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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP present won’t arrive on time

159 replies

JupiterMoons9 · 22/12/2020 08:54

I ordered one of DPs presents (a pair of premium joggers) weeks ago but sadly delivery is delayed and won’t be here in time for Christmas. The situation is making me so anxious as I think he will try and make me feel bad about the situation. We set a budget between us which I went over and he still has other things to open but I feel immensely guilty and shit over the situation. I don’t know what to do. He is fussy with his clothing and these joggers were exactly his style. I don’t want to run the risk of ordering a different pair online and don’t fancy going to the shops. I could cry.

OP posts:
BakedBeeeen · 22/12/2020 11:50

You think you’re not a nice person? It’s clear that you are a very kind and caring person to choose something that you know he’ll love, and you ordered it plenty of time in advance. I agree with PP’s, if he has a strop then he’s the problem, not the joggers. Please recognise it’s not you, it’s him. Flowers

PleasantVille · 22/12/2020 11:51

If you want to be stuck with a big selfish baby carry on, or listen to what everyone is telling you

This is not a normal way for an adult to behave

And, us the quote function when you reply so posters know who you are responding too otherwise your replies are just random.

ElloElloEllo122 · 22/12/2020 11:53

Years ago I bought my husband (then boyfriend) and expensive watch for Christmas. I didn't get him much else as was quite expensive.
That year we had bad snow and his watch was delayed.

I made a cardboard replica of the watch and wrapped that up. Hen he opened it he looked really puzzled, and then the penny dropped and he was so chuffed.

He kept the cardboard version for ages until we moved into our own house and I haven't seen it since.

I felt crap too as it didn't feel right not having the gift for Christmas but he was fine

tootesuite · 22/12/2020 12:02

The situation is making me so anxious as I think he will try and make me feel bad about the situation.

Stay with this man at your peril. This is a red flag.

Really trivial things, like before he went to work I’d say I would tidy the house but then couldn’t get myself out of bed all day. It took a while for him to understand it wasn’t laziness on my part.

He will be even less understanding once you're trapped with kids.

middleager · 22/12/2020 12:05

The issue here is not a delayed gift.

vdbfamily · 22/12/2020 12:06

YABVU bring in a relationship with someone who would make you feel bad for a late Christmas gift!!

justwanttobemum · 22/12/2020 12:07

OP how on earth can you be bothered?! I feel drained by this man just by reading your posts. Can you seriously be bothered being in a state like this worried about him for the rest of your life? Me and DP have a gift from my mum that's lost in the post, she just mentioned it to us and said she'll wait a while see if it turns up and if not she'll reorder. We just said "ok thanks" - that's a normal adult reaction. Even a child should not be throwing tantrums over things like this and if you have kids with him would you want them learning behaviour from that idiot? I think not. I'd be finding a gift box and popping in a separation agreement and a nice pen if I were you.

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 22/12/2020 12:10

Do not have kids with this man. See all these pretty horrible parts of him, they will just get worse and be amplified if you have kids. And he will also guilt trip your children because that's just the way he is.

You wont be able to change him. He doesnt want to change. If you're happy with it then fine, but it will be 100 times worse if you bring kids into it so dont.

LadyFoxtrot · 22/12/2020 12:19

OP, nobody has a right to tell you that you can’t be upset. In this situation, however, you shouldn’t be, as this is not your issue- this is entirely your partners.

Literally all that should happen is you should say ‘oh damn, I ordered it weeks ago and it’s still not here, I’ll have to give it to you when it arrives’ and that should be it.

If he gets sulky or tries to blame you then put him on the spot. Ask him why he thinks it’s your fault. And seriously, reconsider this relationship. I promise you now that if this was happening to me my husband wouldn’t give two hoots. The fact that you are worrying about it speaks volumes, and your other half is most definitely a man child if he even makes the tiniest bit of a big deal about it.

MakeMineALarge1 · 22/12/2020 12:27

OK I have been harsh - but come on OP you are in your twenties! Wake up and smell the roses!

Read your posts back - does it sound like a healthy relationship to you?

nosswith · 22/12/2020 12:30

His response and indeed his awful taste in clothing do not make him an appealing person to me.

