In thinking that if women went on strike, there'd be no Christmas?

[HotelliFinlandia]

All around me I see women busting a gut to organise the gifts, the food, get the food shopping/order food shopping and while there are some men around me who will help out, not a single one (in heterosexual relationships at least) is in charge of organising Christmas. They may contribute, but if their partner just downed tools, Christmas would either not happen or be dramatically smaller.

They're happy to receive gifts and eat the meal though.

But I wonder if this is just the people around me?

Are there women out there with male partners who basically do all of Christmas and they just need to get a couple of gifts and turn up?

It's self-inflicted. And a lot of it is nonsense.

Mine’s done all the shopping, made all the meals this week. They’re not all useless wankers.

Too true, my DS (19) said to me the other day, it’s a good job you organise Christmas mum, we would get anything if it was left to dad! They do forget that Dad goes to the supermarket & cooks all our meals though.

If I refused, DH would sort it, however he'd be pissed off as I work part time (and not at all in school holidays), and given his job, he's usually very busy in November /early December.

He buys for his family, although will ask me to pick up certain things / collect "click and collect" orders for his side. He has imput into "what shall we get the dcs" conversations.

We only have a Christmas week delivery slot, a trip to see Father Christmas, advent calendars, Christmas bedding, christmas cards, hand made baubles, new outdoor lights replacing last year's broken ones etc because I start the mental planning long time in advance, but he'd do a pretty good Christmas without my input if one year I couldn't/wouldn't.

Women who choose to be Christmas martyrs only have themselves to blame. So much of what they insist on doing is a completely unnecessary waste of time, effort and money. Nobody asked them to do it, nobody wants them to do it, yet they expect gratitude for it.

They are their own worst enemies.

I think I might have a wife.

My DH has done all the food and alcohol shopping thus far. He thought of and bought my dad’s gift and the family secret Santa presents yesterday. Last night he stayed up until 11pm prepping the turkey (apparently he MUST debone and brine it to prevent a dry bird).

It’s nice to read that so many other women have a reasonable split of domestic duties with their partners. Interestingly it is other women who feel the need to comment negatively and imply I am ‘spoiled’.

YANBU and 90% of the women on MN are in the same situation but they all prefer arguments over solidarity so I'm sure they will all magically produce amazingly capable men who they claim are at least 50/50 when in reality they've all been tearing their hair out throughout December.

Solidarity sister. Pass the Prosecco.

And 83% of statistics about women on mn are probably made up to spuriously prove a point that only 43/57 of couples return the remote control to its original location

Thats Thing about making stuff up. You can say any old shite to prove a point

Pass the Prosecco, sister

Your vastly over simplifying. Ive done all the shopping, wrapping, food selections and planning and will do all the cooking. Its been that way for 29 years its not about to change.

Not here because I decide l many years ago to not marry a twat. Jointly we decided the food, DH did the shop, I am doing lots of the pre cooking and but he will cook on the day. I bought about 80% of presents and did most of the decoration. DH did most of the wrapping and tidying and cleaning.

I sort buying dinner as I do the food shopping. DH does the tree and we each get our own families presents. I'm working until 1500 this year so bought dinner from Cook and ds2 is cooking it. DH sorts out drinks etc as well.

@FelicisNox

YANBU and 90% of the women on MN are in the same situation but they all prefer arguments over solidarity so I'm sure they will all magically produce amazingly capable men who they claim are at least 50/50 when in reality they've all been tearing their hair out throughout December.

Solidarity sister. Pass the Prosecco.

I think this is entirely the problem. Far too many women really believe men are incapable of even basic adulting, and therefore excuse lazy, entitled, knob head behaviour so frequently it has become their lives.

I also blame British soaps...

The kids are at their dads for Christmas dinner and the rest of the day so all I've had to organise is their presents and a bit of deco. I presume he isn't planning on feeding them baked beans on toast but no idea...

Having said that one of the reasons why we are divorced is because I was carrying the "motherload" for things like Christmas in the past.

The only thing I am missing organising is the pantomime and Christingle Carols - I loved them so much as did the children so those things were a pleasure. Cooking the dinner though - bleh - it's so rarely actually tasty and usually five hours work for a plate of beige and 20 minutes of eating.

I do the present shopping and dh does the shopping and the cooking. We did the decorations together. Suits us.

Are there women out there with male partners who basically do all of Christmas and they just need to get a couple of gifts and turn up?

Mostly, yes. We do a food shop together and share the prep. He does most of the cooking. In addition I buy presents for my side of the family, and he does his.

We do almost everything together.

DH probably does more of the organising around planning what gifts to buy for everybody and ordering them, as I work much longer hours than he does in the run up to Christmas, so don’t have much time to spare for that.

We do the food shop together.

We wrap the gifts together.

We cook the Christmas dinner together.

I, admittedly, do all the decorating, but that’s because I LOVE it, and he HATES it, so fair enough, really.

I can’t really imagine being in a relationships where I was just expected to get on and do everything for Christmas by myself, and my partner would be fine with expecting me to do that. What does he say when you tell him that he’s got to do his fair share, OP?

I was a SAHM for 10 yrs so did most of it during that time. The year I went back to work though, I was so snowed under & just didn’t have the headspace. Told DH I couldn’t manage it & he stepped up, got all the presents (except mine to him), planned outings & meals, did the lions share of cooking & just told me what to do & when. It was amazing, I didn’t have to think about any of it. As I settled into working full time we started sharing housekeeping again & it’s been pretty 50/50 ever since.

We share the load. Normally we would go and do shopping together, this year we both did some present ordering after agreeing what we wanted to gift. We made a deal so I would wrap presents whilst he cleaned the house.
Went and got a tree together and decorated it together.
I did our food shopping online and then ran it through him to see if we needed anything else or if I forgot anything.
I think we will cook the Christmas meal together but he will probably do more of the tidying up after.
I did my cards, he did his.
It is pretty even here I would say but I do enjoy it more than he does.

Never ever helped my husband do his gift shopping or bought anything on his behalf tbh? We
I’ve not been to the shops once to get the food shop in

All I’m doing is making a desert on Xmas eve - he’s doing the rest of the dinner

I’ve never really gotten stressed in my life about Christmas tbh ?
My mum never seemed stressed either a my dad does his fair share and does most of the cooking too

We do the food shop together.

We do too. If I remember correctly shopping together was called pathetic and controlling on one thread😂

Other than the actual Christmas Day meal, DH would have everything sorted. He just cannot cook at all. On Christmas Day the only gifts he hasn't seen and been with me to buy are his own. He knows exactly what the kids want and what we have got them.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

We do the food shop together.

We do too. If I remember correctly shopping together was called pathetic and controlling on one thread😂

Same here. DH and I must be pathetic because we do the £300 monthly shop together. Fuck having to do it all by myself!!

DH used to do the food shop and cooking, and Christmas tree buying and decorating would’ve been joint. Present buying and wrapping mostly me. So nicely shared. He died four years ago and now I do All The Things.

I think a lot of the time its just that as women we tend to be more proactive. DH has had to step up for Christmas this year, and he truly has.