Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 ··· 14 15

Original poster

To teach her the "correct" name for it?

369 replies

notyourmummy · 24/12/2020 07:13

My in-laws were shocked today to overhear my 3yo saying she was just wiping her vulva after she'd been for a wee. They think it's wrong for her to call it that and she should use a more "child friendly" word (tuppence was grandma's suggestion). Now my husband has said that he actually agrees with them and he doesn't think it sounds right her saying vulva.
Background info, I'm a survivor of childhood abuse and, although it wouldn't have made any difference what I'd called anyone's genitals, I think that's had an impact on me wanting my children to know and use the right words for them.
So, YABU - she should use a more "child friendly" word.
YANBU - it's good for her to use the correct name.

OP posts:

Nunoftheother · 24/12/2020 12:53

@TwoIsQuiteEnoughThankYou

I don't like all these cutesy-cutesy names for body parts. In our house a penis is a penis and a Geneva is a Geneva.

That could potentially make a visit to Switzerland quite interesting.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 24/12/2020 12:57

I don't think it sounds quite right but I don't think its the wrong thing to do either. I think its just not a very nice word. Its like Moist. Or Pump. All make me shudder.

pandarific · 24/12/2020 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ScrapThatThen · 24/12/2020 13:11

Hi OP I haven't rtft but I think teach her 'this bits called this, but most people call it their , let's use that for short'.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 24/12/2020 13:12

She’s your daughter. You don’t need your in laws opinion on this and you definitely don’t need randoms on the internet deciding what your you daughter calls it. You are her mother, your decisions are valid.

Yeahnahmum · 24/12/2020 13:13

Teach the correct words. Skip all the nonsense. Girl bits, fanny etc.
It is what it is. So call it that. (Eventhough i refer to my own as vagina as i just cant stand the word vulva. Maybe as i just grew up with the word vagina for a good 3 decades 😅. Vulva now sounds sexual to me more then just saying vagina. Cant explain..)

But to actually say to your parents that you are wiping her vulva sounds a bit much to me. You dont have to be so specific in that context. Just saying you were helping her out or cleaning her up would have been enough 🙃 you wouldnt say yourself that you just wiped your own vulva right haha. Just that you wiped. Or simply just that youd been to the toilet.

TheGoogleMum · 24/12/2020 13:19

Genitals is anatomically correct and could be a good alternative for those who dislike saying vulva. I'll probably teach DD that.

countbackfromten · 24/12/2020 13:42

It is a vulva. Just like a penis is a penis. We are so conditioned to think that using terms like vulva or vagina are dirty or wrong and it shouldn’t be!! OP you are doing the right thing and don’t let others say you aren’t!

AliceMcK · 24/12/2020 15:58

[quote Littleyell]@AliceMcK so if that’s the case why are other medical professionals not as fussy about using the term vulva?

I never suggested the word half penny at any point. Like I have already said it’s not rocket science a child would hold themselves and point. You would know.

Your making it hard work. If it was a safe guarding issue I’m sure a professional would speak in LESS formal terms.

Vulva sounds vulgar in my opinion.[/quote]
Not at all true. Complete a safeguarding course, then come back and tell me I’m wrong.

Kaliorphic · 24/12/2020 17:23

I don’t think the safeguarding issue stands a strong enough argument... I think people would know what a young child is trying to get at if something tragic happen. I would assume quite intrusive questions would be asked

No they don't always know what a child is getting at, which is why things get misunderstood or continue longer than they should. It really depends who the child discloses it to and how the person interprets what is being said. That's why it's really important to teach children to use the right words. So there is no doubt.

randomer · 24/12/2020 18:19

Was there ever a more overused phrase than " safeguarding issue". Its a whole industry. Just like CBS, DRB or whatever nonsense is flavour of the month.
I expect Huntly and Carr had paper work aplenty.
Common sense has packed up and left the building.

Kaliorphic · 24/12/2020 18:21

Was there ever a more overused phrase than " safeguarding issue". Its a whole industry. Just like CBS, DRB or whatever nonsense is flavour of the month.

You sound somewhat challenged in the thinking skills department.

randomer · 24/12/2020 18:24

No I'm not but thanks anyway. Its an industry "safeguarding". Is it working? Are things any better for those who lack power and have no voice.I'm not convinced.

Positivevibesonlyplease · 24/12/2020 18:38

Are we really in 2020? So much old fashioned and bizarre terminology, as well as skewed thinking. It’s a vulva, using the word helps to safeguard according to professionals (and common sense.) Surely then, that’s the sensible word to teach and use?

Wheresmykimchi · 24/12/2020 18:43

I absolutely refuse to believe anyone IRL refers to it as their vuova.

Kaliorphic · 24/12/2020 18:43

No I'm not but thanks anyway. Its an industry "safeguarding". Is it working? Are things any better for those who lack power and have no voice.I'm not convinced

Yes it works. Sometimes there are failures which is why it evolves and changes. Examples of that are giving children the tools to describe their bodies in order to keep themselves safe. And yes things are better for some who have no voice or power, some people get missed, and that's why we need to keep adapting and strengthening our safeguards for children and vulnerable adults. It will never be perfect. But it's a damn sight better than having no safeguards at all.

Kaliorphic · 24/12/2020 18:45

absolutely refuse to believe anyone IRL refers to it as their vuova

I think you'll find people tend to use vulva rather than vuova.

Wheresmykimchi · 24/12/2020 18:51

@Kaliorphic

absolutely refuse to believe anyone IRL refers to it as their vuova

I think you'll find people tend to use vulva rather than vuova.

I knew someone would pick up on that but couldn't be arsed to get it deleted. Blame the prosecco.

Dipi79 · 24/12/2020 18:51

My daughters know vulva, vagina and anus. They are 2.5.

MyNameForToday1980 · 24/12/2020 18:52

DD knows both: her 'vulva' and 'your bum where you wee' for disambiguation.

Wheresmykimchi · 24/12/2020 18:53

@Dipi79

My daughters know vulva, vagina and anus. They are 2.5.

I get knowing the words but using them in day to day language?

Wheresmykimchi · 24/12/2020 18:54

@Kaliorphic

Was there ever a more overused phrase than " safeguarding issue". Its a whole industry. Just like CBS, DRB or whatever nonsense is flavour of the month.

You sound somewhat challenged in the thinking skills department.

No. She's right.

Kaliorphic · 24/12/2020 19:03

knew someone would pick up on that but couldn't be arsed to get it deleted. Blame the prosecco.

I didn't need to say it. But I couldn't resist. Normally when people pick up other people's spelling errors they make even worse ones themselves when doing so. As in "muphrys" law. I think I got away with it though 😂

randomer · 24/12/2020 19:06

I suppose there us a handy crossover with phonics.V v v vulva.

Sceptre86 · 24/12/2020 19:12

It is your jome and if you choose to teach your child the correct term then you have every right to. In our house we use front and back bum.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 ··· 14 15