Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil standing at window

419 replies

Spied · 24/12/2020 11:47

Just received a text from mil telling me herself and fil would be visiting in the morning to stand at the window and watch the dc open their presents (of which none are from them as they don't do gifts. They put money in an envelopeHmm).
Would it be unreasonable to keep the blinds shut and ignore any door knocking?

OP posts:
Kalula · 25/12/2020 16:06

@NicoleKidmanSuperFan Are you the toxic ILs?

OP DID go along with it. Um, if you had read her posts, you would have seen that. OP......DID....go along with want the ILs wanted.

The arrived 2 hours later and never even bothered interacting with the grandchildren.

So maybe read the posts or stop over-thinking in an attempt to defend anything and everything the ILs did, even when the OP did....want.....they......wanted. To paraphrase you, 'get a life and stop over-thinking to attack the OP when she DID WHAT THE ILs WANTED.

What more did you want the OP to do? Set up a marquee? Hire a band? ffs. Maybe if the ILs showed that they gave half a damn about their grandkids, that would have been nice.

Kalula · 25/12/2020 16:08

Yeah, how dare the mother of those children want to protect her children from self-absorbed grandparents who clearly never wanted to see the grandkids in the first place.... Confused

phoenixrosehere · 25/12/2020 16:08

They stayed 20 minutes talking to dp at the door telling him he looked tired, that our car could do with some new tyres and complaining they were cold.
Dc loitered with dp in the doorway being ignored.
No conversation with the dc about Christmas or their gifts despite dd holding her new game she wanted to show them and both dc looking fab in their matching onesies

@NicoleKidmanSuperFan

So what is the excuse for this then?

Their grandchildren were right there at the door next to their son and they didn’t even ask them how their Christmas was going and what gifts did they get? Didn’t even talk to their granddaughter about the game she wanted to show them?

You can make all the excuses you want for these grandparents but that is wrong no matter the dynamic. I will also add their son should have pulled them up on it or said look at what their daughter wanted to show them or asked the children to tell grandparents about their day so far. I bet if OP had said something you would still see an issue with her.

NicoleKidmanSuperFan · 25/12/2020 16:09

I don’t see any mother in laws on here. Don’t know why that’s so hard for you to believe just because we don’t all agree with you or OP. I’m in my thirties and a mother of three with a mother in law who lives down the road.. so trust me I have my challenges with her! I wouldn’t know how to prove that to you but I’m sure most people on here aren’t just the elderly wanted respect but just chilled out women and mothers.

NicoleKidmanSuperFan · 25/12/2020 16:10

Wanting respect*

NicoleKidmanSuperFan · 25/12/2020 16:14

Haha I just saw your post @Kalula, I’m definitely not the inlaws or even remotely elderly. Should I send a pic of my chin maybe the OP could compare mine to her MIL’s Grin
If the MIL is on mumsnet though this post is really outing ! Good luck with OP

NicoleKidmanSuperFan · 25/12/2020 16:18

@phoenixrosehere I actually don’t believe that had nothing to do with them being either upset or that maybe OP has exaggerating this. Didn’t she say she walked off before she said something? How could she have know what’s happened the whole 20 minutes? If she was eagerly listening and watching the whole time how controlling is that.

JingleFails · 25/12/2020 16:28

I think the answer to this is that some families normalise toxic behaviour to the point that some people have no idea what caring, loving behaviour looks like.
They think GP behaving like this is normal ( it isnt)and ok and so the Op must be a "Grinch lady"
That gave me a good laugh! Grin

1forAll74 · 25/12/2020 16:42

Put two little seats outside for them to sit on,and take a cuppa out to them as well, and also a brolly if it's raining. If it's what they wan't to do, don't spoil it for them.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 25/12/2020 16:59

Well that update was totally predictable. The grandkids were ignored and posters are still tying themselves in knots that their behaviour is the OP's fault, what a joke.

Be honest OP, you got the DC Harry Potter invisibility cloaks for Christmas didn't you? Wink

Merry Christmas OP

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 25/12/2020 17:00

@1forAll74

Put two little seats outside for them to sit on,and take a cuppa out to them as well, and also a brolly if it's raining. If it's what they wan't to do, don't spoil it for them.
Christmas morning has been and gone
phoenixrosehere · 25/12/2020 17:34

How could she have know what’s happened the whole 20 minutes? If she was eagerly listening and watching the whole time how controlling is that

Depends on how loud the conversation is and their surroundings, doesn’t it?

Are you not able to do something and hear a conversation at the same time? Is your living room or kitchen not near the front door or entryway? Is your house quite loud that you can’t hear another conversation? 20 minutes isn’t a long time nor is it controlling to listen and see if said grandparents talk to their grandchildren after making a big deal about seeing them open presents? Something they didn’t care about for years until now when their previous plans fell through. Controlling would be not letting her children talk to said grandparents. Her hearing a conversation which she can since it is her home isn’t controlling.

