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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it's fine for children to get joint Christmas presents

157 replies

PeterPickerPacker · 21/12/2020 16:45

Talking to a friend who was saying she thinks children should get their own presents separate from siblings.

I think, providing they are similar ages, it's fine for children to get joint presents at Christmas.

This year their main present is joint (games console) along with some other things like Lego sets etc...

They have some separate things too but a lot of it is joint. Children very similar ages (year apart).

OP posts:
HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 21/12/2020 22:44

I have a gap of 8 years and I do a joint present, and always have done.
They get their own stuff too but I really love to to see my DC work out how they'll share it and how they interact It's never been anything huge but that is down to budget constraints. I think the novelty is partly down to this being a rare event that they have something together and I try and build on that with an item that will naturally spark a joint or family activity, for example, this year I've bought Cards Against Humanity Family Edition. Past successes have been a popcorn machine and a snow cone maker. Getting easier now they're 12 and 20.

MiddlesexGirl · 21/12/2020 22:46

No problem at all. Can't imagine why it could be unreasonable unless the DC don't get on.

VixenBlitzen · 21/12/2020 22:57

Console is fine, you could get 2 controllers so they can play each other.

Personally I find smaller age gaps are more competitive. The intensity of rivalry and bickering drives me INSANE. Totally different experience to me and my own brother. Our family board games end up in tears. I give up.

midnightstar66 · 21/12/2020 23:00

Big stuff like consoles, garden equipment or cooperative toys like a big dolls house, absolutely. Lego sets no though. 3 is a crowd for that I think.

AldiAisleofCrap · 21/12/2020 23:04

The Lego set is for your dh then really not your dc.

k1233 · 21/12/2020 23:09

My sister and I are nearly exactly a year apart (birthday 10th and 12th of same month). At times we were treated as one person which was crap really. I don't disagree with joint presents like the console. But I do think it's important to recognise that they are different people with different preferences. What one likes / wants isn't necessarily what they other would want. That's important as they get older and you try to maintain the what one gets the other gets mentality. Being the youngest and second birthday, I tended to get things I didn't want as the eldest got what she wanted and I had to be given similar (I didn't ask for similar, parents just did it being "fair").

SquirtleSquad · 21/12/2020 23:16

Absolutely fine in my house
Our twins are 4 and are getting 3 big Lego sets this Xmas (the big electric train you can run from your phone, the airport and some race car thing). All Lego in our home is shared.
When they were younger one set of grandparents always got them a bigger joint gift in place of two smaller ones. From memory they've had the paw patrol tower to share and then a little paw patrol car each / the paw patrol boat and the paw patrol fire engine all as shared gifts.

alliejay81 · 21/12/2020 23:16

I've bought my DS and DH a Lego set between them this year. It's more one you look at than play with though (James Bond's Aston Martin). DS is getting the Lego Death Star for his birthday so I don't think he'll be deprived of Lego!!

BlankProfile · 21/12/2020 23:22

When I was a child a joint presents were used when my dbro wanted something expensive. So they bought that and then called it a joint present. So I'd get half of a thing he wanted, but I didn't. 😣

caringcarer · 21/12/2020 23:27

I think a large trampoline, garden climbing frame with swings and slide perfectly fine for sharing as both children.will enjoy it. A games consule is good to share providing you get two controllers. They can play against each other and they are so expensive. I would put a gift like this under the tree rather than in one stocking or another. Perhaps get them one game each that they could both use. This year I have got D's a huge cricket net and bowling machine. If I had another child similar age who liked cricket I would let them share it. As it is he will share it with his cricket friends. He does not know he is having it but our friends with child also in his team know and they say their son would just love to come to play together with it in garden. I think it is s good idea to encourage children to share their toys especially when they are pretty much indistructable.

Love51 · 21/12/2020 23:27

@k1233 I remember reading a book based on Cinderella like that. The wicked stepmother decorated her daughters' bedrooms and then told the Cinderella character that she had to have hers done the same so the dad didn't think she wasn't treating them equally as a way of getting all the lovely things Cinderella's mum had given her removed. The same does not mean equal!
We had a family shared computer, possibly around 1990. And table football, which is a but shit if you try to play on your own!
Mine had Hungry Hippos to share when they were small. I'm usually get them something to share, and I've just realised I'm not this year. No dvds, we have streaming now. I was going to get them Cluedo but decided against it. Mine are fairly ok about sharing stuff usually. As they are boy / girl they get given different types of stuff from uncles /class parties and I've always told the big one if she doesn't share her stuff I won't allow him to share his, so she shares.
They have both asked for the Guinness book of records this year, but one child is getting it, the other child is getting an annual he wanted. DD will have to share the Guinness records, but DS won't have to share the Pokémon book as the rest of us find it tedious!

AlwaysLatte · 21/12/2020 23:35

We did buy a joint console when they were younger but they've had one each since about 8 and 10. Lego definitely wouldn't do jointly unless it was one of those mixed tubs. Things we've bought jointly are trampoline, lawn tennis, snooker table, football goals - things that it would be impractical and unnecessary to have two of. We do buy them both board games but never the same one and they always go in the family board game cabinet for general sharing since they're multiple player things.

