To teach her the "correct" name for it?

[notyourmummy]

My in-laws were shocked today to overhear my 3yo saying she was just wiping her vulva after she'd been for a wee. They think it's wrong for her to call it that and she should use a more "child friendly" word (tuppence was grandma's suggestion). Now my husband has said that he actually agrees with them and he doesn't think it sounds right her saying vulva.
Background info, I'm a survivor of childhood abuse and, although it wouldn't have made any difference what I'd called anyone's genitals, I think that's had an impact on me wanting my children to know and use the right words for them.
So, YABU - she should use a more "child friendly" word.
YANBU - it's good for her to use the correct name.

As a kid I called it my bits. People knew what you meant. I also cringe at vulva, not sure why. I say vagina.

@lazyarse123

Your post made me laugh. I think I agree.

I feel a bit odd admitting this but using the word ‘Vulva’ does make me have an explicit mental image, whereas I would never even think twice about other words.

Do any of these children ever have tummy aches?

What's with all the disgust and horror about the word vulva? Especially for those who are happy to say vagina? Why on earth is one revolting and one not?

You do realise that this perpetuates the misogynistic attitude that the female genitalia is dirty and disgusting, something to be mocked and ridiculed - the worst possible insult (cunt for the avoidance of doubt). Do you really want your daughters to feel like that? I don't! One of the ways we can challenge this is to normalise reference to it without all the silly eeeewwww-ing about it.

So what do you all say when you go to the doctors? I remember as a young adult having to look it up as I didn’t know the word vulva even then! I was determined my dds wouldn’t have the same problem.

I think it’s important to know, and it’s important to know when to use it. 3yo is a good age to start, and sometimes she’ll get it wrong but that’s ok.

I don't see that it really matters what they call it, as long as it's obvious to an adult what they're talking about. So I don't think things like "flower" are appropriate, but other than that - who cares?

Is fanny a rude word? Not everyone knows what Minnie,foofoo,flower,Mary,mimsie mean but everyone knows what a fanny is. Is it the same as Willy or is it ruder?

I use Vulva or ‘your private’s’ though my 3 year says Willy half the time.

As I said upthread my gran (A Victorian) used to call the vagina a 'halfpenny' (pronounced hay-penny).

@JinglingHellsBells unless you’re a Londoner in which case you pronounce it ‘ape-ney’ which would make the vulva an ape?

I actually don't think it matters either way, so long as they have a name for it.

When I was growing up we'd have called it a tuppence, flower, 'front bum' (my mother taught me that one haha) and things like willy, todger, widger for boys.

It really doesn't matter. There's plenty of time to learn correct vocabulary in sex ed.

But if you want to teach them correct names, that's fine, too!

This reminds me of a neighbour of ours. In my teens, if she saw I was dressed to go out, she'd nudge me and grin saying "Keep your hand on your ha'penny". Bewildered me for weeks.

@Jenstar123

I don’t think there is anything wrong with teaching your DD the correct words however I do think you are doing this to make a point because of the type of body part. Do you also teach her to say ‘abdomen’ instead of tummy? Or ‘buttocks’ instead of bum?

My kids say vulva because there isn't an alternative tummy/willy/bum type word for it?

Fanny maybe? But that's quite crude.
Pussy? Very crude/sexual.
Flower/foofoo/tuppence/Mary/fairy/cookie? I couldn't bring myself to pick some random odd word.

Why does she need to announce it though? Well done you for teaching her the correct words. But why couldn't she say, 'I'm just wiping' or 'I'm having a wee' or would you prefer 'mother, one is just wiping their vulva after urinating'

Vulva is just a word though, a word for a body part.

It is sad/alarming how many adult women think vulva is disgusting or embarassing while penis is totally fine.
There's nothing intrinsic about the letters involved that make one good and one bad.

@Washimal in the nicest way. A 3 year would not be expected to use the term VULVA!!

It may not be "expected", but it is certainly very helpful in the course of an investigation if they know and are able to use words like vulva, vagina, anus etc. for reasons that she been repeatedly outlined on this thread. Also, as has been stated a would-be perpetrator probably wouldn't be expecting a 3 year old to be able to correctly identify and name those body parts either, lwhich is why they would most likely be taken aback and be discouraged from abusing a child who would clearly be able to accurately describe what had taken place. That's why professionals who have a responsibility for safeguarding children now recommend they are taught those terms and not twee euphemisms.
When my DD was four her reception class were all taught to say vulva, vagina, anus, penis, testicles etc as part of a session around Protective Behaviours, which is taught in all the primary schools in our local authority and many others so it's really not as unusual as some MN'ers seem to think for small children to know these names.

I thought fanny was the equivalent of willy

Anything.....just anything......is better than tuppence. Cheapens the female genitalia I feel!

@AlbusSeverusMalfoy

Why does she need to announce it though? Well done you for teaching her the correct words. But why couldn't she say, 'I'm just wiping' or 'I'm having a wee' or would you prefer 'mother, one is just wiping their vulva after urinating'

Why would you teach your daughter to avoid saying the name of a body part out loud That's setting her up for issues! "It's called a vulva darling, but you must never mention it"

@AlbusSeverusMalfoy

Why does she need to announce it though? Well done you for teaching her the correct words. But why couldn't she say, 'I'm just wiping' or 'I'm having a wee' or would you prefer 'mother, one is just wiping their vulva after urinating'

Yes this is exactly how MN make it sound!!

If you were using the anatomically correct term it would be ‘I’ve just wiped my urethral opening’. And it would be anus not vulva if she’d pooed.

I don’t really see the issue with knowing the correct terms for genitalia but saying ‘I’ve wiped my bottom’ for more general usage.

We went with 'front bottom'

Why does she need to announce it though?

Because she's three! I don't think it means OP has trained her to announce it. Some three year olds feel they have to announce every thought in their heads, hence why they are known for saying some very strange things.

@Washimal a 3 year wouldn’t be able to express themselves at the best of times. Let alone something more horrific. I’m sorry but you are exaggerating by far.

My DS would let me know and we call it Willy and he would point to it or hold himself. If this isn’t clear enough perhaps your being obtuse because you don’t want to consider anybody else’s point of view other than your own of course

I would be interested to see how many reception teachers have taken it Upon. Themselves to use the words you have listed 🤣 it’s more unusual than usual.

I thought fanny was the equivalent of willy

That sort of illustrates the point. You assume "Fanny" to be "the equivalent of willy". In America/Canada "fanny" is commonly used for buttocks, but here it's generally used for vulva/vagina. Some posters on this thread have said they have taught there DC to use "bum" to describe their vulva/vagina and buttocks...when everyone has their own euphemisms and their own interpretations these things can get confusing in a Safeguarding context!

At two I think "crotch" is sufficient.