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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's fine for children to get joint Christmas presents

157 replies

PeterPickerPacker · 21/12/2020 16:45

Talking to a friend who was saying she thinks children should get their own presents separate from siblings.

I think, providing they are similar ages, it's fine for children to get joint presents at Christmas.

This year their main present is joint (games console) along with some other things like Lego sets etc...

They have some separate things too but a lot of it is joint. Children very similar ages (year apart).

OP posts:
unicornparty · 21/12/2020 21:50

Does the Lego get displayed in a communal area? I imagine it would get a bit awkward deciding whose bedroom it goes in once it's built.

DontStopThinkingAboutTomorrow · 21/12/2020 21:52

I envy those of you who have children who happily share consoles. I tried it, the bickering and sulking drove me insane. Now Disney dad furnishes them both with one

My mum sold our console (think it was called a Sony Mastersystem? It came with sonic anyway!) because my sister and I were fighting over turns. I don't really recommend this method, but it did at least stop the fighting...

Original poster
PeterPickerPacker · 21/12/2020 21:52

@PetertheWalrus

My DSis has twin boys. She had drummed it into all the family. "Get one EACH and FFS make sure they're identical!" YABU.
I think this is a bit silly tbh.

If I'm buying a big gift that they'd both like and want to play with, why would I get them two identical ones? Why is it terrible to expect siblings to share sometimes?

Again, they do get individual gifts as well. But I think it would be crazy to spend, for example, nearly £1k to buy two identical consoles just because my children couldn't be expected to share with each other. I'd be pretty ashamed actually if they were that incapable of sharing tbh!

OP posts:
Original poster
PeterPickerPacker · 21/12/2020 21:53

@unicornparty

Does the Lego get displayed in a communal area? I imagine it would get a bit awkward deciding whose bedroom it goes in once it's built.
They share a room, always have. We actually do have a spare room but they prefer staying together.
OP posts:
Chocolate1984 · 21/12/2020 21:54

I think it depends on the kids. We have bought a Switch for them to share this year. I’ve also bought them the Vtech globe to share this year because they both wanted it.

Nonamesavail · 21/12/2020 21:54

Mine share playmobil sets.

VixenBlitzen · 21/12/2020 21:59

Umm mine goes ballistic if you even give the other an extra chip, read a page more at bedtime or pick up a bigger conker. I recommend separate presents.

Erictheavocado · 21/12/2020 22:02

I don't see any problem with a gift that is genuinely shareable, such as games console, board games etc. I think it doesn't work when people do what my mil did years ago. Youngest (golden) child got a computer , at a time when home computers were in their infancy, so mega expensive. The two older children were given an LP record to share!

tiredqueen · 21/12/2020 22:04

I have a year between my 2 and they get a joint present and then a few smaller things for themselves. I don't believe in spending on "one each" for the sake of it though. Some things yes. In time they will need/want tablets/computer and it will probably be appropriate for them to have their own. But lego? Nah. That's a shared gift.

Original poster
PeterPickerPacker · 21/12/2020 22:05

@VixenBlitzen

Umm mine goes ballistic if you even give the other an extra chip, read a page more at bedtime or pick up a bigger conker. I recommend separate presents.
This is different though isn't it. It's them perceiving their sibling to be getting 'more' than they are.

Ours will happily share one bag of sweets providing they both get the same amount of sweets out of the bag, they don't need two bags, they just don't want the other to have more out of the one bag than they do.

OP posts:
Original poster
PeterPickerPacker · 21/12/2020 22:10

So yeah if one of them got what was deemed as a better present than the other, it would cause issues.

But no one is getting better than anyone else, they are just expected to share some of the larger items.

It depends what it is imo. Last year they got tablets and they couldn't reasonably be expected to share those without arguments over who's turn it was and so on. They got one each.

Things like a console (and the Lego in our situation) though. They play them together, why would I buy two identical ones of things they'd usually play with jointly?

OP posts:
bluechameleon · 21/12/2020 22:14

We often do something joint - they jointly own a toy treehouse, two large sets of wooden blocks and a Wobbel board. They are getting a marble run and a tent jointly this year. But they also have lots of their own toys. I like them to have some joint things to discourage then from being too territorial. It doesn't really work, mind.

VetiverAndLavender · 21/12/2020 22:14

My siblings and I shared a lot of toys, including Lego. It all went into the same bucket, and if we wanted to play with it at the same time, which did happen frequently, we somehow managed not to fight over who got which piece each time.

