To teach her the "correct" name for it?

[notyourmummy]

My in-laws were shocked today to overhear my 3yo saying she was just wiping her vulva after she'd been for a wee. They think it's wrong for her to call it that and she should use a more "child friendly" word (tuppence was grandma's suggestion). Now my husband has said that he actually agrees with them and he doesn't think it sounds right her saying vulva.
Background info, I'm a survivor of childhood abuse and, although it wouldn't have made any difference what I'd called anyone's genitals, I think that's had an impact on me wanting my children to know and use the right words for them.
So, YABU - she should use a more "child friendly" word.
YANBU - it's good for her to use the correct name.

@Washimal a 3 year wouldn’t be able to express themselves at the best of times. Let alone something more horrific. I’m sorry but you are exaggerating by far.

This isn't me "exaggerating" this is advice given by professionals who have a role in safeguarding children, that is supported by the NHS and other organisations who work with victims of child sexual abuse. The importance of children using correct terms for their anatomy is very well documented, it's not something I've just made up!

I would be interested to see how many reception teachers have taken it Upon. Themselves to use the words you have listed 🤣 it’s more unusual than usual.

Protective Behaviours is a standardised programme developed by experts in child health and Safeguarding and taught in many schools all over the world, it's not about what individual Reception Teacher "take it upon themselves" to say or not say.

But obviously you know better so there's no point in me wasting my time.

Why would you teach your daughter to avoid saying the name of a body part out loud
That's setting her up for issues!
"It's called a vulva darling, but you must never mention it"

Because you don't need to announce it. You can simply say 'I'm
Wiping' and leave it at that. Why announce it just to get granny's attention. I'm all for proper names of things but don't feel the need to state which body part I'm wiping after using the toilet.

I know it's the anatomically correct term, and I totally understand why you're getting your daughter to use the word, but vulva grates with me too, and i have no idea why. It judt feels like nails down a blackboard. Other words do too which are nothing to do with genitalia. I have similar responses to 'moist and gusset and don't have the issue with vagina, penis, etc. I don't have kids but refer to it as my fanny or lady bits.

Plus vulva always makes me think of that character in Spaced, Brian's 'friend's, who they go to see perform in some weird play. DavidvWalliams played him and he was loosely based on Leigh Bowery.

I call my finger a finger, not a “hand worm” or some other twee term

Bonce, nut, noggin?

Do you sit on your buttocks? Or your bum, butt, ass, behind?

Does your arm hurt, or is it your bicep, tricep?

It is laughable to suggest we use the exact anatomical words for every other part of the body all the time because we don’t. I couldn’t care if people choose to teach the exact words for genitalia or not, but this argument is a poor one. As is the issue of abuse. If DD was being abused, she’d be quite capable of telling me about it using the words she knows for her own body. It isn’t about what you call it, it is about how you teach them.

I'm with you op, although I do like vulva. While not completely accurate, in our house we used gina, short for vagina.

I do think random words like tuppence is odd.

Such double standards. Boys can use the word penis, why can’t girls use the correct term.

Tuppence 🤢. It’s like something out of a Catherine Cookson book.

The ignorance on this thread is spectacular bearing mind participants are modern women who probably have all given birth. The vulva refers to the area surrounding the vagina and includes the labia major and minor and the clitoris. It is absolutely the correct term and that is a simple statement of fact.

@ProudAuntie76

I think there is a fine line. It doesn’t have to be vulva or tuppence.

My kids said “my privates” “my private parts” we didn’t do cutesy nicknames. They knew that their genitals were private and from a young age were told that no one else (except a doctor or nurse if they were poorly) should touch or see their privates and that they were to tell us if anyone ever did.

“Wiping my vulva” is a bit distateful, even though it is the correct term. I think I’d worry about a little one announcing that and some sicko overhearing and picturing it or something - it’s an unnecessarily graphic thing to announce. Maybe three is a decent age to start mentioning that we don’t need to talk about what happens in the toilet to everyone as it’s not something everyone wants to hear.

This sums up how I feel perfectly. She should know the correct term over stupid nicknames though; YANBU about that.

If DD was being abused, she’d be quite capable of telling me about it using the words she knows for her own body.

And if it's not you she tells? If she tells someone who does not use the same words and does not recognise what they're being told? You can tell yourself all you like that the issue of abuse is a poor argument but the evidence is overwhelming that teaching children universally understood names of body parts supports safeguarding. If you have no wish to extend that protection your your dd, that's your look out, but pretending there's no good reason to do so is just so weak.

As for the "do you say bicep or arm", the bicep is part of the arm. No one is asking people to refer to their pubourethralis, pubovaginalis, puboanalis or puborectalis muscles, are they?

Because you don't need to announce it. You can simply say 'I'm
Wiping' and leave it at that. Why announce it just to get granny's attention. I'm all for proper names of things but don't feel the need to state which body part I'm wiping after using the toilet.

She's 3!!!!

We use minnie

It’s well known around this area so I doubt anyone would me confused if someone said “Bob touched my minnie”

Using the correct term is very important. All my girls say vagina (yes I know technically not correct, that’s my fault as even as an adult with children I never knew it was vulva until I read it on MN). But at least no one can mistake vagina for a piece of currency.

They know boys have a willy/penis.

