DH can’t be arsed to sit at table for Christmas dinner

[Brawsome]

Too much to expect? Five of us this year so fewer than usual. I’ve done all the shopping and will do the cooking. But he just wants his usual tray in front of the tv and has little interest in joining the family at the table and contributing to the chat. I’m beyond frustrated and just can’t face another argument. It seems very rude to me, but are my expectations too high? Ironically, if he does join us the convo will mostly be about why all the governments (UK) are wrong about Covid, so perhaps we are better off pulling our crackers without him. Anyone else dealing with similar?

My dm was a SAHM when we were younger and df worked in the pub Xmas morning. Even then not only was the table laid up, glasses polished, but he would do all the pots and clean the cooker before having a snooze.

My dh and I usually ate at a laid table at the weekend at least, complete with veg in dishes. I'm on my own now but with my bubble tomorrow. I've got out the old white sheets, bought a disposable table cloth with marching napkins to cover, polished the cutlery. There's doileys for the serving plates. We've got crackers, water glasses etc.

Your post is sad because it indicates the eradication of family discussions over a shared meal.

Hungry Christmas for him then!

Eating is a social thing, especially at festival times.

Let him, his lunch can be a cheese sandwich, a bag of crisps and a glass of weak squash. Close the door on him and enjoy your own food at the table.

Gravy on your lap? That doesn't make any sense.

The ridiculous exaggerated stretches and jibes at the OPs childhood on this thread are absurdly hilarious. Christmas Mumsnet at its best.

Lolz I’d not be making him any dinner - he’s either included in the day or not - if he chided to not join then tell him to sort his own sad tray dinner 😂

How do men like this ever even get a wife - it puzzles me - sounds like a horrible person tbh

Feeling enormously cheered up by you all. Laughing at some of the comments too. It’s all generally good, but this one thing is such a pisser. Love having a special dinner and time to enjoy it as a family. The place will be set, sure it will be fine. You kind of drift into things, so time to start challenging such miserable behaviour. Thanks everyone.

It would be one thing to say 'Hey braw, I fancy us having a really relaxed informal Christmas what do you think?' and then making that happen with plans for tv/games/food. But who wants to be the kind of husband who eats Christmas Dinner from a tray on his lap separately from his family and doesn't even pull a cracker or raise a glass or take pride in planning?

How do men like this ever even get a wife - it puzzles me

Because people tend to be on their best behaviour at the beginning of a relationship? Because too many women convince themselves that men will change when they are married? Because we are still socialised to have lower expectations of men than women in family life and relationships?

Sounds like my BIL. I'm quite happy he doesn't sit at the table as he's easier to ignore from the other side of the room.

@C8H10N4O2

How do men like this ever even get a wife - it puzzles me

Because people tend to be on their best behaviour at the beginning of a relationship? Because too many women convince themselves that men will change when they are married? Because we are still socialised to have lower expectations of men than women in family life and relationships?

All the above.

And also because women are socialised to think that they are a failure if they don't have a man attached. And come to tolerate shit like this as a price of "not breaking up the family".

I cannot abide people who talk and eat, seeing all that food swilling around, revolting, my ex MIL was always late for meals whether the Christmas lunch at home, or a table booked somehwhere, the height of rudeness and the worst sin as far as I am concerned is the mobile phones being used during the meal. I booked a little special historic part of an old local establishment for my DD landmrk Birthday, out came the phone, she didn;t take any pictures of the surrounding or place, was texting every single minute she wasn't actually eating, I came so close to walking out and leaving her to it. It was obvious I had gone to a lot of trouble and expensive, she did post a pic of herself, pouting on a social media sight.

Oh, and if you are sitting round a table, you do not get up and leave until everyone has finished eating!! See I do have standards in my cave

How’d it go OP?