Given X amount to spend, would most kids rather have multiple identical Lego sets to play with separately or two different sets that would eventually go into a communal container? I'd prefer variety and a larger pool of pieces. Even if you're only buying one Lego set and spending the rest on something else they can enjoy, I think the principle stands.

BoomBoomsCousin · 21/12/2020 22:18

We have same-sex twins and sometimes give ours joint presents. Things that they will share like a games console. We also get family presents - board games, craft kits, etc. that we all do together. But we make sure they have some things that are their own too.

I tend to dislike it when relatives send joint presents because it’s inevitably the same value they send for just one of the cousins (and kids are old enough to clock on to that), it’s never something they would naturally do at the same time or take turns over, and it often only really caters to the tastes of one of them, so it does promote bickering, arguing and feelings of favouritism.

Twobrews · 21/12/2020 22:22

Ditto. I'm not setting them up with TVs each and all the rest of it 😂 personally think it's a bit much getting them a games console and TV each. When are children supposed to learn to share anything or play nicely together? 🤔**

Exactly, it's a shared console or no console.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 21/12/2020 22:26

Maybe because I was an only child, but I don’t really get the shared gifts thing 🤷‍♀️ I also have quite big age gaps so it very rarely would have worked for my kids. They both game but have completely different tastes in what they play, so a shared console wouldn’t really have worked. The only shared type gifts that I did were things like a family board game or wrapping tickets for a day out.
But if it works for other families, and parents and dc are happy, then why not? We’re all different.

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 21/12/2020 22:27

I have a 2 year age gap and they've had a few joint presents over the years. This year they are getting a joint sandwich/panini toaster Grin

One year they had a ps3 to share. Their Dad has bought them a ps4 this year as a joint present.
Board games are usually joint, although I'll often buy 2 so they open one each. I also started giving dvds as joint gifts when they went through a phase of not letting eachother watch "their" dvds Hmm

ItCouldBeBunnies · 21/12/2020 22:29

My two are getting a big dolls' house this year and it's a joint gift. They'll each get a pile of individual gifts but the big, expensive dolls' house that they'll both play with is a joint gift to share. If both children will benefit equally from a gift then it's fine to share. A big Lego set to do as a family sounds lovely.

2Rebecca · 21/12/2020 22:30

I usually got and received individual presents. When younger I disliked getting the same presents as my sibs unless something like a selection pack. It felt as though the giver saw us as interchangeable blobs not individuals of different ages with different interests.

DontStopThinkingAboutTomorrow · 21/12/2020 22:32

My DSis has twin boys. She had drummed it into all the family. "Get one EACH and FFS make sure they're identical!" YABU

I had two sisters and we had relatives who would never put any thought into the presents. "Ooh, we got them the same, because we don't want any fighting!" (said within earshot. Problem was, we were all such different people. My elder sister loved hair and make up things, I was a tomboy who liked outdoor things/sports and my younger sister was a real bookworm. So if, for eg my aunt got us all a make up set two would be disappointed.

Even identical twins have their own interested and surely much better to get each a gift of roughly the same value that both would enjoy and make it look like the giver put some effort in?

2Rebecca · 21/12/2020 22:32

I think if they have both asked for a dolls house that's fine

Frazzled2207 · 21/12/2020 22:35

Mine get mostly their own stuff but some joint. But close in age and generally share stuff quite well. Never occured to me that this was not ok.

2Rebecca · 21/12/2020 22:39

Mine never asked for joint presents and neither did my sibs and I. I wonder if this is more parents wanting their children to "play together nicely and share" than the children wanting to do this.

safariboot · 21/12/2020 22:41

YANBU.

Anything high value that can reasonably be shared should be unless you're made of money. (Though a previous person mentioned a laptop used for schoolwork - I wouldn't share that if I could avoid it.)

Some Lego sets have you building subunits that then all come together at the end so they'd work well to split, just have extra copies of the instructions on a computer or printed out.

FuckOffBorisYouTwat · 21/12/2020 22:44

My 3 are born 4 years apart. They had most presents joint and almost all toys until they were about 11 were shared. They shared a room and all toys lived in there. This resulted in few arguments as everyone got a go.
We still do joint presents (board games/Xbox games/art shit/some books) and they are teens.
Much less waste. Lots of excitement at what everyone was opening and they are very good at sharing stuff.