DH can’t be arsed to sit at table for Christmas dinner

[Brawsome]

Too much to expect? Five of us this year so fewer than usual. I’ve done all the shopping and will do the cooking. But he just wants his usual tray in front of the tv and has little interest in joining the family at the table and contributing to the chat. I’m beyond frustrated and just can’t face another argument. It seems very rude to me, but are my expectations too high? Ironically, if he does join us the convo will mostly be about why all the governments (UK) are wrong about Covid, so perhaps we are better off pulling our crackers without him. Anyone else dealing with similar?

How bloody rude! That's an insult to you, DCs, and guests! I wouldn't cook him a dinner! Actually, I would, and then I would call him out in front of everyone when it's ready "come on DH! We are waiting for you, christmas dinner is on the table, come and pull a cracker" I think the TV remote may also mysteriously disappear on christmas morning too.

Oh I couldn't stand that. We're casual as hell but Christmas and other celebrations and we all sit together.

What’s the point of him?

Tomorrow should be the first day that he has no more trays in front of the tv. Ever, unless he has cooked and made all the meal.

We eat around the table every evening. He sounds very selfish and rude OP

Does he give any explanation as to why he can't or won't sit at the table for a family meal?

We always eat at the table with the exception that when DP came over after the first lockdown and we had to social distance (am vulnerable) we ate in the lounge. But no-one in my house would dare tell me they’d decided to eat in the lounge if I served dinner at the table.

Ironically in my parents’ house it’s my mum who likes to eat in the lounge and my dad who sits at the table, and when we go there it’s just natural to go to the table. She doesn’t do it at Christmas or Sunday roasts etc though and it works for them.

One nice thing about lockdown has been that wfh means we sit together at the table most nights. Even if we can’t think of anything to say we have the radio on. I would tell him if he wants that to cook and to leave the rest of you alone!

He sounds like an arse! What a horrible man. I am worried about you in a relationship like this. Is he abussive in other ways?
I also suspect he will not contribute to the making of said Christmas Dinner.
I would set his place at table and ignore his child like behaviour💐💐

Just a thought is he depressed or taking lock down Christmas badly. My do ( who cooks Christmas dinner) did make emotional huffing for a few days after our whole Christmas was cancelled by Boris on Saturday tier 4 😔 Whilst I was in tears ( as were many women I’ve spoken too) even though we only had a little one day meal planned everything just was bleak!

well,op- you could rest easy knowing first page of scrollings aint gony schnatch out man....i spoze...or...trip the switch?or be reet propa grown up and covid taantrum ..

This would give me the rage! All that effort cooking, just for him to sit in front of the telly like it's any other day. Plus what kind of message does that send to your DC that he can't be bothered to interact with them on Christmas Day??? What a loser.

@justilou1

Easily fixed.., don’t invite him. Cook for everyone else and he can make toast

Yep. This. "Eat with the family this ONE DAY a year, or sort out your own meal. It will not be ours."

@soopedup

What’s the point of him?

Precisely!

@thepeopleversuswork

That would be a dealbreaker for me I have to say. No way in God's earth would I shop, prepare and cook food for someone who can't be arsed joining his family for lunch on Christmas Day.

Tell him if he wants a TV dinner to order a takeaway.

This 100% ^

Wtf.does he eat off a tray every other night?! Gross.

What a miserable bastard.

It sounds like he's opting out of the family.

Is there more to this. I can't believe this is out the blue.

That is so shocking, I couldn't be with someone like that

Don't cook for him. He sounds vile.

Is there any neurodiversity to consider,. OP? My DP has sensory sensitivities related to the sound of chewing and hyperactivity, which makes it very hard for him to sit through a family dinner. Having music on helps a lot, as does him serving everyone else (lots of getting up and down). Is that a possibility?

Eating your dinner from your lap on Christmas Day is rather grim. He sounds pretty vulgar.

Serve his dinner into a dog bowl, slam it onto his tray and throw it in his direction.

You’d be better off without him at the dinner table. He sounds utterly boring 🥱

Some people don't have a choice Noway.

Choosing not to do so when you have the option in favour of ignoring your family is rude, especially at Christmas, and OP's sounds like a dick.

But please can we stop referring to people who don't have dining tables as vulgar? Very weird behaviour

That is shocking, how on earth did it get to be like that ... how could you want to have children with someone who treats you with such contempt?

Was he always like this?

The trouble with trying to talk to someone about this sort of behaviour is that they clearly think it is totally reasonable to opt out of a very normal family activity - eating together - so whatever you say he is unlikely to change his opinion.