DP present won’t arrive on time

[JupiterMoons9]

I ordered one of DPs presents (a pair of premium joggers) weeks ago but sadly delivery is delayed and won’t be here in time for Christmas. The situation is making me so anxious as I think he will try and make me feel bad about the situation. We set a budget between us which I went over and he still has other things to open but I feel immensely guilty and shit over the situation. I don’t know what to do. He is fussy with his clothing and these joggers were exactly his style. I don’t want to run the risk of ordering a different pair online and don’t fancy going to the shops. I could cry.

@JupiterMoons9

He is generally considerate if I’m ill, he’ll say to get in bed and he will do the washing/cooking, etc and will give me a kiss and a cuddle. I was off work due to depression a year ago and at first he struggled to understand how it effected my ability to function as a normal adult. Really trivial things, like before he went to work I’d say I would tidy the house but then couldn’t get myself out of bed all day. It took a while for him to understand it wasn’t laziness on my part.

You see how this looks when you write it down? He does the easy bits - the kiss and cuddle - then says words but doesn’t follow through, and still expects you to have done things you’re too unwell to do. I’ll bet you wait on him hand and foot if he’s ill.

This isn’t an equal partnership. You deserve better treatment.

@JupiterMoons9

I think I will buy a little gift box and write a “IOU” to put inside and then show him the picture on my phone. If he decides to guilt trip me I honestly give up.

Why? It's a pair of delayed trousers and he is an adult man not a 5 year old.

Just tell him his present is delayed. Most frown ups should just be able to move on from that bombshell fairly easily without the need for their partner to sit fretting about gift boxes and how to 'break the news'.

Giving someone a kiss and cuddle when they are ill or being understanding about their MH issues (eventually) is a pretty basic part of being in a relationship. He’s not “considerate “ for doing that, it’s normal.
Raise your bar OP

@JupiterMoons9

He is generally considerate if I’m ill, he’ll say to get in bed and he will do the washing/cooking, etc and will give me a kiss and a cuddle. I was off work due to depression a year ago and at first he struggled to understand how it effected my ability to function as a normal adult. Really trivial things, like before he went to work I’d say I would tidy the house but then couldn’t get myself out of bed all day. It took a while for him to understand it wasn’t laziness on my part.

Op if this is your bar you do need therapy. You don't stay with someone because they're nice when you're ill, that's the minimum. Think about if you wamt to continue to live your one life this way.

My DS present was late last year and he understood. He was 5. I think your DP should get over it!!

Christ, in our current situation, a grown man getting shitty about a delayed pair of joggers is utterly ridiculous! Tell him straight that it's out of your control & he'll get them when he gets them. If he goes nuts then you have a FAR bigger problem.

OP, you’re only in your twenties and you’re already settling for someone who doesn’t treat you with love and respect 100% of the time.

I didn’t meet DH until I was 38. I’d dated and had other long term relationships but I wouldn’t stay with someone that doesn't respect me.
Don’t be so desperate to have a partner that you’ll settle for anyone who is quite nice to you.

Men are not to be confused with wine and don’t generally improve with age.

I think that the real issue isn’t the fact his present will be late - it’s the fact that he sound like a prick!
My husband would maybe be a bit disappointed but he would be full of reassurances and wouldn’t make me feel shit about it. You sound like your treading on egg shells and are scared of putting a foot wrong - I think you need to re-evaluate your relationship if this is the case!

I think I will buy a little gift box and write a “IOU” to put inside and then show him the picture on my phone

It's worrying you feel the need to do this. You're only in your twenties - don't settle for a life of placating a manchild. YOU'RE NOT HIS MUMMY!!!!

Absolutely, you shouldn’t have to be worrying 3 days before Christmas about how he might react to something so minor. He should be more upset at the thought of you being so anxious.

It is absolutely fine to be dissapointed something isn't going to arrive but to work your self up like this Into a tizz because you know he is going to overreact isn't fine.

Omg! Seriously? Wtf us he like! Get rid of him. He’s vile at this stage in your relationship... I couldn’t bear it if your were my dd with him.

OP, you’re in your 20s. You could do so much better. Please don’t settle for someone who makes you feel bad about yourself. He sounds like a total dick. Him doing “the washing and cooking etc” when you’re ill does not make him a prince among men. You need to raise your expectations.

Seriously. You are getting anxious over a delayed present and the guy already has presents to open anyway.
I've told both my son and DH there presents haven't come and they both thanked me and gave me a kiss and said it was nothing to worrrt about.

