Sounds like you have both greatly underestimated your issues with alcohol.
That needs to be addressed ASAP.
Yes he was absolutely wrong to bring it home and present it to you as he did, he's way out of line there imo, is there any left? If so as pps say give to others or whatever and get it out the house.
You both need a serious discussion on how you'll manage your issues with alcohol in the future and frankly I think you need to seek proper experienced support because you won't be able to just not be around alcohol or wine for the rest of your life.
I have several alcoholics in my family and none of those in recovery were able to do so alone. The ones who aren't sober have tried to do it themselves numerous times.
I'm not an alcoholic as beer/spirits etc are in the house and I wouldn't drink them
That's not how it works. Sorry, but it's about your relationship with alcohol (whatever your preferred version is) and your ability/inability to control your consumption of it.
You can't not drink wine if it's present - I would say that makes you an alcoholic. Certainly a problem drinker but then I'm of the opinion that the various degrees/euphemisms used to describe dysfunctional drinking now merely deny the reality.
Ime the people I know who've actually been able to achieve long term sobriety make no bones about the fact they are and always will be alcoholics. They have used different methods of support all of them but that's one of the constants.
I'm not addicted, in as far as I don't have side effects if I don't drink nor do I go out and buy it, I have no problem walking past the wine aisle even after a stressful day, I just wouldn't buy it
The ones in my family the lack of "side effects" is I believe a major reason why they ended up succumbing - because "side effects" are a pretty good reminder it's not good for you/a deterrent. It's not just about having built up a tolerance either I genuinely believe it's genetic and may be a factor in why alcoholism appears to be genetic though I'm not aware of any studies. I barely drink (very wary because I have other personality traits in common with alcoholic relatives - a need to control, anxiety, very hard on myself re achievements/how I think people see me, self destructive tendencies) and have been teetotal at times because I have mh issues and I don't want to go down the path of "self medicating". So I've never drunk enough on a regular basis to build a tolerance, I've NEVER had a hangover, even on occasions when I have been more than "tipsy" eg 21st birthday, hen night. Alcohol doesn't make me feel physically bad in any way, I only have an academic understanding of what a hangovers like. My ex suffered terribly from them even if he'd not had much to drink. We used to have discussions with him trying to explain how it felt. On the rare occasions I have been drunk I was still fully aware of everything and I'm up the next day as usual feeling absolutely fine. If anything I feel better than usual because it's a very effective relaxant for me in terms of anxiety and insomnia. I had my drink spiked once on a night out and noticed straight away as I was completely out of it! Luckily the friend I was with that night also knew me well and knew alcohol didn't affect me like that and it was only my 2nd drink of the night. She got me home safely and I did feel extremely rough the next day but mainly my mood was affected. It transpired some twat apparently thought it would be "funny" to spike a load of people at that bar and watch the fallout, caught on cctv.
The alcoholics in my family have never suffered DT's, feeling physically rough from not drinking etc either.
Lots of rationalising and justification and denial op. I for one have heard it all before many times as I'm sure other pps with alcoholic loved ones have.
That needs to stop if you're to be successful in truly achieving and maintaining sobriety.
but I think the OP is in denial about using the "a" word with regard to her relationship with alcohol
I totally agree.
There are certain famous alcoholics who have made public similar comments about their drinking and even once sober have said it in biographies etc that they kidded themselves they weren't alcoholics because they "only" drank wine or champagne or expensive scotch etc, only drank evenings/weekends and therefore weren't a stereotypical "drunk" drinking meths out of a bottle in a brown paper bag on a park bench!
The finer details are irrelevant, the fact is you cannot control your consumption of alcohol.
I fully expect you and perhaps others to rage at me here, but I hope it plants the seed that leads to you getting the help you need and not becoming someone who rots their body and destroys their personal life due to alcohol.
I've seen that too much and it's heartbreaking I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy!
I'm not being obtuse but what would professional help do
I think for starters they would help you find the root cause of the issue (I say for starters that could take some time), they help you find what motivates and empowers you to stop drinking, how to address triggers, impulse control etc and eventually create a plan to prevent relapsing.
AA are one support option, there are many others different ones work for different folk. The people I know have variously had their support via AA and other similar charities, nhs, private healthcare, religion based sobriety groups... there is help available but you have to genuinely want to deal with it, and cliché as it is that starts with admitting the reality.
Wine really doesn’t get a free pass just because it’s the preserve of middle class Mums
Exactly
@ApplesinmyPocket I couldn't disagree more, based on my own experience and that of the addicts in my family fudging around the issue isn't helpful. When they've had to have new therapists and support workers due to previous ones moving on, retiring etc they've come across therapists that take the approach you suggest and say it isn't actually helpful and they think that people newly trying to achieve sobriety would be ill served by such an approach as it simply enables continuing denial of what's actually going on.
@NotOfThisWorld Your post is I think more accurate