To think males should be taught not to approach random women in the street?

[Merrybloodychristmas]

Or do you think it's a harmless annoyance?

I've just been walking back from my local shops, wearing headphones, and became a were of a random bloke walking next to me talking to me. I pointed to the headphones and kept walking as if to say "can't hear you, sorry"

He continues walking next to me and gives me the "one minute" gesture so I took off my headphones and asked what the matter was.

He asked where a certain station is and I said I didn't know, sorry.

He then says "ah that's cool, I live there anyway I just wanted an excuse to talk to you"

I'm a nervous person by nature when dealing with unfamiliar men as I've had a handful of bad experiences so I felt really uncomfortable by this point. I told him I'm not going to stop and talk because I have a partner at home and I'm busy.

He then gives me a bit of attitude and says "so what you saying, you can't even talk to somebody"

I walked on but spent the next 5 minutes looking over my shoulder just incase he decided to follow me.

Shouldn't men (when boys) be taught not to do this shit?

Cchick I dont get that its OK to go up to a random woman in the street, approach her when she is wearing headphones, and clearly not interested! WTF? Apart from that she is probably attached or possibly gay just not on! If you want a GF just go on bloody tinder! Really out of order IMO!

Urgh I hate this.

So presumptuous.

I don’t buy this thing about not being able to read social cues. If someone is walking away from you and doesn’t remove their headphones it doesn’t take a high IQ to figure out they don’t want to go there.

Read the signs, arseholes.

I think people should be taught to respect others boundaries. I think the initial part of the interaction, where he asked for directions, sounded fine. What came later, when he continued even when clear you didn’t want to engage was the bit that was off.

Really I thought this was normal? Use to happen to me daily men approaching me asking for my number etc, if I wasn’t interested I just said so, this is how a lot of people met before OLD took over. I don’t get approached at all now that I have kids 😅

@Givemeabreak88 Daily? Really?

Most of us men do know this is not okay, OP. This guy was a massive cunt and was probably getting off on your discomfort. I'm really sorry it's happened to you.

@AIMD

I think people should be taught to respect others boundaries. I think the initial part of the interaction, where he asked for directions, sounded fine. What came later, when he continued even when clear you didn’t want to engage was the bit that was off.

It wasn't fine because he didn't really need directions, it was just a "hook". Even if he did need directions he could approach someone that is not visibly occupied/distracted/engaged. We don't owe anyone, particularly chancers our time or our attention.

This guy sounds a bit odd, you sound standoffish from the start. Nothing wrong with ma or a women approaching a man or a women. But obviouskly we should be tought when it is appropriate and how to read body language.

OP I would have felt very uncomfortable by this too and would have quickened my step to get to my destination. I would automatically think of my own safety. It was obvious you had headphones on and that to me is a que that you do not want to engage in conversation.

Huge apologies wrote without thinking, was on a different train of thought.

Yabu abit.
It’s far better to teach everyone to be assertive and respect that no is no,
Teaching not to approach implies it’s wrong to socialise in this way, some people might not be hitting someone else and others actually might not mind the scene You set.
Before all dating became tech based (shows age) your experience was way more common. Everyone I knew, boys included, either engaged in conversation or said push off. No harm done.

Don’t worry OP.
Once you get past 40, you will become invisible.
It’s a bore when you’re young but the attention will pass.

YANBU. It’s sexual harassment and I don’t know why it’s not illegal. It’s intimidating and disrespectful and says everything about how men in our society feel entitled to women’s time and attention.

Hope you’re ok, OP. I always feel shaken after these incidents.

@2bazookas

Nervous women should teach themselves not to wear headphones in the street. Stay fully alert to everything around you.

WHY are you victim blaming?

YANBU OP. I detest it.

I was walking up a long, busy street once and a white van man shouted something gross at me as he went past. Muttered "fuck off" under my breath.

This ended up with him getting out of the can and screaming that he was going to stab me. Had to take shelter in a nearby Tesco where the lovely security guard phoned the police.

It was 10 years ago but had left me really shaken and wary since.

Van*

It’s about whether the person is likely to be scared and think your motive is to attack them. I think the key thing is not to approach ANYONE in an isolated situation. If it’s dark, don’t approach. If they’re alone and there’s nobody else around, don’t approach. If it’s busy and there’s lots of people around, then you can consider politely approaching as long as you back off if they don’t respond.

Agree, you weren’t giving any signals that you’d want to be approached. He shouldn’t have approached at all, but especially not pursued it!!

I think if someone says no then end of. But if people don’t approach others then people won’t have met partners or made friends with people in their lives.

@DonkeyMcFluff

It’s about whether the person is likely to be scared and think your motive is to attack them. I think the key thing is not to approach ANYONE in an isolated situation. If it’s dark, don’t approach. If they’re alone and there’s nobody else around, don’t approach. If it’s busy and there’s lots of people around, then you can consider politely approaching as long as you back off if they don’t respond.

Why does the bar have to be "fear"? How about just inconvenience,annoyance,being interrupted, being pissed off? Very few men think women might be scared of them regardless of the circumstances. They're not "that kind of guy".

A lot of men think they have the right of a woman's time and attention.

YANBU Aand in fact men should be taught its not OK to pester or harass women into showing them interest.

I've had something similar happen to me but since lockdown, I've been plagued by men doing the equivalent on FB. How many ignored messages do they think it's OK to send? Do they seriously think that annoying someone so much that you tell them to stop messaging you will somehow cause you to be ivtetested in them? That women actually like men who are don't care about pestering you?

I've also had a man follow me along the street, right beside me, but without saying anything, so presumably I would break durst and talk to him. I actually went into Miss Selfridge! And on a plane once, the oaf next to me persisted in trying to talk to me, even though I ignored him, pretended to be asleep, read a book and out a pair of headphones on! He got really aggressive when he realised I wasn't interested and actually climbed over me at the end of the flight to get out first (the obvious implication being that there was something wrong with me).

Imo its less than a minor annoyance. Its basic biology.
Do you really all only want all human interaction to be through the heavily monetised billion pound online dating industry?
Is human interaction to be outlawed?
Or only allowed female on female?
Great step for feminism (not) and not unlike the 16th century.