To think males should be taught not to approach random women in the street?

[Merrybloodychristmas]

Or do you think it's a harmless annoyance?

I've just been walking back from my local shops, wearing headphones, and became a were of a random bloke walking next to me talking to me. I pointed to the headphones and kept walking as if to say "can't hear you, sorry"

He continues walking next to me and gives me the "one minute" gesture so I took off my headphones and asked what the matter was.

He asked where a certain station is and I said I didn't know, sorry.

He then says "ah that's cool, I live there anyway I just wanted an excuse to talk to you"

I'm a nervous person by nature when dealing with unfamiliar men as I've had a handful of bad experiences so I felt really uncomfortable by this point. I told him I'm not going to stop and talk because I have a partner at home and I'm busy.

He then gives me a bit of attitude and says "so what you saying, you can't even talk to somebody"

I walked on but spent the next 5 minutes looking over my shoulder just incase he decided to follow me.

Shouldn't men (when boys) be taught not to do this shit?

You can't tar all men with the same brush though. Most men are decent and know how to behave!

MrsGrindah yeh daily, I don’t think that’s unusual; I was slim and in my 20s and lived in a pretty rough part of south east London, couldn’t even walk down the high street without being stopped and that’s not me trying to sound big headed, I use to walk the long way to avoid the high street as it was so constant and irritating. I’m now fat and in my 30s so doesn’t happen anymore!

Nope @Boatonthehorizon.

But men don't have any issue making friends wo accosting random men and being a nuisance. Nor do they need an app.

In the same way, if they want to have sex, they don’t need to go and accost random women and be a nuisance. Nor do they need an app.

Being decent human beings, able to know they are a pain/unwanted so they back down is more likely to get them the result they want.
Being a prat means they will be rejected.
Of course there is also the possibility they simply get their kicks from making women uncomfortable....

People should not need to be taught how not to be assholes..

It is pretty obvious to anyone with half a brain that randomly interrupting a woman who is a complete stranger and who is going about her business in the middle of a pandemic with a crappy chat up line is going to go down like a lead balloon...

@Boatonthehorizon

Imo its less than a minor annoyance. Its basic biology. Do you really all only want all human interaction to be through the heavily monetised billion pound online dating industry? Is human interaction to be outlawed? Or only allowed female on female? Great step for feminism (not) and not unlike the 16th century.

Funnily enough I get plenty of human interaction,made friends, got a partner without paying multi billion dollar industries or harassing/annoying/accosting random strangers that are otherwise engaged.

Must be my magic biological vagina. Poor blokes don't stand a chance.

Like @IMNOTSHOUTINGI don't think men should be told not to approach women, but they should be taught to back off straight away if it's clear the woman doesn't want to talk to you.

Sometimes people do need directions etc, and I don't think it's healthy to set up a dynamic where we say women you don't know should never be approached.

@Echobelly

Like *@IMNOTSHOUTINGI* don't think men should be told not to approach women, but they should be taught to back off straight away if it's clear the woman doesn't want to talk to you.

Sometimes people do need directions etc, and I don't think it's healthy to set up a dynamic where we say women you don't know should never be approached.

Why not? I'm not being snarky, but what disadvantage would there be to men/women/society as a whole if men stopped approaching women they don't know (particularly if they're otherwise engaged and no signal that they're interested in having a conversation)?

That’s completely weird and not ok. You didn’t want to talk to him.
Unfortunately, I found New York so much worse than London on this front. Frankly, I had one random guy approach me by commenting on my shoes in London and that was mainly it in my 13 years of living here.
I was on a business trip to NY last year and in 3 days being there had 3 different instances of men approaching me/asking me out! Once it was at 7:30 am in front of a hotel while waiting for my friend to have breakfast. The guy was walking and came right to my face asking me to come with him for a coffee!!! WTF. I certainly wasn’t giving any signals to him. Just weird.

The thing the men don’t seem to realise or understand is that the woman may have had many negative experiences with men who they don’t know, from mild to serious. A recent example, yesterday a guy said ‘ciao’ to me abs my kids in the street. We said ‘ciao’ back to be polite and continued waking in the opposite direction. He then followed us, shouting ciao from half a street away. This was then very worrying.

I think we should teach boys and men about the position many women are in, and why what they see as innocent, doesn’t always feel that way to the woman.

Sometimes people do need directions etc, and I don't think it's healthy to set up a dynamic where we say women you don't know should never be approached.

It's a certain type of approach. Not saying men should never speak to women.

I don't mind someone passing the time of day in a train carriage, saying 'morning', or paying a respectful compliment.

