To think males should be taught not to approach random women in the street?

[Merrybloodychristmas]

Or do you think it's a harmless annoyance?

I've just been walking back from my local shops, wearing headphones, and became a were of a random bloke walking next to me talking to me. I pointed to the headphones and kept walking as if to say "can't hear you, sorry"

He continues walking next to me and gives me the "one minute" gesture so I took off my headphones and asked what the matter was.

He asked where a certain station is and I said I didn't know, sorry.

He then says "ah that's cool, I live there anyway I just wanted an excuse to talk to you"

I'm a nervous person by nature when dealing with unfamiliar men as I've had a handful of bad experiences so I felt really uncomfortable by this point. I told him I'm not going to stop and talk because I have a partner at home and I'm busy.

He then gives me a bit of attitude and says "so what you saying, you can't even talk to somebody"

I walked on but spent the next 5 minutes looking over my shoulder just incase he decided to follow me.

Shouldn't men (when boys) be taught not to do this shit?

I'm usually supportive of anything that keeps women safe but to teach men that they shouldn't even speak to a woman is going too far,

Men are not all evil bastards and such a move can only alienate and divide. I have a 12yo son who has been raised to treat everyone with the same courtesy and respect. He doesn't deserve to be treated like that.

Who suggested that, Mintjulia?

The title of the post.

My ds goes to school, he chats to the girls at the bus stop, just the same as the boys. I'm not going to teach him that women are nervous fragile flowers who mustn't be spoken to. That's not true or particularly healthy.
The op who said men (everyone) should be able to read social cues and not hassle other people, has the right balance.

In the end, it comes down to good manners.

Op, not op

Pp not op ( bloody autocorrect )

@Yeahnahmum

Not everything is men's fault. Not everything should be changed by men. You could have just ignored the dude. But id find it rude for one that he was trying to ask you something and you just pointedout your earphones. What if he was actually sincere and looking for something.

We're talking about men trying to pick up women (that are otherwise engaged )on the street. Who's fault is it then? Women's for existing and going on about their day? Who should change it? The aliens?

If they need directions/are in dire need of something/it's an emergency/the time/whatever fair enough. I mean they could approach someone else that doesn't have headphones in,or talking on the phone or with someone else or otherwise busy or engaged, but who know maybe it it's impossible to find someone else. Understandable. Acceptable.

But there is no need whatsoever to follow a woman, interrupt her etc just so you can strike a conversation with her. Particularly if you're not prepared to bow out with grace when she makes it clear she's not interested.

@Yeahnahmum

Not everything is men's fault. Not everything should be changed by men. You could have just ignored the dude. But id find it rude for one that he was trying to ask you something and you just pointedout your earphones. What if he was actually sincere and looking for something.

Who cares if he was sincere and looking for something? He could have asked someone else on the street, instead of flowing and repeatedly pestering someone. I manage to ask directions without chasing people along the street reieatedly pestering them!

It's rather different talking to someone in a social situation and being harassed by a total stranger following you along a street! If you can't tell the difference, maybe do some work on your personal boundaries!

Have you all seen the new advert here in Ireland against sexual harassment?

Yanbu in this instance, men shouldn't be approaching random women in the street to hit on them. Especially if made clear they are not interested in the conversation (as you did)

But I think genuinely asking for help, directions etc, I don't see why they should be taught not to approach women in those instances. Again, if made clear they are not interested in helping, fine, but in general it is sad we can't all help eachother out from time to time. I know I have asked for directions many times and always been very grateful of the help given!

[quote magicstar1]Have you all seen the new advert here in Ireland against sexual harassment?

[/quote] God that's grim. I honestly don't know what I would do if that happened to me.

I'm glad they are putting these adverts out there. I wish we had a campaign like 5his running.

@Fatladyslim

Yanbu in this instance, men shouldn't be approaching random women in the street to hit on them. Especially if made clear they are not interested in the conversation (as you did)

But I think genuinely asking for help, directions etc, I don't see why they should be taught not to approach women in those instances. Again, if made clear they are not interested in helping, fine, but in general it is sad we can't all help eachother out from time to time. I know I have asked for directions many times and always been very grateful of the help given!

