To think males should be taught not to approach random women in the street?

[Merrybloodychristmas]

Or do you think it's a harmless annoyance?

I've just been walking back from my local shops, wearing headphones, and became a were of a random bloke walking next to me talking to me. I pointed to the headphones and kept walking as if to say "can't hear you, sorry"

He continues walking next to me and gives me the "one minute" gesture so I took off my headphones and asked what the matter was.

He asked where a certain station is and I said I didn't know, sorry.

He then says "ah that's cool, I live there anyway I just wanted an excuse to talk to you"

I'm a nervous person by nature when dealing with unfamiliar men as I've had a handful of bad experiences so I felt really uncomfortable by this point. I told him I'm not going to stop and talk because I have a partner at home and I'm busy.

He then gives me a bit of attitude and says "so what you saying, you can't even talk to somebody"

I walked on but spent the next 5 minutes looking over my shoulder just incase he decided to follow me.

Shouldn't men (when boys) be taught not to do this shit?

@2bazookas

Nervous women should teach themselves not to wear headphones in the street. Stay fully alert to everything around you.

Ah, the inevitable victim blaming.

Generally whatever the circumstances, and whether male or female, if someone has headphones on and doesn't want to speak to you, you leave them alone.

The idea that he deliberately insisted on speaking to you is really creepy though and ten times worse than if a woman had done it.

I agree it's not sensible to wear headphones because you can't hear traffic (I actually went as far as to unsubscribe from a womens' running magazine because they were constantly going on about running playlists and I thought it irresponsible), but on the other hand if you want to tune people out, how else do you do it?

How else would people meet/date if men are not allowed to approach someone they like the look of? It would be solely online dating then

It's creepy to follow someone down the road who's wearing headphones, obviously doesn't want to engage and to decide that you are more important. If you want a girlfriend you meet them in pubs/bars/workplaces/doing hobbies etc (in normal times - at the moment I guess online is the only way, or you just wait).

YANBU. Your personal space and time is just that - yours. I would have HATED this.

@FTMF30

I think there's nothing wrong with an initial approach. But you seem to have made it clear you didn't want to speak yet, he pretry much pestered you anyway. I think that's the problem.

Really?

I think there’s everything wrong with walking alongside someone who clearly doesn’t want to talk until you’ve badgered her into stopping.

I’m not blaming you at all OP and yes men should be aware of how intimidating behaviour like this is , but I do worry about people’s personal safety when wearing earphones. Shutting out the world around you may feel safe but it blinkers you so much. Especially in winter when the light isn’t good.
But that’s a side issue,. He was way out of line , but it’s not a “ men” issue. Not all men are like that.

Actually they're taught to do this: to approach a woman with headphones on. I'll try to find it. It was hilariously crass - but not funny to be on the reciving end.

There ya go

www.theguardian.com/science/brain-flapping/2016/aug/30/how-to-actually-talk-to-a-woman-wearing-headphones#:~:text=Wave%20your%20hand%20in%20her,head%2C%20so%20she%20fully%20understands.

Or google 'how to approach a woman with headphones', if that link doesn't work.

Yes! That supercilious twat who makes money telling men how to perfectly ignore every boundary a woman might put up to deflect him.

As for being approached in the street, headphones or not... Why? That's guaranteed to be intruding upon someone's day! Pick ups are supposed to be mutual, not some random street walking event!

Pick ups are supposed to be mutual, not some random street walking event!

Take it you’ve never seen a rom com then!

Ah, the inevitable victim blaming

I think 2bazookas post came from a place of personal safety rather than victim blaming. Wearing earphones can mean you are less likely to notice threats around you. That's not the same thing as saying it's your fault if something happens to you when wearing earphones - just that, in the real world we live in, which is a dangerous one, you can maximise your safety by remaining as alert as possible.

@cologne4711

How else would people meet/date if men are not allowed to approach someone they like the look of? It would be solely online dating then

It's creepy to follow someone down the road who's wearing headphones, obviously doesn't want to engage and to decide that you are more important. If you want a girlfriend you meet them in pubs/bars/workplaces/doing hobbies etc (in normal times - at the moment I guess online is the only way, or you just wait).

This x 1000.

Men trying the innocent-lamb 'We don't know about all this stuff, bless us' is utter bollocks. They do know. They've been told. Repeatedly. For generations.

Decent men wouldn't dream of approaching women in the circumstances described on this thread.

I wish they were taught this. I was approached on a train - I was wearing earphones and the guy was very insistent, waved his hand almost in my face; & belligerent when I wasn't interested in a conversation with him 'So can't you have a man as a friend, are you uptight?'🙄. Thinking back it's happened many times over the years and no doubt it's been the same for many of us. They don't care that you could find them frightening. I am not small and I'm not timid. It still un-nerves me though because getting into an argument with a man isn't sensible.

Patriarchy and entitlement gets on my nerves and I choose to have as little to do with it as possible. Not that it's always possible.

@OhCaptain I said I don't think anything is wrong with an initial approach, I didn't say badgering soneone into talking to them is ok.

I think it’s more about nit approaching women for no reason or just to chat etc... that they should be taught. Just like they wouldn’t approach a random man with no reason.

What that guy did was creepy and rude.

@nosswith

Not the only thing they should be taught. Use of condoms is an issue with some young men refusing to consider them.

Not only young men. I've had this nonsense with men in their 40s and 50s.

[quote FTMF30]@OhCaptain I said I don't think anything is wrong with an initial approach, I didn't say badgering soneone into talking to them is ok.[/quote]
The initial approach was badgering.

I wear my earphones all the time in the street, no sound coming into them at all but the public dont know that. It is a sign that I do not want to engage at all, so leave me in peace or meet my wrath.

@ohcaptain I was answering OP's title question in general and then went on to speak about her specific situation, which I don't think is ok.

I've had it with all ages too. If you act aloof you can be open to a torrent of abuse/aggression. I've had it worse with older men actually.
The last time I was alone in a cafe when a man came to sit on my table. I wasn't rude, I said nothing, just carried on reading my book. He said what, you're very rude, stuck up bitch, why won't you talk to me..the entire cafe was empty but he chose my table! I tried to escape by going to the loos and he yelled 'frigid bitch' at me. I was in a strange town trying to kill time and it was really unpleasant as I then went out into the pouring rain to escape him
I've had similar many many times since my teens and I'm now 49 and still get it

Yep, don't know why they do it. Welldone for not "giving in" and talking to him.

I have no qualms in telling men to piss off when they approach me, even if they are "just being friendly" - I don't want to talk to you and don't have to talk to you, so leave me alone

It annoys me so much because they are so bloody entitled arent they! FFS he lives there but "just chances his arm "on a random woman walking along with headphones in! Surely this is out of order!

He was wrong to do this to try and chat you up and so he is in the wrong on this one.
However, if you have headphones in and see someone trying to talk to you, surely take them out to hear what they're saying?

I remember trying to tell a woman walking along at a train station that her suitcase was open and that stuff was falling out of it, to which she just shrugged and pointed at their headphones. I ended up going back to pick up her stuff and just handing it to her. Not once did she take them off, just glared at me as if it was somehow my fault that her underwear was scattered across platform 11.
Plus, while I have been approached as you were and agree that men should be able to take a hint that you don't want a chat, I've also been stopped for "Excuse me, did you drop this?" and "Do you have the time?" type situations so would always take headphones out first time just in case.

This does not sound very pleasant for you.

But just a thought, if I were genuinely asking for directions, I might ask a kind looking person.

I don't think I'd ask anyone using headphones though.