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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you love to say to your ex?

168 replies

Ostryga · 24/12/2020 00:09

I’ll start - I’m kind of grateful.

I’d never experienced emotional abuse before you, and now I know exactly what it can do to me in such a short space of time. And I’ll never allow myself to ever feel like that again.

Thanks for making me fight for myself. I know how fucking immensely strong I actually am.

OP posts:
yellowcatss · 24/12/2020 02:11

sorry that i didnt get help for my depression when i was with you it wasnt easy for you
thank you that you broke up with me as it proved to be the catalyst to get help.

BitOfANameChange · 24/12/2020 02:14

Well, you died suddenly, and few people have missed you. It's a shame you never managed to be the decent man you could have been. I saw the potential, but you didn't have the strength of character to fulfil that potential.

I'm now more confident than I've been in years, and next year I'll start dating. I'm planning to have the fun I never really had with you, since you got me at a young age and I never went dating in my teens.

Seeing your coffin gave me the closure I needed. DC feel the same, actually.

UndertheCedartree · 24/12/2020 02:14

I'm so sad that our relationship broke down due to your mental illness. You're a lovely person, a kind friend and a great co-parent.

MonkeyPuddle · 24/12/2020 02:18

Your son isn’t your property. He is a person in his own right.
Be a good parent, be one for him, don’t put on a fake show, put him first.

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/12/2020 02:22

Depends on the ex.

ExH - nothing. The best revenge is a life well lived.

ExBF after exH - sorry, I was very damaged after exH and should have been kinder to you. You were right to break up, even though it made me sad.

ExBF after exBF after exH - oops still damaged.

I worked it out for DH though. Phew.

ChristmasCookies · 24/12/2020 02:23

Now you know how it feels

Bumsnet2021 · 24/12/2020 02:25

Not mine, but my husbands.

Grow up, get over it, and think of your children rather than yourself for once. You horrible, spiteful, evil and bitter cow.

SisterlyCare · 24/12/2020 02:38

I loved you, and now I care about you and appreciate the time we had together. I’m so sorry I couldn’t help you through your trauma but I had to put myself first eventually. Our marriage was toxic, and it wasn’t a stable home for the kids. Please be a good father to them, they deserve better than have us fight over scraps of our marriage which wasn’t worth savings.

I wish my parents would say this to each other.

Yeahnahmum · 24/12/2020 02:44

I hope you are happy now and found love. You deserve it

LunaNorth · 24/12/2020 03:16

You can stop playing the victim now. It’s not a good look. Everything that happened, you had a hand in. Take some responsibility, sort your life out, get a job and for fuck’s sake allow your sons into your home. Even if that means getting off your arse and cleaning it.

Oh, and our wedding night? That was rape, and the reason why the marriage stood no chance.

ginandgingers92 · 24/12/2020 04:26

Im sorry I broke your heart. You're a great guy and you're hilarious. I really hope you find someone soon and that you live a long and happy life with her.

malificent7 · 24/12/2020 04:41

You are probably a psychopath.

slipperywhensparticus · 24/12/2020 04:42

Ex 1 you were not on drugs till we split and your now wife slagging me off for not standing by you after we split is just weird you too are welcome to your druggie drama leave me and mine out if it and yes I include our daughter in that you ditched her ignored her walked past her on the street when I wasn't even around you can't blame me for that

Ex 2 OMG im not violent and aggressive because I'm ignoring your shenanigans im just ignoring you I've never hit anyone in my life! people are bemused your telling them this ive got complete strangers who are terrified of me! me? I'm just me? Never violent bit messy prefer cats to people and I spend a lot of time moving forward away from you

MrsOmelette · 24/12/2020 06:02

I hate the fact that I truly wish you dead. I’m a pacifist, a nice, kind, loving person, I know what loss and bereavement feel like but I do, I wish you dead: I now have that bitter hatred inside, and have to live with the terror of c-PTSD. I loathe you exist.

Yellownotblue · 24/12/2020 06:35

I’m sorry your wife died.

IamTomHanks · 24/12/2020 06:38

How's making minimum wage at the Apple Store treating you? Myself, I'm on 6 figures and finished my Masters a couple of years ago. Still not have that Bachelors hmmmm? My husband and kids are fine, you're still single aren't you? So what does your mother consider common these days? Because I'm pretty sure you've checked off everything on her list.

SalemsPot22 · 24/12/2020 06:47

Hahaaaa my life’s better than yours.

IDontMindMarmite · 24/12/2020 06:49

Nothing. I never even think of him.

Lonecatwithkitten · 24/12/2020 06:55

There is only one person responsible for your poor relationship with our DD - that's you.
She knows why we split because you had a sleep over with OW with DD in your house 3 days after you left the family home. You got drunk and drove with her in the car. You verbally and emotionally abused her. Unfortunately she saw through you far faster than I did.

Blacktothepink · 24/12/2020 06:57

Fuck you, you nasty, violent cunt!!

Fbtw · 24/12/2020 07:01

I used to think I’d say all sorts. I used to plan it on my head.

But it wouldn’t make any difference. He wouldn’t change. God knows I said enough before we split.

Now, I just sit back and watch as the scales fall from other people’s eyes. And that does give me a satisfied feeling.

NiceTwin · 24/12/2020 07:08

Thank you for loving me as much as I loved you.
You broke my heart, it took years to heal, but if it hadn't been for you, I'd still be living in that city.
I love where I live, love the life I have and wouldn't have met all my wonderful friends had I not moved. Bumping into you the last time, made me realise I had to get away and start afresh.

I'm sorry your marriage didn't work out, I hope you are happy now though.

PseuDenim · 24/12/2020 07:14

I KNOW you met her before you decided to leave despite your saying that you met after - also not cool to just move her in with no thought or warning for the DC, just as usual expecting them to suck it up because you don’t understand they are children and therefore process things in a different way.

Also you were a messy sloppy lazy drunk.

Ahhhh satisfying!

TroysMammy · 24/12/2020 07:18

I'm happy you are engaged but please learn from our marriage and not take the piss like you did. I hope you do your share of housework, cooking, putting the bins out and all the other mundane things in life and not give the excuse "but I'm going out cycling" . I know you've been in the same job for a while, keep it like that.
Perhaps you can both go away on holidays, when you can, because in our 13 year marriage when you were in and out, mostly out, of jobs we never went on holiday once. A weekend at your mates where you both gamed all the time was not a holiday.

SepiaTonedLove · 24/12/2020 08:17

Two years on and I'm still not over your betrayal. I'm only beginning to rebuild my life at this stage and I'm running out of time to fulfill my dream of becoming a mother.