In all fairness there are never threads going like:

Today was horrible. A man asked me for directions. I gave them to him. He said thank you and walked away. How dare he?

Or if there are I missed them.

I'm in the YABU camp.
Another thread to hide, then.

@AccidentallyOnSanta sorry it wouldn't let me quote you 🙄

No I completely agree, I was basing my answer on the ops title which says *
To think males should be taught not to approach random women in the street?* an no, I don't think they should. They should be taught not to hit on random women not just approach them in general!

[quote Fatladyslim]@AccidentallyOnSanta sorry it wouldn't let me quote you 🙄

No I completely agree, I was basing my answer on the ops title which says *
To think males should be taught not to approach random women in the street?* an no, I don't think they should. They should be taught not to hit on random women not just approach them in general![/quote]
It's fine, that's because you can't quote a post that already has a quote.

The thing is OP's title might be pretty generalising, but the story is specifically about being approached for "picking up" reasons. Then she ends with boys/men being taught to stop this "shit".

Which I completely agree with. I think I was slightly extreme at some point in my arguments, but I actually have no issues with someone asking for help(man or woman). However I have no patience,time or interest for wolf whistling,shouted comments,pick up lines etc. especially when met with further insistence or abuse when I make it clear I'm not interested.

Would OP even have a thread if all the man wanted was the time or directions?

You're tarnishing all men due to one idiot. I've never had that happen to me. And no I won't explicitly teach my sons not to, that would be strange. And I wouldn't daughters either. I WILL teach them personal boundaries and respect though.

Its the pestering, not the approaching, which is the problem.

Fine to say ‘hello’, ‘excuse me’ or start up a conversation. Not fine to insist that a person who is a stranger justify themselves to you and then insult them.

It is streetpull.
I am over 40 and I get it, often by men who have tried it before, probably because they think that any woman out unescorted is easy.
These men are not necessarily single.

@KirstenBlest

It is streetpull. I am over 40 and I get it, often by men who have tried it before, probably because they think that any woman out unescorted is easy. These men are not necessarily single.

Definitely not.

One bloke honked his horn and shouted out the window. I completely ignored it then he parked his car in my path and got out. Bla bla bla rubbish pick up lines.
"Sorry not interested,plus I have a boyfriend."
"That's ok, I have a girlfriend too. We can meet in the day while she's at work!"

WHAT.THE.FUCK?

YANBU.
I was followed in a public library by a man and when I sat down on a chair, he sat down on the floor and looked up my skirt
When I told the staff they said they couldn't do anything.
When I went clubbing years ago, I learnt that you can have men kicked out for following you.

@Fatladyslim

Yanbu in this instance, men shouldn't be approaching random women in the street to hit on them. Especially if made clear they are not interested in the conversation (as you did)

But I think genuinely asking for help, directions etc, I don't see why they should be taught not to approach women in those instances. Again, if made clear they are not interested in helping, fine, but in general it is sad we can't all help eachother out from time to time. I know I have asked for directions many times and always been very grateful of the help given!

Totally agree with this.

There is a man who lives on my street that regularly harasses me. He follows me when I go running, follows me when I drive anywhere, parks outside my house, has befriended my immediate neighbours - probably to sit in their house and watch me coming and going. Another group of workmen working on a house across the road, who make comments when I walk back from the school run. These are the ones that cause me to be most frightened, because they know where I live, and obviously that I'm single because they watch me. That is what makes me a sitting victim, easy prey. I'm sick of always having to be alert to my surroundings at all times

@AccidentallyOnSanta, once I went for a drink with a man who had approached me in a high street shop.

He was british, middle class, not unattractive, late 30s.
He was from a town about 40 miles away and had driven to my town with the intention of pulling.

So easy - chat up a random woman by the beauty counter, buy her a drink, invite himself back to her's for a leg-over.

I didn't invite him and he turned nasty.

@ginandwineandbaileys the man on your street repeatedly following you around sounds pretty extreme. I think that's something you should report to the police tbh. His behaviour could escalate.