Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP present won’t arrive on time

159 replies

JupiterMoons9 · 22/12/2020 08:54

I ordered one of DPs presents (a pair of premium joggers) weeks ago but sadly delivery is delayed and won’t be here in time for Christmas. The situation is making me so anxious as I think he will try and make me feel bad about the situation. We set a budget between us which I went over and he still has other things to open but I feel immensely guilty and shit over the situation. I don’t know what to do. He is fussy with his clothing and these joggers were exactly his style. I don’t want to run the risk of ordering a different pair online and don’t fancy going to the shops. I could cry.

OP posts:
CrazyBaubles · 22/12/2020 09:22

Posters are pointing out that the stress about the Christmas present is the symptom and your patterns attitude is the actual issue.
Step back and look at this objectively. Would you really accept an adult sulking and making you feel guilty because a preset has been delayed in the post in the midst of a global pandemic? Would you blame him if this was the other way around?

If you're not looking to end your relationship, you should look at the way you react to his behaviour. If it were me I'd tell him to pack it in then ignore, I definitely wouldn't stand there listening to him making this my fault!

FWIW 2 of my husband's 5 presents won't be here on time (the 2 big ones too). I told him just this morning about the second one and his reaction was to shrug and say "that's ok, it'll get here eventually."

SingaporeSlinky · 22/12/2020 09:22

Surely he opens his other presents, thanks you, and you get to say “guess what, there’s also another present for you, it just hasn’t arrived yet, but I can show you a picture” If he makes you feel bad, he’s not a nice person. If he ruins your day, by acting like a spoiled brat, I’d pull him up on it.

UghNotThisAgain36 · 22/12/2020 09:24

A grown man giving you a guilt trip over a pair of joggers that won't arrive on time because the post is fucked?? Is he 5? WTF? An adult would have seen the news and understand surely? Not throw a toddler strop?

Just the fact you made a thread about being so anxious over something so trivial is sad. I reckon this side of him is more of a problem than you think.

ApolloandDaphne · 22/12/2020 09:24

@JupiterMoons9

The poster had said it’s the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard in her life... not a wind up... that comment was harsh!
The pp wasn't harsh as it is ridiculous. Adults don't act like this. You have yourself a man child. If you don't want a lifetime of sulking then I would look very closely at this relationship and make a decision on your future together.
LeSangeEstDansLarbre · 22/12/2020 09:25

Wow! There’s no way that this relationship is a healthy one if a small issue like this has you in fear. You shouldn’t ever feel like that with someone who apparently loves you.

I’d be making plans to leave based on this. Hasn’t your fear opened your eyes to what a dick he is? Being unable to sustain a loving and caring attitude towards you all the time is a good indication he doesn’t really feel that way. You’re worth much more than this. Please don’t let him continue to make to afraid of his reactions.

Teakind · 22/12/2020 09:26

No one should make you feel like this. My DH wouldn't care at all if his present was delayed (in fact one is).

I was in a relationship where my boyfriend made me feel like yours does and it was mentally exhausting. I still remember the sense of freedom I felt when we finally broke up.

Original poster
JupiterMoons9 · 22/12/2020 09:26

Thank you for your lovely reply. I wouldn’t be upset at all if it was the other way round - sure, if it was something nice like a new dress that I could’ve worn on Christmas Day I’d be a bit disappointed but I wouldn’t make a fuss or make him feel bad at all.

OP posts:
Brighterthansunflowers · 22/12/2020 09:27

No partner should make you feel like this over a pair of joggers.

ScatteredMama82 · 22/12/2020 09:29

What? This is not a normal way to feel OP. He's an adult. If you are worried that he is going to sulk about a gift being caught in the post then there is something seriously wrong here. Honestly, my 11 year old DS would understand that, there is no situation where an adult man (or woman) should be acting this way.

Mrsjayy · 22/12/2020 09:30

Do you live together?