Original poster
JupiterMoons9 · 22/12/2020 12:34

@nosswith

His response and indeed his awful taste in clothing do not make him an appealing person to me.
😂 what’s wrong with joggers?!
OP posts:
AlrightTreacle · 22/12/2020 12:42

what’s wrong with joggers?!

I'm curious about what premium joggers are tbh, to me joggers are either gym or lounge wear, you don't wear them anywhere else.

Original poster
JupiterMoons9 · 22/12/2020 12:47

@AlrightTreacle

what’s wrong with joggers?!

I'm curious about what premium joggers are tbh, to me joggers are either gym or lounge wear, you don't wear them anywhere else.

They were expensive.
OP posts:
CanofCant · 22/12/2020 12:48

Only on page 3 but I'm guessing that he is 'lovely most of the time' when things are going his way or when he is in control with the upper hand, such as when you were ill and he got to run the show.

I voted YANBU but he is. This isn't a healthy relationship and he has already skewed your perspective. I agree with a PP who said you are a boiled frog.

Good luck.

madcatladyforever · 22/12/2020 12:51

Tell him not to be such a flipping dramas queen, there is a pandemic on, people are losing their lives. A late present isn't going to kill him!!
All mine are late as my local post office has a massive backlog that won't be cleared until after christmas and I ordered them in plenty of time.

Garlicinyoursoul · 22/12/2020 12:52

I order DH’s present in November and the company oversold. They didn’t bother to tell me so I had to chase them, and chase them. They’re getting stock in...tomorrow morning Hmm
I told DH about the fiasco as it has really turned into one, and it was stressing me out with all the the emails and webchats, and he’s been nothing but lovely and told me to just do what I thought was best in regards to it. In the end I’ve cancelled and ordered elsewhere, can you not do that for in store collection? I know you don’t fancy the shops but if it’ll calm you it may be the best way?
Info not I think you should carry on with your plan of the IOU, and if he gets the hump I’d maybe reassess things after Christmas, it’s not like you got him bugger all!
You shouldn’t be dealing with a Jekyll and Hyde over something so ridiculous, or at all really.
You ordered in plenty of time and something he’d really like, if he gets upset then it’s silly and not fair in you at all.

Garlicinyoursoul · 22/12/2020 12:53

*If not

tootesuite · 22/12/2020 13:03

I'm curious about what premium joggers are tbh, to me joggers are either gym or lounge wear, you don't wear them anywhere else.

I don’t own many joggers but even I know Armani / Tommy Hilfiger joggers are gong to cost a lot more than Primark ones.

Wishimaywishimight · 22/12/2020 13:12

Hardly worth crying over, seriously, and if he makes you feel bad then he's an arse! He's still got some presents to open and he'll have another arriving after Christmas. I'm sorry you are feeling upset but you need to step back and look at this situation as nothing more than a very minor irritation.

Scbchl · 22/12/2020 13:13

Print a picture of them off and stick it in a xmas card and write arriving (whatever date)

Canwecancel2020 · 22/12/2020 13:26

@DianaT1969

Everything you say suggests that you have no intention of leaving him. That's a shame. But you'll have seen plenty of threads on here where women have lumbered themselves with a similar grumpy manchild. So you'll know your future. It gets noticeably worse after children and your earning power decreases. Did you suffer with depression before you met him?
^^this is so true, 2 women I work with are in marriages like this.
DontBeShelfish · 22/12/2020 13:39

I don't want to pile on OP, but I just can't get past the idea that a grown man would make you feel so shit about yourself to reduce you to tears JUST because ONE of his gifts was stuck in the post. The fact that you're posting here suggests to me that deep down, you know it's wrong too. If you don't want to leave him, that's fine; but please consider what prompted you to write this post in the first place.

He may very well be kind on occasion but he will get worse as your relationship goes on. And I echo what another OP has said - did you have depression before you met him?

I hope your Christmas goes well, OP. Thanks

ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 22/12/2020 13:54

Why would he make you feel bad? You ordered them in plenty of time and they haven’t shown up 🤷‍♀️

Tell him and his expensive joggers to literally jog on Smile

Lilac95 · 22/12/2020 14:01

Wow he needs to grow up! Any adult would understand and say thanks I can’t wait etc...why don’t you just pretend you haven’t ordered them and then surprise him when they arrive if he’s going to ruin your day? No joggers are worth walking on eggshells

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