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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want his adult kids round

182 replies

WilsonMilson · 22/12/2020 08:26

So, DH has 2 kids from his first marriage. They are both early 20s.
He wants them to come over on Christmas Eve to exchange presents etc.

Normally of course this would be absolutely fine, but because of bloody Covid they haven’t been here since summer (when it felt safer) and I’m really unhappy about it, but feel unreasonable as it’s his kids. DH sees them more often, but he meets them for hikes and cycling etc.!

The thing is, I know they have been out socialising and rule breaking and not paying a jot of attention to the rules. Covid has been rife in the workplace of the 2nd, and I’ve heard stories of parties etc.

I’m very anxious. I have been so careful and honestly just don’t want them in my house, it’s making me jittery and tearful to even think about it, which is probably pathetic but this is what 2020 has brought me to. I don’t really want anyone in my house at the moment given that mutant ninja covid is now spreading, and especially people whom I know aren’t being careful themselves.

DH is adamant they are coming, and I feel like an awful person to put my foot down. What would you do?

OP posts:

Flowerpot345 · 22/12/2020 16:26

He sounds really dramatic...
Don't feel you have bow to pressure OP.
They are adults, irresponsible adults at that.

Staffy1 · 22/12/2020 16:29

@ZenNudist

Are you both vulnerable? Trying to understand why you are so anxious. The hand wringing "I've heard talk of parties" makes you sound a bit ridiculous sorry. Just keep your distance when they come round.

There are so many comments like this on MN. Covid isn't just a problem for people known to be vulnerable. There are far too many people being hospitalised and dying from it that weren't particularly old or known to be in any way vulnerable. People are not being OTT or paranoid to be anxious about it, especially the new strain that spreads much more easily.

blueluce85 · 22/12/2020 16:33

How is this a 50/50 thread... Its against the rules full stop, YADNBU

Mittens030869 · 22/12/2020 16:40

@Staffy1 I agree with you. I also can't believe that some of these posters haven't taken on board the risk of long Covid. A lot of sufferers didn't have any vulnerabilities at all.

Flowerpot345 · 22/12/2020 17:23

I agree with Staffy1 a young relative of mine has it and cannot smell or taste, they are hoping it comes back as it doesn't for everyone.
I will be trying my best not to get it, to loose my sense of smell and taste I would utterly hate.
Let alone the other long covid conditions.

CorianderQueen · 22/12/2020 18:20

Why don't you ask them to get a test?

yeOldeTrout · 22/12/2020 18:23

Of course, if they were my children I would want to see them

I can't get past that confession. The rest is irrelevant to what you should do.

CorianderQueen · 22/12/2020 18:25

I also think you're far too scared. It's unhealthy.

billy1966 · 22/12/2020 18:42

My niece is in London in her late 20's and several of her socialising friends have had it.
Their sense of taste and smell has not returned.
She said they have said it is awful and their experience has certainly made others in their circle very careful.
6 weeks on, their sense has still not returned.

MzHz · 22/12/2020 19:25

My oh kids aren’t coming this year, they’re seeing their dm, and despite passing about in T4 and saying they’re getting tested before they go - everyone else reckons won’t be possible to do and get results back in time, but hey ho... they’ll probably go regardless and that’s up to their mother, but they aren’t coming here.

This new strain is far more stronger terms of transmission, I don’t want Covid, and I really don’t want long Covid!

Bring on the jabs!

MzHz · 22/12/2020 19:27

@CorianderQueen

I also think you're far too scared. It's unhealthy.

Erm no... being reckless is unhealthy. Let them self isolate before coming down...

He can meet them outsideif seeing them is the key thing here.

Icenii · 22/12/2020 20:41

It's hard and makes you feel awful. We are trying to arrange a present drop and it seems mine is still in a strop because they can't stay over and won't agree to a time.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 22/12/2020 20:46

I understand where you are coming from, l nearly bellowed 'could you get any fucking closer?!' at a little old lady in the supermarket earlier.

