In thinking that if women went on strike, there'd be no Christmas?

[HotelliFinlandia]

All around me I see women busting a gut to organise the gifts, the food, get the food shopping/order food shopping and while there are some men around me who will help out, not a single one (in heterosexual relationships at least) is in charge of organising Christmas. They may contribute, but if their partner just downed tools, Christmas would either not happen or be dramatically smaller.

They're happy to receive gifts and eat the meal though.

But I wonder if this is just the people around me?

Are there women out there with male partners who basically do all of Christmas and they just need to get a couple of gifts and turn up?

Haha..I read this as my DH is out running errands, doing all of our food shopping, picking up the gift for our doggy daycare workers, and who did the big house clean a few days ago.

Tomorrow I’ll prepare most of the Xmas Eve food, he’ll serve our guests at brunch, and we’ll both clean up and I’ll sort out the buffet for our celebration. While he fixes food for Christmas Day for me to eat while he’s working.

I’ll be running a few errands today to get the final stuff I need for his crew’s Christmas stocking that I put together for those who he works with, and buy the last few gifts we need for people.

It all evens out in the end and we both have a really nice Christmas.

Honestly, use your words, sort out a list, and divvy it up before Christmas.

I cook, because I'm bloody good at it. He cleans and does laundry because he's bloody good at it. We're the best team...

Christmas-wise we buy and wrap for our own families. He does the 'big present' for the DC because he earns more, I do the little bits and bobs and the stocking presents. We wrap them together with a bottle glass of wine

We each do the parts we enjoy and skip the rest. 's brilliant.

He does cards, presents, shopping & cooking. He loves surprise presents, is always happy with whatever he gets and lives for the occasional "didn't know he needed it" winner present.

Decorations and wrapping are my department. I also look out for surprises for him. Not just so easy but I am getting g better at it.

I hate surprises so compromise by proving on a list of wishes.

We split the present buying, DH does the food shopping and most of the cooking. If he wasn't here I would have a lot more work to do! I'd hope in this day and age it's not all on women.

I buy the presents my DH wraps. I buy the food. My DH cooks. Kinda half team work.

We each do the bits we are good at/ find easiest. He buys the gifts and tells me what we got the kids and friends and his side. I buy for my side. We decorate together, in a very half assed fashion. Because who cares. I usually cook but I've been doing a lot of cooking recently so he's cooking this year. I baked cookies with DS. He did the garden centre visit to see Santa (from a distance). He remembered we needed to sort out a Christmas show costume, I sourced it from a friend. I bought the booze. He's keeping a steady flow of treats in...

Marry a grown up and actively decide to do less and have fewer expectations than the adverts on TV try to sell you. Works better that way.

I buy all the presents for my family. DH does his. This started badly when we first got married, but he soon realised i wasnt going to do it for him. I am one of four children and have many many nieces and nephews. And a living grandparent. Dh has no living gps and no siblings. Why would i add to my load?! This year i told him he was in charge of buying for one of our two children too.

I arrange all the days out around Christmas. DH drives.

I do Christmas breakfasts and he does the christmas dinners.

Ive actually done nothing for two days as im ill crap timing.

I think on average (and yes, this is a sweeping generalisation so there’s no need to argue if your situation is different) women tend to give more of a shit about Christmas than men do.

Yes, of course...everything is even stevens here but once you get out of the bubble of MN then the majority of the work falls to women...

metro.co.uk/2018/12/03/not-to-be-a-grinch-but-christmas-creates-huge-emotional-labour-for-women-8202623/

So I don't think it's fair to sink the op's observation that things would be different if Christmas were left to men - in society as a whole- on the back of your own particular households.

Interesting. I'm actually married to someone who likes to cook so I let him get in with it. But he wasn't brought up to take any responsibility for gifts for anybody. I've stopped doing his side of the family. It's been a few years but he's figuring it out - have turned up at his relatives with no gifts only to be handed gifts for us which made me die of embarrassment. He wasn't embarrassed...

But I do see around me that it's almost entirely in women's shoulders- even if that's divvying up the tasks, or checking they've been done.

Im really glad to see that there are men out there who have been taught to take responsibility.