I’ve also taught my children no one can touch their vaginas, bums, breasts and they can not touch anyone else’s. Only mummy, daddy and nursery teachers are allowed to help them when they do poos and struggle cleaning their bum but never any other time. As they get older I teach them these are their personal private parts which is why they are covered with vests and knickers.

My 22 month old knows pee pee comes from her vulva and poo from her bum. There's literally zero reason to be ashamed, embarrassed or otherwise offended by correct terms. As she gets older I'll teach her more specific terms in an age appropriate way.

Anyone who thinks children shouldn't use words like "vulva" are just projecting their own insecurities.

I think it's really weird that people seem actually OFFENDED by a child using the correct word for a part of their body.
Can anyone who thinks Vulva is a horrible word explain what it is that makes it horrible?

If DD was being abused, she’d be quite capable of telling me about it using the words she knows for her own body. It isn’t about what you call it, it is about how you teach them.

And what about when she needs to be interviewed by police investigating the abuse if she isn’t able to use a word that is unambiguous if challenged in court? What if that means they have to spend an extra ten minutes getting her to explain exactly where on her body she’s been touched? What if it means the CPS decide there isn’t enough evidence to bring a successful prosecution because she hasn’t been clear enough?

@Soubriquet

We use minnie

It’s well known around this area so I doubt anyone would me confused if someone said “Bob touched my minnie”

And this is the exact word which led the child I referred to earlier to have to undergo more detailed and very uncomfortable questioning to try to gather evidence to punish her abuser.

[quote Littleyell]@Washimal a 3 year wouldn’t be able to express themselves at the best of times. Let alone something more horrific. I’m sorry but you are exaggerating by far.

My DS would let me know and we call it Willy and he would point to it or hold himself. If this isn’t clear enough perhaps your being obtuse because you don’t want to consider anybody else’s point of view other than your own of course

I would be interested to see how many reception teachers have taken it Upon. Themselves to use the words you have listed 🤣 it’s more unusual than usual.[/quote]
My DCs reception teachers use the correct terms with the children.

As for a 3 year old describing something horrific, your right they can’t but they can tell someone that x hurt their vulva or Willy, that in it self should trigger an investigation. But if a 3yo said x hurt my halfpenny how the hell is a teacher or other adult suppose to know what a halfpenny is, it could be the name of a toy.

Maybe you should read up in child safeguarding or do some training on it.

@Mischance

*Because you don't need to announce it. You can simply say 'I'm Wiping' and leave it at that. Why announce it just to get granny's attention. I'm all for proper names of things but don't feel the need to state which body part I'm wiping after using the toilet.*

She's 3!!!!

Exactly, she’s 3, why teach her the correct words if your going to tell her NOT to use them. A 3 year old dosnt understand what she’s announcing. My 3 yo dose the same. My older DDs did at that age too but they grow out of it.

Telling her not to use the words in front of others is teaching her there is something to be ashamed of, which there isn’t.

@IRememberMySpaceBabe

There’s literally people who have worked with abused children who say using the correct terms is the best thing to do, and you still have people like Ew A 3 yEaR oLd SaYiNg VuLvA. It’s utterly, utterly bizarre how people find an anatomically correct word used by a child weird/inappropriate/cringey.

I wish I could 'like' this post - perfectly said.

I taught mine the ‘right’ term for their genitals but as they got a bit bigger they chose what they wanted to call them
‘Lady area’ (I still cringe) and ‘my girl parts’
The boys called it ‘my conkers’ ‘my Richard’ (god only knows where that came from) and ‘my Willy’
As long as they could say their ‘vulva’ or ‘penis’ and know which body part they where meaning if (god forbid) something did happen then I didn’t really give a monkeys what they wanted to call them at home
It’s what they wanted to call their genitals and I just swung with it

@bilbobercow I think vulva is a horrible word, I think because it sounds like vulgar? I probably wouldn't buy a Volvo either 😂.

But if I had a DD, she would be taught vulva, since there isn't a clear and readily understood nickname for that that sounds better. Hopefully with more people telling small children it's a vulva rather than a flower or twinkle (common in these parts) it will become more normal and less vulgar sounding.

DS calls his a willy, he has noticed that daddy also has a willy. I'm not sure what I will tell him if he asks what mummy has, probably a vulva. I don't really need to refer to them often but would probably plump for 'bits'. I would have no problems discussing a vulva with a medical professional but haven't needed to, even through 2 pregnancies.

This is one of those things that you will be universally lauded for on MN, as though you are parent of the year. There are of course many good reasons for children to learn the correct terminology for their body parts (The main one being - why on earth wouldn’t you?).

Now teach her to shut up about it in public. No one needs to hear that she’s ‘wiping her vulva’. Christ alive.

Most adults I know wouldn’t use the word ‘vulva’ outside of a doctors surgery, which is probably why it sounds so jarring. I can’t get animated about it though. My kids use a coy word for penis but also understand the correct word is penis.

@AliceMcK so if that’s the case why are other medical professionals not as fussy about using the term vulva?

I never suggested the word half penny at any point. Like I have already said it’s not rocket science a child would hold themselves and point. You would know.

Your making it hard work. If it was a safe guarding issue I’m sure a professional would speak in LESS formal terms.

Vulva sounds vulgar in my opinion.

If it was a safe guarding issue I’m sure a professional would speak in LESS formal terms.

Not at all. See my previous posts for an explanation why.