Yeahnahmum · 21/12/2020 23:41

I do joint presents to as my kids have the same interest and a small age gap 😊
Nonsensical that they only need stuff for themselves. Of couse they can have some stuff for just themselves. But nothing wrong with sharing. Ive always done it and my kids are always super happy and dont complain about it. I never got anything for christmas growing up and my kids know that too. Not every kid is lucky enough to get present /presents.

Witchend · 21/12/2020 23:43

It depends on how joint the presents actually are:

I hated joint presents, except jigsaws, which we always ended up doing as a family anyway.

I was the middle child so it was always me sharing with one of my siblings. We rarely (except jigsaws) got joint for all 3 of ours, so it was always me sharing with one of them, with the other having their own present.
These were the reasons I hated them:

  1. I had very different tastes to my siblings. If it was something one of us would love, then the other would be indifferent.
  1. I had a tiny room. They had much bigger rooms (mine was especially lovely actually and I was mostly very happy to have it). That meant any present, even if it was one I loved and they didn't, went in their room. Effectively that meant I had to ask permission to use it. They weren't allowed to refuse if it was mine, but they could say I had to wait for them to fetch it... which wasn't always "convenient".
  1. I don't recall ever having a joint present that looked more expensive/bigger then normal. I think it was often done as a "they'd both like this/haven't an idea for both" rather than a "they'll both love this and it's too expensive for just one.
  1. If I shared with the younger one, because I'd have to effectively ask permission if I wanted to use it, you could guarantee within 10 minutes that would be the only toy they possibly wanted to play with. Because they were better at bugging my parents than I was, I rarely got more than 15 minutes with it before it was "You've had ages with it, their turn now."
Older sibling was better although they did have an inclination to boss me about on how I "had to" use it.
  1. My siblings were rip the paper off and finish unwrapping presents in 10 seconds flat. I used to like to feel all the presents and open slowly. That meant when it was always considered I didn't need another to open.
  1. I was much more careful than they were with things. So once it had been used a couple of times by them it was normally missing bits or damaged. I was the child who had things in the original packaging and put it back each time. They were not!

So actually I would say that unless they are asking for a joint present, then don't.
I doubt my parents realised that I did miss out on joint presents (and looking back, yes, I did, it isn't a childhood "it's not fair") but it is hard to make it fair, unless it's something they both equally want and are able to genuinely share playing with.

Witchend · 21/12/2020 23:47

And just to follow up: I never complained at all, and I remember hearing dm telling someone how we loved sharing joint presents, so don't be convinced your dc are fine with it!

PaxMalmKallax · 21/12/2020 23:47

My ID twins have asked for completely different things, they have different interests. Equally they are each other’s best friend so will play with each other’s toys... they absolutely know who owns what! Which is good because I lose track sometimes!

Hill1991 · 21/12/2020 23:56

I remember me and my brother got a joint console as kids (never really bothered either off us), if it's a big Lego kit that they do with dad then I think that's fine it's a bonding experience for them all and it's a bit ridiculous to buy 2 and each do a it with dad separately.

Bocadilla · 22/12/2020 00:01

Definitely not. It’s important they retain their sense of individuality. For really big shared items like a trampoline fine but not Lego !

MustardMitt · 22/12/2020 00:43

Definitely not. It’s important they retain their sense of individuality

Oh come on. No one becomes a carbon copy of someone else because they’re occasionally bought an identical gift to someone else. How many kids get a selection box off all the aunties every year?!

Better to get different but it’s an irritation not an issue or problem if they don’t.

Original poster
PeterPickerPacker · 22/12/2020 06:58

@AldiAisleofCrap

The Lego set is for your dh then really not your dc.
Where are you getting this from?

I've addressed this a few times now. DH does it with them because they like doing it with him. He hates Harry Potter 😂 he isn't buzzing to get his hands on a Lego Hogwarts but he does it because the kids like doing it and they love anything HP. He's not even into Lego himself.

OP posts:
Original poster
PeterPickerPacker · 22/12/2020 07:00

It's like a Dad isn't allowed to do something his kids enjoy doing with him without it being 'for him'... I don't get where it's coming from? I've not suggested my DH is a huge Lego fan and forces everyone to sit round making Lego sets with him 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
PeterPickerPacker · 22/12/2020 07:02

We did buy a joint console when they were younger but they've had one each since about 8 and 10

Our share a room so not sure how separate consoles would work tbh. Unless they are supposed to each have their own TV on either side of the room as well.

OP posts:
Nonamesavail · 22/12/2020 07:45

I always do shared playdoh etc never had a issue

Notjustanymum · 22/12/2020 07:57

I always give a joint present to my neighbours boys - something they can play with together and also with their parents. This year it’s Buckaroo. I hope they don’t think anything other than it’s a nice thing to play together - when my kids were small it was a real treat to get a new game that everyone could join in!

RememberSelfCompassion · 22/12/2020 08:02

Maybe you ciuld get some smaller HP sets each as well. Then they can decide when they make them/have the sense of ownership and ask dad to help if they need to?