Ironically, as I posted the OP, DH told me he should be getting his work Christmas present soon, in the post. Raised eyebrow from me and he told me it was fine, he'd had them sent last week. So he's put himself on his own gift list and only got it done last week. Even without Covid, he hadn't grasped that if you want to be certain something arrives in time for Christmas, you don't send it 7 days before Christmas.

But also I'm thinking, I'd be stressed my staff wouldn't get their gifts in time..but is that actually a problem? Is that just me falling for the hype if Christmas advertising?! Not sure!

DH & I usually sort presents for DD about 50/50. He does gifts for his family; I do the ones for mine. I wrap them as he is crap at wrapping & I enjoy it. He plans & cooks the entire Christmas dinner, & washes up after, every year. We take turns decorating the tree - this year he & DD did it... it looks lovely a gaudy, badly balaced mess but they love it.

We definitely share the load. He sorts presents for his side, and I sort them for mine. We do each other's gifts. Both involved in DD's gifts. I wrap her stuff because I love wrapping!
Tree and decorations - all three of us do it.
Food - we discuss what we need, one or other of us goes to the shop (whoever fancies it), we are both involved in cooking and tidying up.
Sometimes, the three of us are together, and at other times we sort of take it in turns to entertain DD while the other person gets a break.
Don't bother with cards.
What else is there? That's basically all Christmas is here! Some nice food, some presents, a tree, and a few outings to look at Christmas lights. The dream!

Are there women out there with male partners who basically do all of Christmas and they just need to get a couple of gifts and turn up?
No because neither of us agree with one person doing everything and the other doing almost nothing.

We share Christmas preparations just like we share childcare, the mental load of running a house and the housework. I don't understand why so many people tolerate their partner's being selectively useless.

Then again, we are happy with a chilled out family Christmas so there's no fretting about centerpieces, dinner parties, etc. If one person in a relationship has ridiculous expectations of Christmas then it's wrong for them to be annoyed that their other half wants to chill instead of martyring themselves.

My DH doesnt do any Christmas prep but he always cooks Christmas dinner (and sorts out what food we need)

Mine does - left to me nothing would be done. But of course men are all useless 🤷🏻‍♀️

@HotelliFinlandia

All around me I see women busting a gut to organise the gifts, the food, get the food shopping/order food shopping and while there are some men around me who will help out, not a single one (in heterosexual relationships at least) is in charge of organising Christmas. They may contribute, but if their partner just downed tools, Christmas would either not happen or be dramatically smaller.

They're happy to receive gifts and eat the meal though.

But I wonder if this is just the people around me?

Are there women out there with male partners who basically do all of Christmas and they just need to get a couple of gifts and turn up?

We divide it equally. Why wouldn't you?

It’s a joint effort in our house.

We split it - he does his family, sends whatever cards he wants, mostly sorts the food ordering and will cook it. We split buying for ds, and decorate together.

We do 50/50. Christmas is a joint effort.

DH is currently out doing the food shop. I helped with the list to check nothing I want is missing. So I'm home sorting bath and bedtime but if I'd have shopped he'd have done that.

Last night we wrapped DCs gifts together. Which we'd both bought, some together some separately.

On Friday I'll cook and he'll wash up as that's my preference.

Here DH and I both buy gifts. He does his family, I do mine and we both do the kids, and then each other obv. He does Christmas cards, as well as me, and we all sign. He also cooks the Christmas dinner.

Definitely a team effort in this house.

My husband bought for his family, I bought for mine. I did all the wrapping. He's done most of the food shop. He'll also do most of the cooking and washing up. I do most of the cleaning.
It's a joint effort

@Runmybathforme

I can’t stand when women moan about all the work they do at Christmas. If you enjoy it, fine, if not, don’t do it. Stop being a doormat.

I agree with this, ultimately it's a roast dinner, family, some presents and decorations.

All the Christmas Eve boxes, giant present piles etc are completely unnecessary so I do think a lot of the pressure is self made, especially be people that buy in to all the #makingmemories social media nonsense.

I don't understand all the stress and angst of 'making everything perfect' - surely it's much preferred to have mum relaxed and happy and participating, than some insta perfect Christmas where she is buzzing around and you don't want to do anything for fear you might tip her over the edge?

I have a partner that takes on half of everything, but we have a pretty low key Christmas too

DH does most Christmas prep chez nous. We do joint present buying, he decorates and I bake.