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Original poster

To lie to DD about her positive COVID result?

144 replies

selflove · 21/12/2020 12:00

DD (6years old) had a headache and temp on Friday, so I got me and my two younger kids tested. DD's is the only one to come back positive, so we have to isolate for two weeks over Christmas. I'm a single parent so we had planned on going to my mums, which is now obviously cancelled. DD is quite an anxious child and I don't want to tell her she's positive - I want to lie and pretend it's me. Is this the right thing to do? Can anyone see any obvious flaws in this plan?

She saw no one but me and her siblings in the three days prior to testing positive so no one else is affected or has to isolate. She thought we were getting tested because I told her it was a legal requirement to get tested if you want to see your family at Christmas, and although she knows she felt unwell on Friday she's been fine since so I don't think she suspects she has it.

I just don't want her to feel responsible for being the reason Christmas can't go ahead.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 21/12/2020 12:03

If she's only 6 just tell her the rules have changed (I'm assuming they haven't for you, so it will be a lie) and that's why you can't go.

I think she should know she's got it so she'll realise that she doesn't have to be scared of it

FallenSky · 21/12/2020 12:03

If she's an anxious child will she be worried that you're going to get poorly or that she will "catch it"? If so, perhaps telling her is the best option and explain that when she felt a bit unwell the other day that's why but isn't it wonderful that she's all better now.

Bunnybigears · 21/12/2020 12:03

As she is 6 and therfore not going to go anywhere by herself I don't see the problem. It would be really hard for her to know she was the cause of you all not seeing your family, even though obviously its not her fault. In your position I would probably do the same.

Aprilx · 21/12/2020 12:04

I guess so long as you inform whomever needs to know about your daughter, there would be no harm in telling her a white lie.

I know it wasn’t the question, but when you ordered the tests, it states to not order for family members that are not showing symptoms.

Porcupineinwaiting · 21/12/2020 12:06

I wouldnt lie. For one thing, you may still get sick in the future. For another, if she's worried about COVID generally she may be relieved to know that she's had it and is fine.

You dont need to frame it as changing Christmas because of her. You can say that it is because you need to self isolate.

Jobsharenightmare · 21/12/2020 12:06

I wouldn't lie because if she's anxious she'll be scared of you. Also if you get sick she might be astute enough to know you lied the first time.

00100001 · 21/12/2020 12:07

I wouldn't even mention the results tbh.

Just say that the rules have changed. Shame.

Gonkytonk · 21/12/2020 12:07

Just tell her the government have changed the rules and now you can’t go.

Don’t have her worrying about her health or yours.

year5teacher · 21/12/2020 12:07

Maybe say you both have it? Then she doesn’t feel responsible for Christmas.

Crowncan · 21/12/2020 12:09

I don’t see why you have to lie to her? Surely just tell her and reassure her that everything will be ok. If she’s been in school you will have already had to let the school know to get the rest of her bubble to isolate? After something like this there is always a lot of gossip about who it was who tested positive so it may get back to her anyway. Has her anxiety got anything to do with you being over protective in general?

wurlycurly · 21/12/2020 12:09

Some places have testing even if you're asymptomatic... It's just depends where you are

snookercue · 21/12/2020 12:11

It would be really hard for her to know she was the cause of you all not seeing your family,

What a bizarre train of thought. The DD wouldn't be the 'cause' Sad

OP I would tell her, give her lots of comfort stuff and reassurance that she is going to be fine.

Please don't lie to her

SpudsandGravy · 21/12/2020 12:11

I agree with a PP - just tell your DD that the rules have changed so that you all need to stay at home. Try not to make a big deal out of it.

IMO you shouldn't worry at all about telling a lie. You need to do whatever is necessary to deal with a difficult situation in the best way, so there's no moral issue involved. Think of it as a 'white lie' if that makes you feel better about it Thanks

RosesAndHellebores · 21/12/2020 12:14

Best way to turn an anxious child into a very anxious adult is to lie to them so they learn never to trust anything they are told.

00100001 · 21/12/2020 12:21

@snookercue

It would be really hard for her to know she was the cause of you all not seeing your family,

What a bizarre train of thought. The DD wouldn't be the 'cause' Sad

OP I would tell her, give her lots of comfort stuff and reassurance that she is going to be fine.