It's the catcalling, following, 'what's your name? can I have your number? we can just be friends', commenting on body parts, waiting in cars for you to pass, waiting outside shops, type of approach. It's persistence.

The key lesson for boys would be that in any circumstance, 'no' means 'no'. Both in sexual situations and when wanting a girl's time or attention. I think a lot just don't realise that it is quite creepy, a man calling at you from over the road. Teach them courtesy young.

Why are some people saying it's normal to get human interaction by approaching randoms in the street who are obviously preoccupied??

YANBU OP. The man was a twat and you did nothing wrong.

Nice to be friendly, but people (especially men) need to appreciate that not everyone wants to talk back. I've been approached when out with girlfriends and was very polite in saying I was with my friends and not interested and instead of a polite "bye then" I got told I was an ugly stuck up bitch. It is intimidating when someone can change so abruptly and it definitely makes your guard go up quickly for future interactions.

How old are you OP?

Why not? I'm not being snarky, but what disadvantage would there be to men/women/society as a whole if men stopped approaching women they don't know (particularly if they're otherwise engaged and no signal that they're interested in having a conversation)?

I'd say it's a disadvantage to society in general if you need help/assistance and can't approach a stranger (male or female).

In the OP's scenario, the guy was a dick and I'm all for teaching men to take the hint and read others more effectively.

However, it's a sad day when you can't approach a stranger for help/assistance.

Or are you suggesting that it'd be ok for women to approach another woman or man but not for a man to approach a woman?

Well said @whiterabbitsweets.
Also it is very protectionist / putting wonen on a pedestal / not allowing them out / not allowing them to interact with men, or men with them. Very wilting flower. I don't like the route it all seems to be going down, at all.

I've been followed and then approached by so many men in so many different countries. I've tried ignoring, I've tried politely asking them to go away. Now, I go directly to screaming FUCK OFF in their faces and it works so much better. They always look so shocked/hurt, as if I was going to be comfortable be trailed for ten minutes and then abruptly approached from behind.

One guy in Italy followed me almost all the way home before I eventually turned around and made to attack him with my umbrella.

I don't understand why they don't get that my first thought is I'm about to be raped.

Totally agree.

As if you want to chat with some dude on the way home. Earphones always = fuck off

We do realise the bloke in the OP was FAKING asking for directions, in order to hassle a woman? That point was explained clearly in the op. He was lying about that bit.

@whiterabbitsweets

Why not? I'm not being snarky, but what disadvantage would there be to men/women/society as a whole if men stopped approaching women they don't know (particularly if they're otherwise engaged and no signal that they're interested in having a conversation)?

I'd say it's a disadvantage to society in general if you need help/assistance and can't approach a stranger (male or female).

In the OP's scenario, the guy was a dick and I'm all for teaching men to take the hint and read others more effectively.

However, it's a sad day when you can't approach a stranger for help/assistance.

Or are you suggesting that it'd be ok for women to approach another woman or man but not for a man to approach a woman?

No, it’s a sad day when a man pretends to need directions just so he can approach a woman who very obviously had earphones in and didn’t want to talk.

Unless you think that he was genuinely looking for directions and there wasn’t a single other person around who didn’t have earphones in that he could have approached?

@OhCaptain

I'm not saying that at all. If you follow the quotes, I was responding to the suggestion that men should never approach strangers for any reason.

I think you've missed the quotes above and are asking me a question when I'm already in agreement with what you're saying.

I've never, ever had an issue getting into relationships with women from metting them at social events, pubs, online or at work. Havnt had to follow them down the fucking street funnily enough. And who the frig is suggesting we ban all interactions on the street? is this another excuse for the sort of people who have never read an Orwell book to quote some Orwell?

My Old Nan had a saying

"We need to stop teaching girls to be afraid and start teaching boys to be respectful"

My old Nan was always right about these things

YANBU. Even my 14 year old knows it's not acceptable to walk behind females, or pester. He knows it's harassment. He has been taught that once a woman says no, that is the end, and any more approaching beyond that is unacceptable. I've spoken to him about men harassing me, and how it feels.

His secondary school had a non uniform day, and the HT sent out an email to parents requesting that girls not wear "revealing clothes." No explanation as to what this means. But it reflects a mindset, that female bodies are distracting, and it is the responsibility of females to not distract males.

It wouldn’t matter to the sort of man that thinks they’re entitled to harass any woman they feel like approaching. You don’t need to be “nice” at all when you feel vulnerable or unsure of the other person. He sounds like a dick who thinks he’s got game... just another fuckwit really.

Not everything is men's fault. Not everything should be changed by men. You could have just ignored the dude. But id find it rude for one that he was trying to ask you something and you just pointedout your earphones. What if he was actually sincere and looking for something.