s all!

YABU.

@Rudolph98 but she still isn’t his biological grandma and you seem hypersensitive to that.

Like I asked, would you be this upset if she bought a large expensive gift for your DD and it went wrapped because it was an awkward shape?
Or is it because you’re over defensive due to perceived differences in treatment of the 2 kids because he isn’t their biological family and he has additional needs?

Instead of expecting them to be treated exactly the same you need to accept it is different.
Your MIL has clearly accepted him to the family, wants to be called grandma and buys him expensive gifts... I think you need to remember that she was and is not obliged to do any of that and has done it out of kindness.

I actually YANBU. I think most dc would struggle in that scenario, regardless of age or additional needs (although I agree those factors exacerbate the problem). Fairness - or the perception of fairness - is so important to dc. If I buy gifts for my friend’s children, I’d always do equal amounts. Even my teen / young adult dc get roughly the same.

wasn’t wrapped^

If I buy gifts for my friend’s children, I’d always do equal amounts. Even my teen / young adult dc get roughly the same

We have 4 kids in our house ranging from ages 6-16 years old and their Christmas present piles wee vastly different.
Oldest only has around 10 things to open as she has picked expensive trainers, clothes, perfume etc.
6 year old’s pile looks HUGE because he wanted some large, relatively cheap toys.

All kids had the same amount spent on them but for the same price as one pair of the 16yr old’s trainers my DS has probably got 5 toys.

He’s 8, 2/3 years behind his peers, learning difficulties, needing full time support at school. Was non verbal until 5.5. Trying to explain the value of stuff is hard that’s all!

I would say YANBU in empathising with your son. It’s hard for children when they just don’t quite get it yet, but you would be unreasonable to say anything to you MIL. She’s not done anything wrong, she’s bought them both presents, although she probably could have put it in a bag if it was difficult to wrap.

Maybe just chat to DS about it, empathise with how he feels, explain the facts to him, MIL knew he would love this gift so spent more on it etc but she wasn’t sure how to wrap it. He may like to wrap it up today and open it again tomorrow so he gets the full experience? And just say you’re really sorry it wasn’t wrapped, you and nanny didn’t realise how important that bit was but you’re definitely aware now and everything will be wrapped for him next time?

If next year MIL hasn’t wrapped again maybe just wrap it beforehand? ‘oh actually DS really loves the experience of unwrapping presents so can I wrap it before we give it to him?’ Most people really won’t mind!

And Merry Christmas OP!

yes it’s happened before. Turned a blind eye before

Imo because it's happened before you could have been hyper aware and made sure that this situation didn't occur this year - you could have checked with her and then stepped in when you realised what was happening

For my two I can’t say I’ve spent exactly the same amount on them this year. I tend to buy enough gifts so it doesn’t look like what’s got a bigger pile than the other. This will probably get harder as they get older as things get more expensive!

He absolutely adores opening presents. He had no understanding of Christmas until he was 5 or 6 now he loves it! He doesn’t care if things are expensive. He’d be happy receiving a bar of chocolate wrapped up etc! It’s just the surprise element he loves!

I'm with you on this one OP.

@contrmary

YABU, you are responsible for his development and comprehension of the situation.

Ditto.

Christmas can often be a disappointment (anyone, any age really).

You are the mother, of course you are annoyed.

You can't expect people to think the same way you do, especially when they are trying to do a nice thing. Is it really likely she was trying to be spiteful by buying him a more expensive gift and not wrapping it?

It IS a bit weird, I can't think of any gift you can't wrap one way or another, but it's a common mistake from outsider to try to spend similar amount whilst a similar "look" would be better

In the future could you take him shopping with say £10 (2 £5 notes) and then show him one £5 would buy one big thing and the other £5 many smaller items.