to not know how to respond

[strawberrypip]

hello,

I recently got in touch with my biological father again. We spoke on the phone.

Quick background - him and my mum were in their early 20s, not in a relationship and didn't know each other fantastically well but knew of the other through their friends. I was conceived on one night they spent together. He decided he wanted no involvement as he was in his words "having the time of his life" and "did not want to bring up a baby with someone he didn't really know".

He also said by the time he found out (my mum was about 5 months gone) there was nothing he could do anyway. I'm assuming he meant abortion/adoption conversations etc. and he said that what was he supposed to do, he had no way of knowing that could of happened. I said well, to be fair, you and my mum must of known when you were having unprotected sex that it was a possibility and he replied saying well millions of people do that so that's not really a good point strawberrypip.

The guy now wants to try and build a relationship with me and my daughter but I feel like he's not acknowledged anything? I'm also a bit gobsmacked by the millions of people do it so he doesn't really have anything to feel bad about comment...

I don't really know what to say

no get said I hope you have a good xmas in the conversation we had at the beginning of the week. expected nothing less tbh

Sorry but if he cared he would have sent a text. I’d do nothing and see if he makes contact again. I wouldn’t initiate it.

I would tell him exactly how you felt growing up and that you feel he made no effort at all and see how he reacts. It’s your decision if you want a relationship with him

My friend was conceived and raised in very similar circumstances, although she's 25 years older than you, so being an unmarried mother back then (especially in the area we live) was very shameful. Her dad provided no financial support whatsoever.

She eventually got in touch with him when she was 17. Even with the benefit of hindsight, he also couldn't see that leaving a 19yo woman to raise his child without any financial or practical assistance was morally abhorrent. It was just one of those things as far as he was concerned.

He's been in and out of her life since but all he's done is cause he more grief and stress. In your situation, I think you should be pleased you've got in touch with him, acknowledge to yourself that he's still the same arsehole he always was and tell him you don't want a relationship with him.

@PrincessNutNutRoast

You owe him the square root of fuck all, so don't consider any obligations to him in your decision. Do whatever is best for YOU.

Love this!

OP,
Your grandfather has the measure of him.

He is a selfish waster whom I suspect will never be a source of love and support for you.
Protect yourself.

I also suspect your mother was actually lucky that she also didn't have the additional weight of him in her life as she raised you.

He's a self absorbed twat.