Original poster
JupiterMoons9 · 22/12/2020 09:30

Yes we have lived together for just under 2 years

OP posts:
DelphineWalsh · 22/12/2020 09:33

Tell him before Christmas day so at least he is expecting it. It would be a bigger disappointment to him if he has been looking forward to opening it on the day when you tell him its not here. At least he knows its on the way and if he then starts acting like a child, you tell him to wind his neck in because its out of your control and taking it out on you isn't fair.

Norwester · 22/12/2020 09:34

You don't judge a relationship on how they make you feel when all is well. You judge a relationship on how they respond when things go wrong and get tough.

Imagine raising children with someone who sweats the trivial stuff and makes you feel bad about a present delayed by pandemic post. A person you can't argue with well and rationally. You will argue and disagree - you need to be able to do this right and without feeling nervous.

Westiegirl3 · 22/12/2020 09:34

I'm in the same situation with a delayed parcel... I can't be bothered to plug in the printer so I've just screen shot the gift and I will forward it to him when we are opening presents.. my DH wouldn't even bat an eyelid that he hasn't got it to open and will look forward to getting it when it does

ScatteredMama82 · 22/12/2020 09:34

Last year I ordered a couple of books for my DH in a set he is collecting. They didn't come on time so I wrapped up the old one and put a post it on it with the next edition number written on it. He thought it was hilarious. That's what a normal adult reaction is. Please OP, think seriously about why you are with this man.

PeterPickerPacker · 22/12/2020 09:36

Sorry OP there is something seriously wrong in your relationship if you are at the point of tears because you know your partner is going to make you feel bad that a present hasn't turned up in time.

I would feel mildly disappointed, tell DH his present isn't here yet, he'd probably make a joke that I'd not got him anything, we'd laugh and move on.

If I ended up in tears at the thought of him making me feel bad about it, I would be seriously concerned.

He sounds like a child.

FangsForTheMemory · 22/12/2020 09:36

Goodness, OP, you shouldn’t be feeling like this over something that is so unimportant in the scheme of things. If he sulks, take yourself off out for a walk or into another room. I would seriously consider leaving someone who uses the fact that he can upset you in this way to get back at you.

LeSangeEstDansLarbre · 22/12/2020 09:37

How has he behaved in difficult situations you’ve encountered together so far in your relationship, OP? How is he when you’re ill? Is he as solicitous of you as you are of him?

TwentyViginti · 22/12/2020 09:37

"Your present will be delayed because of pandemic post"

Normal adult - "Oh, ok, no worries"

Your partner - "WAAAAH!!!! It's not fair! you're horrible!"

CatholicKidston · 22/12/2020 09:40

I'd use his reaction as a clue as to whether I want to stay in the relationship are not. The fact you're even worrying he won't react well speaks volumes. Get out while you can lovely - you don't want to be worrying about tantrums from him when you've got children at home.

Original poster
JupiterMoons9 · 22/12/2020 09:41

He is generally considerate if I’m ill, he’ll say to get in bed and he will do the washing/cooking, etc and will give me a kiss and a cuddle. I was off work due to depression a year ago and at first he struggled to understand how it effected my ability to function as a normal adult. Really trivial things, like before he went to work I’d say I would tidy the house but then couldn’t get myself out of bed all day. It took a while for him to understand it wasn’t laziness on my part.

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 22/12/2020 09:42

If he complains say “ I have got you one other present, are you holding your phone, give me a sec” . Then msg him a picture of the delayed trousers.

HoneysuckIejasmine · 22/12/2020 09:42

Oh love, you're a boiled frog. Already treading on eggshells and feeling anxious about being in trouble for something completely beyond your control that absolutely isn't your fault.

Please jump out the pan asap. Life doesn't have to be this way.

Original poster
JupiterMoons9 · 22/12/2020 09:44

I think I will buy a little gift box and write a “IOU” to put inside and then show him the picture on my phone. If he decides to guilt trip me I honestly give up.

OP posts:
Snackasaurus · 22/12/2020 09:45

My husband has two main presents and two smaller ones. His main ones haven't even arrived in the UK yet so they're definitely not here for Christmas. It's just one of those things, unfortunately.

If I was you and he acts like a spoilt child and makes you feel bad, I'd send the joggers back and get a refund! Xmas Smile

Swipe left for the next trending thread