In thinking that if women went on strike, there'd be no Christmas?

[HotelliFinlandia]

All around me I see women busting a gut to organise the gifts, the food, get the food shopping/order food shopping and while there are some men around me who will help out, not a single one (in heterosexual relationships at least) is in charge of organising Christmas. They may contribute, but if their partner just downed tools, Christmas would either not happen or be dramatically smaller.

They're happy to receive gifts and eat the meal though.

But I wonder if this is just the people around me?

Are there women out there with male partners who basically do all of Christmas and they just need to get a couple of gifts and turn up?

Honestly, we share it. He’s been in charge of all food although asking my opinion/we add stuff to the order we think we need. He’s wrapped and organised to be sent all presents for his side of family, I’ve done mine and we shared sorting the kids. I’ve been in charge of activities - slightly moot but a couple of national trust type things.

We both work hard, I’ve been exceptionally busy up to last week so we share the load. I couldn’t imagine or expect it any other way. I have sons and I do not expect them to view women as a skivvy!

I don't know that it wouldn't happen but I think it would be very different.

My DH is doing the meal and did a fair bit of the decorating. But it's significantly less than I do. If we didn't have kids I don't think he would do anything at all unless I instigated it. He's particularly crap at keeping up connections to other people, so I suspect he'd just sit home on the day and treat it like a weekend. Then he'd get slowly depressed over time as he lost social contact.

Almost all the straight men I know are like this. My gay male friends are a more mixed bag. So I put it down to gender conventions pushing us into social roles. I hate it but I'm not prepared to sacrifice my kids' Christmas on that alter (then I wonder about how I'm perpetuating the whole thing by modeling it for them).

Are there women out there with male partners who basically do all of Christmas and they just need to get a couple of gifts and turn up?
Yes, me

Anyone fed up with an unfair share of tasks can just stop doing them.

If they don't, then they must want it as it is.

Most people have a reasonable share of jobs and responsibilities.

If not then they may have made a poor choice of partners.

It's a funny thought, really. I expect there would be some households where Christmas would be exactly the same but the majority would be different.

I think, and here I'm dealing with the kind of generalisation that is necessitated by the question, there would be far more outsourcing, gift vouchers and late deliveries. Perhaps that might just be my house?

We both work full time and home and family are joint. I thank his mother for bringing him up properly - wouldn’t have married him otherwise.

Are there women out there with male partners who basically do all of Christmas and they just need to get a couple of gifts and turn up?

Raises hand. And we're both Boomer generation.

I don't think that DH would do a bad job, I just don't think he would be as bogged down by the weight of expectation as I am. I think it would be an easier Christmas.

Are there women out there with male partners who basically do all of Christmas and they just need to get a couple of gifts and turn up?

But then that's not good either. Unless it's some swap for something else.

Surely the question should be are there women out there with male partners who pull their weight. To which the answer is yes. I never understand people who let their spouse take and take and take from them.

DH sat down to order his share of the gifts, and said "I'll start with your parents as they're easiest."

So the only bit of organising I've had to do is point out that I've already done my side of the family.

The first significant amount of time I spent with him was when he joined my flat shopping trip at university, because he was buying his mum's birthday present in time to post during fresher's week.

He spent yesterday fretting that he hadn't spent enough on his secret santa because he didn't quite spend the guide price.

I think the waters are muddied by extra voluntary nonsense some people get up to - cards to a bajillion people, a "little gift" for half a million people... Keep it simple and split it fairly.

I can’t stand when women moan about all the work they do at Christmas. If you enjoy it, fine, if not, don’t do it. Stop being a doormat.

In our house I am in charge of presents, cards etc, DH does pretty much all food shopping and cooking. We both help out the other so it’s not totally separate... seems to mainly work out ok. I feel that I do more for the lead up to Christmas, he does more the actual week/day of Christmas.

Not in my house
I would not have married a man who behaved like that

He doesn’t do all of it, but he definitely does far more than I do.

He buys and wraps (really good) gifts for me, all of his side and some of mine. He makes lists of all the foods & drink, budgets and goes and buys a large proportion of it, as well as little bits he thinks I might like. He orders the meat. We sort of cook together (he does the donkey work and I have a largely supervisory role). He’ll potter about with a bin bag scooping up wrapping paper and various bits that need binning and take out the rubbish & recycling so it doesn’t fill the kitchen up. He’ll usually do sandwiches of an evening too and will keep my glass topped up. He’ll cook buffet food for Christmas Eve and Boxing Day lunch too.

I do the tree, buy for him and the rest of my side, write cards, add to the shopping list and remind him to do stuff like make the stuffing etc. I’ll clean and wash up too. Overall, I get the better end of the stick.

Mine isn't a Christmas fan, not is his mum. I decorate, he buys food and cooks. We both buy gifts, I do most of the wrapping, he uses gift bags.

Lol the world would collapse

@Fbtw

My boyfriend and I don’t live together but he’s done all his own stuff. If we could have been together he would have done way more than me as I’m working mad hours. He’s organised and planned Christmas dinner and got all presents for himself and his child and their family.

Same here. I got a few non perishable food and drink items in my supermarket delivery and sorted presents for my own family and friends, but my DP is sorting all the rest of the food and will be doing the cooking on Christmas day, he's bought and wrapped presents for his family and friends.

I do mostly everything I would say. Buy all presents - children and in laws. Buy all food. Do all cooking.

@shamalidacdak

Lol the world would collapse

I don't think it would I think it would just run on simple minimum without any of the unnecessary faff. Judging by the men around me who are all capable, but just are not into unnecessary jobs... Nor am I.

DH has done the food shopping and will do the cooking all over Xmas. He put the tree up. He bought my presents and wrapped them.

I bought his and the DC presents and wrapped them and sent a few cards. I have also organised the kids letters to and from santa, bought a few extras such as a book for Christmas Eve and some table decroations.

I'm very happy with that.

*unnecessary jobs they are not enjoying

Should have said

I could rephrase the question:

Why do women fall for the hyperactive sales bullshit that has made Christmas into the Spending Orgy it has become? There is no need for ant of this.

any

We're half and half really, if i asked him to things like put the tree up etc he would do it and do just a good a job as i could.

But i couldn't count on him to sort buying the gifts as he's too last minute.
And i wouldn't ever be able to cook the xmas dinner he will always do that.

So i suppose its a very good fit and im happy to be responsible for the arty farty bits of xmas like wrapping, if it means i don't have to do anything on the day because i get so stressed on xmas day i need to just sit and do nothing really (xmas related PTSD).

My husband does it all. Plans and buys all the food. Sorts most of the presents.