DH can’t be arsed to sit at table for Christmas dinner

[Brawsome]

Too much to expect? Five of us this year so fewer than usual. I’ve done all the shopping and will do the cooking. But he just wants his usual tray in front of the tv and has little interest in joining the family at the table and contributing to the chat. I’m beyond frustrated and just can’t face another argument. It seems very rude to me, but are my expectations too high? Ironically, if he does join us the convo will mostly be about why all the governments (UK) are wrong about Covid, so perhaps we are better off pulling our crackers without him. Anyone else dealing with similar?

So rude.

I feel for you OP.

It’s shit when you’ve made such an effort for something nice and he behaves with such contempt.

It’s a horrible example to the kids, and to show that he prefers the company of the TV to his own family...

You won’t want an ‘atmosphere’ for the kids but I would be doing some very plain talking once Christmas is done.

Don't let him eat unless he's prepared to sit at the table with you! Failing that, kick him out. Life's hard enough as it is right now to waste your energy dealing with an idiotic husband.

So the TV is on while you have Christmas dinner? That in itself is weird.
The fact that he'd rather give his attention to it than to his meal and his family at Christmas Dinner is just bleak.

Well, he'd be cooking for himself and not eating any of the delicious Christmas Lunch/Dinner if he did that to me. If he's not prepared to make the effort for his family, why should they put in any effort for him and his stomach.

Seriously OP it's the only way forward, otherwise the dc will think it's ok and it's not. It's totally self-centred, thoughtless and rude.

P.S. We find crackers pulled at the start of the meal with silly jokes, surprise contents etc a great way of keeping conversation off being critical over political issues and suchlike. Kids are teens now but still like childish ones, this year we've got Lakeland ones with wind up racing polar bears which I know will go down well due to the competitive nature of dc & dh.

I would look at him in the eye and say this..
'If you do not want to sit up with your family on Christmas Day, I will not be preparing any food for you. Your choice.
And by the way.... this is going to be what happens from now on, so get your head round it.
No sit at table, no food'

What a saddo

Give him the heave ho ho ho!

Seriously, even my 4 year knows that at meal times we all sit together at the table. It's a mark of respect and friendship towards each other.

Having a chat with him about expectations sounds like something you would do with a teenager. Not a full grown adult.

Table or tray - don't care (obviously table preferable for Xmas Day). But eating meals should be done together unless there's a logistical reason not to - which there shouldn't be on Xmas Day.

It's the height of rudeness to scurry away to eat your meal at the same time as, but away from, the rest of the family.

Invite a handsome, single male friend to take his place.

What a strange man. Bad enough eating on a tray the rest of the year if you have a dining table but Christmas Day?!

Only people who sit at the table can eat.

Christmas meal rules.

I’ll start by saying YANBU, it’s not a high expectation.
Tomorrow I will not read at the table because it’s Christmas Day and Christmas dinner, however it’s my DH’s bugbear that I read at the table, rather then have discussions.
I do it because at the moment I’m the SAHP and it’s honestly the only peace I get. I savour that time. I don’t want to engage I want a few minutes of quiet.
Doesn’t sound to me like your DH is in the same position though.

I would be working out how to remove the fuse that runs the circuit that the TV is on and how to change the router password .....if he wants to behave like an ungrateful teenager (sorry to most teens who do not behave like this) then treat him like one.

Since having children 15 years ago, meals are at a table as a family, no excuses. Whatever way you play it he’s going be to ruin your Xmas meal. I’d be inclined to let him sit in the other room and spend the rest of Christmas figuring out a plan to leave and have a life without him as part of it. Life is too short to be in a relationship with someone that makes what should a be a special time so bloody difficult. It’s no example for your children’s and frankly very sad.

If my DP preferred sitting alone watching dinner than sitting with me and our family I would be packing his bags and granting his wish allowing him to be alone in a new house!
Please consider why he is doing this and do not just accept it. You deserve better x

My husband has pain issues and struggles to sit in certain seats for any length of time. Despite that he will be sitting at the Christmas table, he couldn't imagine not doing that. He has an excuse and will still do it, your husband just doesn't.

What a miserable sod. Once you and the DCs are settled at the table and the food's dished up, ask him what he's planned for his own dinner.

My DH is really poorly, in a lot of pain barely eaten anything for days and has had a life changing, potentially life limiting diagnosis this week. He full intends to put a game face on and "enjoy" Christmas dinner.

Your DH sounds absolutely awful OP, but as you're unlikely to change him in the next 24 hours, I hope you have a lovely time without him.

My DH can at times do something that makes me at how antisocial it seems so I do get it but... not dinner with his family on Christmas Day! He wouldn’t on any other day either, especially if I’d gone to so much effort. He will be clearing up, won’t it? If not then leave it- waltz into the lounge, bottle of wine and box of chocs in hand and kick him out to the kitchen to clean up!!

He will be washing up and playing board games with you all after dinner, won’t he?

What does he bring to your life genuinely?

If he wants a tv dinner on his lap he can organize one. Respect his wishes to not be included in Christmas dinner plans.

Sounds like me ex fil. Thought he was a one off. It's so rude. I personally would say if you want the food you sit at the table every night end of - don't like it then cook for yourself!

How selfish, its not just about him, do you have children? What about them?

My dh will be donning a tux this year, with dickie bow and the girls have grown up black cocktail style dresses!

It is what you make it. It really is.
Very selfish.

However.... If he's going to moan about covid... Perhaps sitting in front of the telly isn't far enough away.
Op why don't you make him comfortable and spoil him with Xmas Dinner in bed, assuming you have a TV in the bedroom?

Bliss for him and blissful for you all.

I think the real question is what will be be cooking himself for Christmas dinner, because no way would I be making food for someone who can't even be sniffed to eat it in the same room as me.