I get on with my in-laws too and can still see these grandparents as being ridiculous.

Sally65998998 · 25/12/2020 17:39

@NicoleKidmanSuperFan

Are you well? You seem to have it in for the OP. You do know this ab open forum? The bitterness dripping from your posts is quite affecting. It can't be good for you. You're in your thirties with children and you've spent all day on Mumsnet, moaning about someone you don't even know? . Right . That's a choice to make. 😕

Goldencurtain · 25/12/2020 18:02

You really don't seem like a very nice person at all OP. I feel sorry for the in laws to have you in their family.

OverTheRainbow88 · 25/12/2020 18:02

6:30 came and went with no reply so he called her. She answered. Panicking.
"God (dp) I nearly had a heart attack when we got a call so early- thought something had happened to someone".
No 'Merry Christmas' no thanks for calling.

Most people woken from a deep sleep early morning when they don’t know the time would probably panic thinking there’s a problem. They may not have even registered it was Christmas morning to say Merry Christmas.

I think you’re being harsh.

NicoleKidmanSuperFan · 25/12/2020 18:04

@Sally65998998 are you in some sort of doubt that I am a mother of three using mumsnet on Xmas day? We’re in tier 3 and my children have been watching Godmothered and other cheesy films all day while I’ve been cooking a roast in the kitchen. Using mumsnet in between is hardly impossible and yes I am a little bored today as usually see family so as sad as it is this post is entertaining! Am totally well thank you so much for diagnosing a mental health disorder over an inlaw post. Are you qualified? You do know that’s not how diagnosing a mental health issue works right .... (experience)

The bitterness can’t be good for me IF it was there but there’s something called finding all this stuff entertaining (definitely a waste of time I agree) but nonetheless I am no more invested in this post than all the other posters defending OP’s behaviour.
As mean as this sounds thanks for the entertaining post OP, I quite enjoyed focusing on something else rather than the sad shit show outside with the virus. I might post on other threads too!

Sally65998998 · 25/12/2020 18:17

@NicoleKidmanSuperFan

You want to waste your precious time being an arsehole to other people you don't know .... Then on you go, no skin off my nose. This is what your ninth post on this thread? Rather pathetic really. , Maybe it is time you go and drip your poison elsewhere.

I won't be wasting any more of my Christmas day talking to you about it.

NicoleKidmanSuperFan · 25/12/2020 18:22

@Sally65998998 on your way love... have a merry Xmas! We’re having a lovely time Xmas Smile

NicoleKidmanSuperFan · 25/12/2020 18:25

I think the only poison here is the people on here pushing each other to be mean to GPs, so yes it did hit a nerve. My inlaws can be difficult but gosh I love them so much and totally would have made a request like this work for them.

@OverTheRainbow88 that is exactly what I was thinking. 6.30 in the bloody morning, give her a break, Jesus.

Kalula · 25/12/2020 18:34

Just as well then that the OP did make it work then, isn't it?

Are you suggesting that you should tell children they have to wait a couple of hours because their GPs said they want to be called to drive other to stand outside and watch them? Are you honestly serious? Give them a break!

Kalula · 25/12/2020 18:37

@OverTheRainbow88 The GPs presumably know how excited children are on the Christmas day. They asked the OP/son to call them. If they expected to get a phone call at 9am or 10am, they were being very unreasonable. OP went above and beyond. That the GPs didn't even want to interact with the kids after all shows what a power play on behalf of the GPs this was, and they were simply wasting the OP's and the kids' time.

MotherHaryy · 25/12/2020 18:41

This is really weird, even if it wasn't Christmas - I hate it when my MIL just announces she's coming round 😡 And if I say we're busy, she goes to my DP.... craziness!!

Glad it went okay though OP!

GaryTheDemon · 25/12/2020 19:22

😂 well what did they think would happen? Honestly, there’s no pleasing some people. Ask to watch through window - agreed; ask to be contacted - agreed. Yet result: whinge about the time, ignore the kids.

saraclara · 25/12/2020 19:41

If your kids were likely to get up at 6:15 on Christmas day, why on earth didn't one of you tell the in laws that that would likely be the case? That would have solved the whole problem in the first place, surely. They'd just have said 'ah in that case, no we won't be round then'.

Or did you enjoy the fact that you could mess with them? Because you both knew they weren't likely to be awake and ready to go out at at 6:15, didn't you?
Great bit of passive aggressiveness, instead of just communicating properly in the first place.

drspouse · 25/12/2020 19:54

I told my DM ours would be up early and from when they woke up to the first present spree being done was approx 3 minutes, at 7.30 am, and she still asked if she'd missed my call.