In thinking that if women went on strike, there'd be no Christmas?

[HotelliFinlandia]

All around me I see women busting a gut to organise the gifts, the food, get the food shopping/order food shopping and while there are some men around me who will help out, not a single one (in heterosexual relationships at least) is in charge of organising Christmas. They may contribute, but if their partner just downed tools, Christmas would either not happen or be dramatically smaller.

They're happy to receive gifts and eat the meal though.

But I wonder if this is just the people around me?

Are there women out there with male partners who basically do all of Christmas and they just need to get a couple of gifts and turn up?

I have bought and planned all the DC presents. I made sure all the Christmas cards to distribute at school were written well in advance. I book the meeting Father Christmas event months in advance. I make sure we have a collection of Christmas books and that sort of thing, I bought the stockings and the advent calendar. I like the build up and the excitement.

DH plans the food and cooks the food 100%. We wouldn’t be able to have a massive tree if not for him because he carries it and saws off the end and all of that, I’d have no idea how to do it.

We do our own presents (though joint money) to our side of the family. I don’t get involved whatsoever in his side, although we get on fine.

I think we each play to our own talents. I like making lists months in advance and booking things and that sort of thing. He’s better at cooking and day to day household things.

My mum did all the cooking, childcare and mental load while they were both working. My dad organised both holidays each year. She worked part-time caring jobs and my dad was a full time engineer and hours were at times long, sometimes he would be in work days and my mum would even take plates of food to him.

When they retired my dad took over all the cooking. My mum cannot be trusted anymore. She has no sense of smell and forgets to turn the gas off. So my dad now does all of christmas, including decorating, shopping and cooking.

My mum doesn't find joy in it anymore, when previously christmas prep wasnt a chore for her, it was something she enjoyed.

And i think finding the joy is key. If you want a beautifully decorated for christmas house, with constant snack and food and loads of gifts, but your partner doesnt, do the bits that bring you joy so it isnt a chore. He does the bits he likes. If you're doing things at Christmas you find a chore just because it is expected, just stop doing them.

I am currently sitting at my work desk knowing DP has wrapped all presents, done the food shop, is doing activities with kids to keep them from bothering me. And will be prepping tomorrow to cook on Christmas day. So yes YABU

Oh and he wrote and posted all cards including my family

This is really interesting. In our house I do all of Christmas except presents for his family. I don't mind though because I go out to work and DH is a SAHD. He does literally everything all year round: shopping, dinner, house, homework, drs appointments, school pta etc. So I like that this is the one time when I can do something around the house for the family. I really enjoy it because I don't feel in anyway imposed upon or like I am the default. I imagine that makes a huge difference.

In a lot of these situations, what would actually happen is that Christmas would be half-arsed compared to normal - but it would still be acceptable, just not Perfect.

Maybe some people will get presents a few days late. Maybe cards won't happen and you'll send out messages/emails instead. Maybe some of the food will be ready-made. Maybe the tinsel will be slung over a bookcase rather than having Instagrammable festive decorations. Maybe none of that will actually matter when it comes to how people enjoy the day and each other's company.

If it matters to both you and your partner, divide it equally. If it matters to you alone and no one else in the household cares, feel free to have at it - but don't complain that they're not helping.

I don't care about decorations in the slightest - if DP wasn't here the house would remain undecorated and at any given point in time I'd rather remain sat down. So he's done it.

On the other hand we both care about eating well, and he's the cook, so I scour our recipes to make a thorough shopping list and trek out to get all the ingredients we need. I don't consider that "busting a gut" because it's something I am invested in.

I think we share it pretty equally but my partner leaves everything to the last min, so things that need posting to his side of the family arrive barely in time while I've got my bits sent well in advance.

He did the tree, I made some decorations with our son. I did the online shop but he is going out for the bits we still need. We used to cook together before having out Son but now he cooks the sides the night before and I do the main roast on the day while he puts together the toys.

I think its pretty equal tbh, our whole relationship is pretty equal though as shown by an online survey we did over the last lockdown. Well aware its not like that for a lot of people.

My DH works right up to the eleventh hour every Christmas, despite me asking him for over twenty years to try and stop on the evening of the 23rd. (He's self employed with a heavy work load but can do so if he arranged it and planned for it.) I'm beginning to think he does it on purpose because he enjoys the last minute rushing about. I definitely don't and like things properly planned. It really pisses me off. Just ONCE I would like the 24th to be a calm day, enjoyable, tweaking preparations and doing food prep and not him dashing in and out in stress mode (not good to be dashing about this year anyway)

Interesting. From my experience, I think we make our own beds to a certain extent. I've been single six years now and add the caveat that my ex-husband is autistic so may not behave like a neurotypical man.