Please don't lie to her

But she might think that. She's 6 after all. I wouldn't put the potential feelings of guilt on a 6yo.

I'd either omit to tell her the results, and say rules have changed. Or say we're all poorly. 🤷‍♀️

00100001 · 21/12/2020 12:22

@RosesAndHellebores

Best way to turn an anxious child into a very anxious adult is to lie to them so they learn never to trust anything they are told.
Well, how and when would the child find out this lie? Or you can put this on a six yo who might feel terribly guilty about "ruining Christmas".

For the sake of a her anxiety, I would not be 100% truthful.

Girlzroolz · 21/12/2020 12:24

Lying in this scenario, in the way you’ve thought it through, is fine.

Anyone who doesn’t see the positive in this and other small departures from brutal truths either hasn’t dealt with an anxious 6yo in a very long time, or is such a ‘black n white’ thinker that they can be roundly ignored, in my book.

OP is clearly in a no-win situation, bombarded by pressure from all sides. If she gets a modicum of peace or actual Xmas spirit into her week with this strategy, I say go for it. Conscience clear.

If this thread offers some alternatives that work better for everyone, for the mid and longer term, so be it. But the lying itself isn’t a hanging offence. Good luck in this tricky week, OP. Wish you could have had a better, more supported, Xmas. x

Original poster
selflove · 21/12/2020 12:26

Yes - I think she will think she is the "cause" of us all missing out on Christmas and feel guilty.

I don't think saying the rules have changed will work. She's getting a skateboard from Santa and won't even be able to go outside to practice on it, and she'll (presumably) see other kids outside her window playing on the green outside. Equally, I have no Christmas food in so my mum is going to drop stuff on our doorstep - she'll wonder why Nana is allowed out the house and we aren't etc. And when she goes back to school she'll know her friends all had a normal Christmas. So I think I need to say that someone in our household has it, and I thought telling her it's me is the least worst option.

And to answer other posters; her bubble in school doesn't have to isolate. She wasn't in school the 3 days before developing symptoms, which is the time PHE use to declare a bubble closed.
And the poster who says "the rest of the family aren't meant to get tested if they don't have symptoms", I think the advice had changed. It told me I could do her test and up to 3 household members. It asked if the rest of us had symptoms individually and I said no for us all, and it gave us the test slots.

OP posts:
Grimbot · 21/12/2020 12:27

Agree with previous posters I’d say the rules have changed and unfortunately means we have to stay at home for Christmas but we are still going to have lots of fun etc. No need for her to worry if knowing it’s going to cause anxiety.

Viviennemary · 21/12/2020 12:29

I think you need to tell her. It's not her fault. But I'd say you'd all decided to cancel anyway. Lies need to be kept up and its too complicated.

OverTheRainbow88 · 21/12/2020 12:30

Yes I wouldn’t tell her she’s positive.

TheSmallAssassin · 21/12/2020 12:31

I would try not to lie, there is always something that won't quite ring true and I agree it might mean your daughter learns not to trust you, or her own instincts. If you were going to lie, it would be better to say that both she and you have it, so she doesn't feel like it's all her fault. She must know she's not been well.

winterbabythistime · 21/12/2020 12:32

If she's an anxious child then I wouldn't tell her you're sick, she'll just worry about you.
Just say the rules have changed again.
Why were you tested if you didn't have symptoms? Tests aren't accurate if you don't have symptoms so you could still be able to develop it.

00100001 · 21/12/2020 12:32

Well.. I'd let her go outside tbh. Just make sure it's a time when no-one else is around. I know you're not supposed to. But it will affect nobody if she's is playing on her own equipment in an open space with nobody else around.

You can explain the Nana not coming in by rules change. Or have Nana drop off after she's in bed.

DontStopThinkingAboutTomorrow · 21/12/2020 12:33

I'd just say you're now not allowed to go to your mums or to go out for a few weeks. No long explanations.
BTW, isn't it now 10 days not 14? (minor in the scheme of things but might be much easier to bear with children!)

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