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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I allowed to be upset by this

432 replies

allgoodinthehood · 22/12/2020 15:26

Relevant
My partner is one of the nicest people you have met . He is kind, considerate, loving and generous.
He is annoyed at me because I'm upset that he hasn't got me a card for Christmas.
I've said I appreciate all that he does for me . He does alot small and big things . He would give me his last penny.
He has been to three shops today to try and get a suitable card but no luck.
He says hes annoyed Im pissed off . Ive said I'm not pissed off but I am upset that he hasnt got me a card.
He says " but you know I dont do cards " I know for a fact he would be rightfully upset if I didnt get him a birthday card.
So tell me strait AIBU
When I say upset I dont mean crying and the like I just mean Ive gone quiet but not in an angry way.
Oh and he has got me a present.

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/12/2020 17:33

@LisaLee333

Oh I do bloody hate the 'I don't do cards' brigade. They think they're soooo superior. And 9 times out of 10 they would be disgusted if no-one got them a card!

And the ones who announce on social media that they're not giving Christmas cards this year, but are giving a donation to charity instead, are so irksome.

@allgoodinthehood YANBU. How can he have gone to 3 shops and not got a card? And why did he not get one weeks ago. Shame on him! Hmm

Even if you 'don't do cards,' why would you not give one to someone you love and care about if you know THEY like them? Hmm

Good god, I would hate to be so tight wound that I could get myself in such a state over a card, or lack of one.
LisaLee333 · 22/12/2020 17:34

@sammylady37

YAB unreasonable, pathetic, childish and utterly ridiculous.

If he has any sense, he’ll heed this and start the new year without this sort of nonsense and drama in his life.

Bloody hell, calm down luv.
CallmeAngelGabriel · 22/12/2020 17:35

My husband and I have been married over 25 years. I don't think we've EVER sent each other Christmas cards.
We do give birthday and Valentine's Day ones, but he did spell my name wrong on one of those a couple of years ago which I've never let him forget.

LisaLee333 · 22/12/2020 17:36

There are some nasty people on this thread. Does it make you all feel better to be so vicious and mean-spirited?

Bet none of you talk to people like this in real life.

Fucking keyboard warriors. Wink

DolphinsAndNemesis · 22/12/2020 17:36

@HasaDigaEebowai

YAB ridiculous
I agree. MN needs a new board: AIBR. Many of the threads on AIBU would belong there.

I'm glad that you've apologised, OP. Sulking over a Christmas card seems very silly, as you've said your DP is very thoughtful and kind. I do wonder about his inability to find a "suitable" card, though. What would make a card suitable in his (or your) eyes?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/12/2020 17:36

I love cards. DH once gave me one when our thing is to give two. I mentioned I was disappointed as he always picks the perfect cards. He's never forgotten since and I get two at every occasion. I also give him two.

Two cards Confused why. How pointless!

OhTheTastyNuts · 22/12/2020 17:37

DH and I have been together since 2004. Very happily married. I don't think we've ever bought each other Christmas cards?!

We do buy give birthday cards though.

DfEisashambles · 22/12/2020 17:37

It really does seem petty, sorry.

onlythepianoplayer · 22/12/2020 17:37

Bet none of you talk to people like this in real life

I would say the exact same thing to any real life person who said the same thing.

KillingEvenings · 22/12/2020 17:38

I have never even heard of couples giving each other christmas cards. YABVU

Ohmango · 22/12/2020 17:38

Yes YABVU

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/12/2020 17:38

@LisaLee333

There are some nasty people on this thread. Does it make you all feel better to be so vicious and mean-spirited?

Bet none of you talk to people like this in real life.

Fucking keyboard warriors. Wink

Hmmm, bit hypocritical coming from someone that was spitting venom up thread.
saraclara · 22/12/2020 17:42

@LisaLee333 we did cards for birthdays, anniversaries, Valentines etc. But not Christmas. It's a different sort of sentiment surely? The whole family share Christmas together. It's not an individual thing. We are the most Christmasey of families, and my late husband loved it probably most of all of us. But individual cards to people living in the same house never occurred to either of us.

No my daughters have left home, we send each other cards of course.

ddl1 · 22/12/2020 17:43

YABU! If he'd given you nothing it might be one thing, but he's given you a present, which for most people is better than a card.

Pechanga · 22/12/2020 17:48

Oh OP....stop being ridiculous.

Cards don't mean the same to him stop putting pressure in him, Christmas is stressful enough you're being very unfair

CorianderQueen · 22/12/2020 17:54

You get cards for people you live with? But you can literally say 'merry Christmas' on the day?

Yabu

oatmilk4breakfast · 22/12/2020 18:01

Birthday card fine. Anniversary? Fine. Christmas card, seriously? Give the guy a break. He has got you a present!!

Callipygion · 22/12/2020 18:01

I don’t give people I live with Christmas cards, nor do I receive any off them.

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/12/2020 18:03

@allgoodinthehood

Im upset because he has always said " Id rather have a nice card with lovely words in than a present " We have always given each other lovely cards. When I asked him about his U turn on cards he said I love receiving cards from you but I dont like giving them or words to that effect. Well this is bloody news to me . He does ALWAYS put thought and effort into my presents and everyday life. Im being AIBU arnt I
So really, you're not upset about the card. You're upset because he's essentially lying to your face - telling you something now as if it has always been so, when you know damned fine it hasn't?
DeathinparadiseNo1fan · 22/12/2020 18:03

Waste of money if you ask me. Spending £1 to put it on the windowsill that goes in the bin .. and the fact he got you a present. YABU.
If he had not got anything for your anniversary that would be different.

jumperweather · 22/12/2020 18:05

I keep Christmas cards/anniversary / birthday etc if they're really nice and my OH has written something nice in them :)

If you keep the cards, and you've always done it this way I'd be a bit miffed, but don't hold it against him.

Daphnise · 22/12/2020 18:06

You do sound sulky and petulant.

But it seems he knows that already.

And expecting him to go inside numerous shops with Covid everywhere is just plain stupid.

Scbchl · 22/12/2020 18:06

Yabu

NorbertMeubles · 22/12/2020 18:09

You are being ridiculous, unreasonable and childish.

sammylady37 · 22/12/2020 18:11

@LisaLee333

There are some nasty people on this thread. Does it make you all feel better to be so vicious and mean-spirited?

Bet none of you talk to people like this in real life.

Fucking keyboard warriors. Wink

I’d happily repeat what I said to anyone in my real life who was carrying on as the op is, in fact I’d probably be even more blunt.
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