Just keep your distance, keep the windows open, insist they wash their hands when they come in etc. It might be against the rules but if he is determined, try to make it work.

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 22/12/2020 20:47

YABU. If my partner told me my kids couldn't come in my house I wouldn't have it. Like I know no matter what I will always be welcome in my parents house. If a new partner said I wasn't allowed I wouldn't be impressed. Unless of course they had health issues I could understand that.

Icenii · 22/12/2020 20:56

But it's the goverment saying they can't come.

Defenbaker · 22/12/2020 21:02

Aspiringmatriarch posted:

"Yanbu if they've been ignoring the rules. I wouldn't do it, the new strain seems to be particularly virulent. Would not be a nice Christmas present. I think you're going to have to put your foot down."

I agree. It would be different if they had been careful all the way through, but if they've been somewhat cavalier then it seems unwise to have them in your home.

Icenii · 22/12/2020 21:05

My DH is now saying for mine to come at 00:05 Christmas morning to stay.

TheySayHurray · 22/12/2020 21:26

@LoveMyKidsAndCats

So you'd go out partying and then expect to still be welcomed into your parents house possibly giving them Covid?

Bit selfish no?

PugInTheHouse · 22/12/2020 23:14

People are talking as if they are young kids on access visits, they are fully grown adults. They should suck it up like everyone else.

Snog · 23/12/2020 03:15

Say they can come over for 2 hours with the windows open to see DH but that you will stay upstairs as you don't feel comfortable with your personal risk. It's a compromise.

Sinful8 · 23/12/2020 03:28

@WilsonMilson

We have a garage, but I can’t imagine DH would be impressed if I suggested we sit in there. I wondered about sitting bundled up in the garden, but the forecast isn’t very good for Thursday.

Technically it is against the rules to have them at all as we are only meant to be socialising with another household on Christmas Day. We aren’t in a bubble with them as they seem to be part of a few other so called bubbles.

I’m not usually so anxious, but covid has made me a bit mental and I’ve got a couple of health issues that are ongoing - nothing that should make me more vulnerable to a a respiratory illness, but it’s heightened my fears.

Of course, if they were my children I would want to see them, and that’s where I realise I’m probably being unreasonable. I just think it’s an unnecessary risk at this point that we shouldn’t be taking.

But its not really a risk

MrsPworkingmummy · 23/12/2020 03:32

OP, you're not alone. My DH wants my DSC to come for a meal on boxing day despite it being against the rules. We are a tier 3. They are adults, but both DH and my MIL baby them; particularly since we had our first DC 9 years ago. The DSC are 25, 23 and 16. Legally, it's only the 16 year old who can move between parents and we see her more frequently anyway . The other two are in their own homes so the DSC alone make 3 households. I really don't want them to come as I am clinically vulnerable and spent the first 6 months of lock working from home . However, my dad and sister/BIL help with childcare and are in our house a lot with the little one. DH sees his own children coming as a necessity much like I've relied on my own family for childcare. We are both teachers too so he thinks if he's having to teach 800 students a week, seeing his own children doesn't add more of a risk. DH currently has CBT and weekly phone counselling and one of the reasons he has cited for this is he wants to see his two older children more (we last seen them in the summer). They used to live with us before they went to uni and he had custody of them from babies. I've compromised and said they can have lunch here (with windows open) but no overnight stays or long drinking sessions which is what they'd usually expect. It's a bloody mess and still against the rules but I think will be the best compromise we can get. Good luck op. Being a stepmum is crap at the best of times.

CareForNowt · 23/12/2020 06:49

But its not really a risk

On what planet is having two adults who've been breaking rules to go to parties, come to your house 'not really a risk'?

On the 'Step kids can do no wrong' planet obviously. Eye roll.

CareForNowt · 23/12/2020 06:51

@PugInTheHouse

People are talking as if they are young kids on access visits, they are fully grown adults. They should suck it up like everyone else.

Yeah but they are step children innit. Rules are different obviously, as per usual on MN.

luckylavender · 23/12/2020 06:58

I think you're being reasonable OP. It's against the law. None of this is easy.

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