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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP present won’t arrive on time

159 replies

JupiterMoons9 · 22/12/2020 08:54

I ordered one of DPs presents (a pair of premium joggers) weeks ago but sadly delivery is delayed and won’t be here in time for Christmas. The situation is making me so anxious as I think he will try and make me feel bad about the situation. We set a budget between us which I went over and he still has other things to open but I feel immensely guilty and shit over the situation. I don’t know what to do. He is fussy with his clothing and these joggers were exactly his style. I don’t want to run the risk of ordering a different pair online and don’t fancy going to the shops. I could cry.

OP posts:
PeterPickerPacker · 22/12/2020 10:57

There are families much worse off than me but you and your fucking joggers aren't amongst them and I don't think it's harsh to say that

It is harsh because OP is clearly being emotionally bullied by this man into thinking this is a big deal.

I agree it's a massive overreaction but it's easy to see why she is overreacting. She's in a relationship with an emotional bully.

madmumofteens · 22/12/2020 10:58

Oh OP I really hope it arrives in time but if it doesn't there is absolutely nothing you can do! It is outwith your control be kinder to yourself and if he cannot accept that he is really not good enough for you xx

SueEllenMishke · 22/12/2020 10:59

My DH told me this morning that my present won't arrive on time.
I've told him not to worry as it's really not a big deal - especially this year.

He's sounds horrible.

ErickBroch · 22/12/2020 11:06

WTF. This is not normal! My DP would be happy with just me telling him or even writing something silly about them being on their way.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 22/12/2020 11:11

Have some fucking pride, woman and leave.

Why would you wnat to stay in relationship which makes you this anxious over delayed joggers.

Original poster
JupiterMoons9 · 22/12/2020 11:12

I don’t think there’s families worse off than you. I think you are the worst of the worst with your appalling lack of empathy towards others who are clearly feeling a bit shit, regardless of their situation

OP posts:
Saltycinnamon · 22/12/2020 11:18

Use this as a bit of a test - see how he handles it. If he makes you feel shit it’s time to re-think this relationship. Would you want your future children to be living like this? If you have children in the future how will he cope with slipping down the pecking order?

Original poster
JupiterMoons9 · 22/12/2020 11:18

Reasonable advice - thank you.

OP posts:
SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 22/12/2020 11:19

You may think some posters are being too harsh OP but they really aren’t.

Your partner wants his arse kicking. There are so many worrying about far bigger things than a pair of tardy joggers.

If he kicks off about this then I’d be wondering why I was spending my Christmas Day (or my life) with someone so childishly self absorbed.

Original poster
JupiterMoons9 · 22/12/2020 11:21

There’s people being harsh towards me which I don’t understand; labelling me “pathetic” because other people have it worse off. I’m not an idiot. I know in the grand scheme of things this is irrelevant and stupid but some people seem to believe they have a monopoly over being upset.

OP posts:
Original poster
JupiterMoons9 · 22/12/2020 11:23

Thank you for your lovely message x

OP posts:
MrsBobDylan · 22/12/2020 11:25

The joggers aren't the problem. The problem is that you have a partner who bullies you.

Tell him to jog on.

TheySayHurray · 22/12/2020 11:25

OP, the point is you shouldn't need to be upset about this.

His present is delayed. It's a non issue. The only reason it's an issue for you is because your partner is frankly, a fucking dick.

I don't think you're pathetic because quite clearly his emotional manipulation of you has caused you to feel like this is a big deal when it isn't.

But your partner, if he genuinely would make you feel bad about this, is pathetic.

Don't pander to it. Don't go looking for bloody gift boxes and all the rest of it. Just tell him it's delayed. His reaction would tell me all I needed to know. If he's an adult he should be able to accept it and move on!

Original poster
JupiterMoons9 · 22/12/2020 11:25

Thank you xxx

OP posts:
CeeceeBloomingdale · 22/12/2020 11:26

I would solve it by leaving him, he sounds like a controlling nightmare. I appreciate you don't want to hear this OP but it's not normal behaviour. If I were in the same circumstances I would just tell DH and he would say ok and look forward to them arriving whenever. Don't allow him to control you and don't allow him to sulk like a child.

Youseethethingis · 22/12/2020 11:27

My DH has been fretting that one of my presents hasn’t arrived, wondering out loud if he should cancel the order and try get it elsewhere. I know it’s not his fault, and also it’s not even a big deal because we are both grown ups.
Anyone who cares about you and had the slightest notion about the world past the end of his nose is going to say “thanks for the gift, it sounds great, look forward to it arriving” and get on with having a nice day with you.
Agree with PP. It’s a test. See how he responds. Hopefully enough posters have given you an idea of what the appropriate response should be. Expect nothing less.

ShandlersWig · 22/12/2020 11:30

This is really not a healthy relationship. Sulking if his joggers dont arrive?
I think OP you have a skewed idea of how relationships work if you think in any way that's a normal reaction from a grown man.

Original poster
JupiterMoons9 · 22/12/2020 11:32

I think you are right. My dad was horrible to me at times which has messed with my relationships with men and my self-worth.

OP posts:
Chamomileteaplease · 22/12/2020 11:38

Sorry if this has been mentioned but surely if you let him know that you did order it weeks ago and it is the covid post which has delayed it, then he won't be so upset. I mean that is different to if you had been thoughtless and only ordered it the other day, taking no care.

You had tried and had been thoughtful, that is the main thing Smile.

BakedBeeeen · 22/12/2020 11:39

You are crying and stressing about his reaction to something that is not your fault? Yeah that’s worrying. A partner is supposed to be supportive. You deserve better. And hopefully you have seen by all these messages that you need to recognise that you are worth more! Do not settle for this guy, it will only get worse.

Mrsjayy · 22/12/2020 11:40

I would tell him today that his jogging bottoms are unlikely to arrive for Christmas and see how it goes if he strops and huffs about it blaming you then sadly you have your answer you do not need to placate him or apologies to him for anything you did nothing wrong !

Original poster
JupiterMoons9 · 22/12/2020 11:40

Ordered in the 8th December with delivery expected to take 5 days. Thank you for making me feel like a nice person

OP posts:
LadyFlumpalot · 22/12/2020 11:42

He does sound a bit... mean. My "big" present for DH is currently stuck in Germany and I feel
A bit sad about it. However, I told him last night that it won't be here on time and he shrugged and said "oh well, not to worry."

TheySayHurray · 22/12/2020 11:45

@JupiterMoons9

Ordered in the 8th December with delivery expected to take 5 days. Thank you for making me feel like a nice person
Look at some other threads on AIBU as we speak OP. The post is severely delayed unfortunately and it's not your fault or anyone's! It's a weird year.

He will just have to get over it like an adult.

Sobeyondthehills · 22/12/2020 11:48

My DP's joint birthday and christmas present went out of stock when I was reaady to buy it, it came into stock a week ago and it arrived within a few days, However I was really gutted about it, but told my DP, I knew he would be a bit upset cause its a bit gutting, but he was fine, your real problem as I am sure PP on the other 5 pages have pointed out is your OH