He will be grumpy over a pair of joggers!! Jesus wept!
. However, he does have another side to him where he can become grumpy, stubborn and childish. I’ve told him how it makes me feel and he has a habit of switching everything back on me. At which point I can’t handle the conversation anymore due to frustration so I just leave
And you think that is ok in a relationship?

He is generally considerate if I’m ill, he’ll say to get in bed and he will do the washing/cooking, etc and will give me a kiss and a cuddle. I was off work due to depression a year ago and at first he struggled to understand how it effected my ability to function as a normal adult. Really trivial things, like before he went to work I’d say I would tidy the house but then couldn’t get myself out of bed all day. It took a while for him to understand it wasn’t laziness on my part
Generally considerate when you are ill? And you think that is good!!
Your bar is low.

This is so depressing. Is this what you want your life to be like op? Living in fear of your boyfriends reactions? In a healthy relationship this wouldn’t be an issue at all.

If the lack of a pair of fancy joggers is his worst trouble this Christmas, then he's a lucky person compared with what so many people are going through. He needs to get a grip and grow up. But he sounds awful and you could probably do a lot better.

The chances are my present off OH wont be here in time for christmas day his is here so i will have the pleasure of giving him something he wants and will happily wait for mine i wouldnt make anyone feel guilty because of late post mine is probably my own fault as i only decided two weeks ago what i wanted and i too would be rethinking my relationship if my Oh sulked over a a pair of joggers

@JupiterMoons9

We’ve been together for just over 3 years. No children (both mid 20s so not rushing anything). Most of the time he is a great partner, he is caring and considerate and he makes me laugh everyday. However, he does have another side to him where he can become grumpy, stubborn and childish. I’ve told him how it makes me feel and he has a habit of switching everything back on me. At which point I can’t handle the conversation anymore due to frustration so I just leave.

This man isn't a keeper.

You are only in your 20s. Please, please rethink this.

These character traits are the ones which will ultimately make life miserable.

Don't be there in 10 years' time, with two kids in tow, desperately unhappy and frazzled with pandering to a sulky manchild while trying to make a happy home for your children.

Leave!!!!!

@isseys4xmastinselcats

The chances are my present off OH wont be here in time for christmas day his is here so i will have the pleasure of giving him something he wants and will happily wait for mine i wouldnt make anyone feel guilty because of late post mine is probably my own fault as i only decided two weeks ago what i wanted and i too would be rethinking my relationship if my Oh sulked over a a pair of joggers

Yep, tbh most of the fun for me at Christmas is giving others their presents, not receiving them!

I love giving presents to DH and the kids. I'd never make him feel bad if mine hadn't turned up.

Sorry OP some people are coming off as being too harsh but I think their heart is in the right place. While reading your original post, I also had the same reaction because I have been in an abusive relationship in the past and 'walking on eggshells' was the feeling I got from your post.

I get what you mean about him having moods but at the same time you're not his therapist and all you can do is explain the situation and tell him that he's getting his gift when it gets there. No grovelling apologies or anything. It's a situation out of your control. If he makes you feel bad, please for your sake think how this makes you feel in the long-run. It obviously bothers you enough to talk about it openly.

Do you know, my 15 Yr old DS was supposed to get a PS5 as joint late b'day/early xmas present, I still haven't been able to get it.
He has some small bits wrapped up. He said the other day he wouldn't mind some new joggers so he picked them out online and I told him to do Next Day delivery, an extra £3.
Even he said why? Just do normal delivery and if they arrive late so what.
I would tell him in advance that one present will be late, but you really shouldn't have to be worrying about it

I hope somehow you get the package in time, afterall, OP.
I've received a delay notice before, but got it on time anyway.
Maybe you'll have a mini Christmas miracle.
✨🌲🎁🎅

Tell him to grow the fuck up! Unless My OH comes where I live with work he probably won't be getting his xmas presents until after Christmas Day due to us living long distance. Has he thrown a paddy over it no he hasn't because he isn't an immature twat.

I feel like crying as well OP but that's because we're in lockdown, my family live at the other end of the country and I don't know when I'll be able to see them to give them their presents. There are families much worse off than me but you and your fucking joggers aren't amongst them and I don't think it's harsh to say that.

Everything you say suggests that you have no intention of leaving him. That's a shame. But you'll have seen plenty of threads on here where women have lumbered themselves with a similar grumpy manchild. So you'll know your future. It gets noticeably worse after children and your earning power decreases.
Did you suffer with depression before you met him?