When we were together, I did all the Christmas work and got quite frustrated. But it's since become evident Christmas just isn't important to him.

Since we split he has spent every Christmas quite happily on his own apart from seeing the children on Christmas Eve. He has never asked to have them over Christmas because he 'doesn't do' Christmas and knows they would want to.

Up until this year he would send me money to buy presents from the girls to his side of the family. He
himself get his family presents. This year I told him I didn't have time to do that and to organise them himself. Perhaps unsurprisingly he hasn't got anything. But more surprisingly this year he has gone all out on the girls' presents and spent much more than usual. Normally he just asks for a link and orders what I tell him, negotiating down the price to £30 or so. This year I didn't send a link and he has by himself spent £80 odd on each girl for some pretty good and well thought out presents.

Dh has bought some gifts and has sorted the meat out for the roast.
I’ve bought some gifts and am sorting out all the veg and dessert.
I did the shopping and am cleaning the house today.
We both work though I work part time so I’m off from today. Dh is working til Xmas Eve.

My ex husband used to do everything at Christmas - buy all the presents and cook the meal on Christmas day. We used to decorate together but that was all I had to do, I left everything else entirely to him.

My dh is doing Xmas more than me! I got presents for my family, he for his and he has done all presents bar a few for ds and wrapped them all. He has done all the Xmas shopping and is doing all the Xmas shopping and has done the elf on the shelf most nights, he did ds Xmas list and posted it. We did equal on house decoration and Xmas tree.

Sorry he is doing all the Xmas cooking

My husband's job pays for all the presents. He has to prioritise work and I organise all the presents as I have more time. I will consult him if I feel it is necessary. He takes the kids out while I wrap. He then orders all the food, picks it up and cooks all day Christmas and I clean up. Seems nice share of jobs to me. Christmas wouldn't happen without both of us!

Apart from decorating the house (my OCD goes haywire), everything has been 50/50 so far.

He'll do the bulk of the cooking on Christmas Day because he's better at it than me.

My husband has got all his own shopping done. Wrapped them. Got his family cards and sent them.

We did do the food shop together. But he will be cooking Xmas day. Plus he decorated the tree and house.

If women stopped doing it, men would have to learn pretty quickly. We're our own worst enemies.

Dh is desperate to help, but I'm a control freak and find it really hard to step back. I suspect many women may be similar.

If I went on strike, there'd be no presents. If DH went on strike, there'd be no food, or it would all be ready made.

We don't really do much anyway (its just me and DP) but I love doing the tree so I do that. Don't do many gifts (small family and everyone has everything they want already) so it's just food really. I buy most stuff ready made. Yes I admit, I am extremely lazy. I guess if I had DC I'd have to make more effort.

I just offered to wrap some of DH's presents for him, and he told me no, he likes wrapping

He's available to rent, I'm desperate to get him out of the house.

My husband will cook the dinner, which is no small task, and does lots around the house plus gift wrapping, but I still feel the logistics/making it special/sorting food order etc falls to me. I feel the balance is probably 60/40 to me, because I've definitely done the donkey work, but he'll get the cooking glory on the big day 😂

I will be cooking our 24th Christmas dinner. DW has never cooked one. I love cooking and quite enjoy washing up. DW will put up decorations and wrap presents (I can't wrap presents apparently!). Overall it is a pretty fair split.

Well I am sitting mumsnetting whilst Husband is wrapping stocking presents! We share the wrapping of the kids, I tend to do the shopping for them but big bits are discussed. Food shop is jointly sorted, online and ordered items.

He generally does the cooking, I do the entertaining of any guests we normally have. If no one is here I will help. I lay the table etc.

Decorating team effort.

I never sort his family presents, do the non direct family cards as I do it all in one hit.

Womenn going on strike!

I've seen it happen. 10 years ago my ddad retired. My dmum, went on strike. She said for 30 years, she did all cooking, all cleaning, washing and all of Christmas. So no more.

And she has stuck to it. Doesn't even buy 1 present.

As expected.....it turns out my ddad is not useless at cleaning, cooking and Christmas. He does everything and enjoys every moment. He feels a little guilty he didn't do any of it for 30 years.
He, like some men, thought as he went to work and made most of the money, he didn't need to do "woman's work".
He has quickly learnt its not womans work, its hard, needs to be done and he is actually quite good at it.

(My dmum is loving every minute.....she even has her tea cooked for her, on the table, every night as she comes in from work )

DP does his side of the family although we discuss together. We've done the food shop together and will clean the house together. I do the cooking but he's a very able sous chef and makes sure my glass ia always filled !

I'm more organised though and do a fair bit of reminding but it would definitely all get done albeit in a much more rushed and haphazard way with the odd thing forgotten if I wasn't involved.

Exh was fucking useless though