To lie to DD about her positive COVID result?

[selflove]

DD (6years old) had a headache and temp on Friday, so I got me and my two younger kids tested. DD's is the only one to come back positive, so we have to isolate for two weeks over Christmas. I'm a single parent so we had planned on going to my mums, which is now obviously cancelled. DD is quite an anxious child and I don't want to tell her she's positive - I want to lie and pretend it's me. Is this the right thing to do? Can anyone see any obvious flaws in this plan?

She saw no one but me and her siblings in the three days prior to testing positive so no one else is affected or has to isolate. She thought we were getting tested because I told her it was a legal requirement to get tested if you want to see your family at Christmas, and although she knows she felt unwell on Friday she's been fine since so I don't think she suspects she has it.

I just don't want her to feel responsible for being the reason Christmas can't go ahead.

Why don't you say both you and she have it? Because if you say it's just you, and she's an anxious child, then she will worry about catching it from you and, god forbid, if she became unwell it would be a huge shock to her to find out she was positive all along (you would surely have to discuss her medical history in front of her).

If you both have it then you're both 'in it together' and it's no one's fault.

I would lie, but say that Mummy has seen someone who has had the illness so now we all have to isolate for 2 weeks.

If she is already an anxious kid:imagine how she wouldfeel if you say it is YOU that has covid? Shell be more worrried about you op as you are her mum.
Be honest about it but also casual. And re christmas; tell her there are thousands of people right now not being able to spend christmas together due to them having contracted covid and that although it is quite sad, you can stay home and watch nice Christmas movies and skype with nana and eat yummy stuff. And make a game out off nana coming over to drop stuff off. Maybe she can do some puppet show through the window ? I am not even kidding.

And never consider lying to your kid about it. Because she is 6. And she might be anxious but she is old enough to understand getting sick. And also she is old enough to realise that when you lie to her, she might start distrusting you next time.

And re her seeing other kids outside? Well. It is "only" 14 days (is it? Sorry i am not in uk) and youll be at home stuffing your faces with yummy food and drinks and movies and cuddles and puppy videos. And she can still see nan. Even though it is just through a window. Tell her maybe about other kids not being able to see their grandparents at all, and havent been able for over a year. And that she is actually lucky that she can see her nan. And that nan is bringing food so that that is a double bonus 😊.

Breathe op. Tell her. And talk about her feelings. Acknowledge them. Comfort her. And then pick up the pace and move on, because otherwise you enable the anxiousness.

Wishing you a lovely christmas. And a speedy recovery for dd.

Think this is a really bad idea, even if you could keep it secret from her and the school would be on board.

Fast forward to the next time she needs to go to the GP, and knowing her medical history will be important. You will not be able to control every time it needs to be mentioned as it will be relevant further down the road.

But if you don't want her to feel as if she's a burden, you could tell her she has a mild case?

Lying to an anxious child is a sure fire way of making them more anxious.

Tell her that one of you has tested positive so now you must all isolate. If she asks if it was her, be honest.

Absolutely! Just tell her you are going to spend a magical Christmas at home as the rules have changed! I have an anxious child too! He had a test last week - the thankfully negative! 🌸

I would tell her that you cannot go because the rules have changed

Follow the SI advice without explaining it all explicitly.

Tell her after everyone is safely recovered that she has had it (might stop her worrying in future)

Maybe you haven't got the results yet (so all isolating) and then try not to mention it or be blase in a couple of weeks " Oh youbdid have it after all, glad you weren't too ill"

@00100001

I wouldn't even mention the results tbh.

Just say that the rules have changed. Shame.

Perfect!

Some children can be good at spotting when adults lie. I had an excellent memory for things people said (I can still remember them thirty years later), and I sometimes caught my parents out. Lying in this way can do more harm than good.

Do what you think is right for your family op.

@Beautifulbonnie

I have an anxious 8 yr old. She hates sickness. Definitely has emtomaphobia. I think it’s called

That came from her sister being very poorly for many years.

But I’ve always told her. If she asks me a question. I won’t lie to her. You gain incredible trust by knowing a child can come talk to you and you’ll be honest.

If she finds out and it will be accidental. Then she won’t believe the things you’ll tell her. That’s just my opinion.

This. I honestly think parents who lie to their children like this do it because they can't cope with the child's emotional response. (I don't mean putting a positive spin on the truth which is fine obviously)

A parents job is to protect a child physically until they are able to protect themselves, and to help a child cope with the emotional ups and downs of life. Shielding them from every potential negative emotional reaction is pretty poor parenting in my opinion and is more about the parent being too upset to deal with their child's emotional needs than about protecting a child.

A child needs to be able to.completely trust their parents. I absolutely completely believe this.

I would tell her she had Covid and is now all better as most children are who get it. However you all need to stay home because it is possible some others in the house might also have it so you have to make sure that it doesn't get passed on to really old people who get much more ill from it. That is the truth and not at all blaming her.

I think it is important enough, and it might come up again the future as to whether or not she has antibodies etc., that you definitely should not lie about it. Also, as others have said, she may lose her trust in you if she finds out - which is really likely to happen. At the most I'd wait a few days if possible until she is completely over it, and then mention the results.

I agree bumblingbovine49 I have an anxious 11 year old and the one thing I have always told her is that I will always tell her the truth because she needs to trust in that. I will not always know the answers but I will always tell her exactly what I do know. Sometimes I may even be wrong but it will never be from lying to her

I cant always fix things for her or make things better because that isnt how life works but I will always make sure she trusts me when I do say things

Can you tell her you both have it?

I'd tell her and say that you also have it - what's to say you don't have it now anyway.

I don’t see why you have to lie to her? Surely just tell her and reassure her that everything will be ok.

THIS

(Sorry I don't know how to highlight)

Honesty, in an age-appropriate way, is always always the best policy.

But I think actually honesty would be best. It will be disappointing but won't come back and cause future problems, which might not be obvious now. Such as you getting it for real (hopefully you won't). Trusting you is going to her biggest source of support with anxiousness, so as hard as it is, I think you should tell her.

I’d go with the ‘you had it! Wow isn’t that weird because you were hardly ill at all were you?! But we still need to stay at home for a few more days while it leaves your system completely’ type response.
Don’t tell her you’ve got it. As an anxious child that would have worried me more than being ill myself.

It takes between 2 and 14 days to be infected. If sges been anywhere school for example you have to tell them so they can tell others.
By all means don't tell her but others need to know.

I would be as vague as possible saying that you all have to isolate until such and such a date, which you do anyway.

If she or siblings ask, say 'we have covid in the house so we need to make sure that it stays here and doesn't infect anyone else but we can speak to granny on Xmas day and see her .

I'd just say rules changed for now, and put off any questions if she does ask "not back yet" type answer. But I'd tell her in a couple of weeks that she had it. so she knows and then she doesn't need to worry.

I wouldn't lie. Taking on responsibility for things that are not your fault is how anxiety can go if you don't get trained not to, so this is a perfect opportunity to teach her about not taking on responsibility for things that are not your fault if she does. There is nothing she could have done to not get the virus. She can learn a bad thing happened, that you all coped with it, and that no one gets to blame her for things that are not her fault (I don't know how old the siblings are but if there is any chance they would blame her obviously ensure that is not happening).

At 6 she wouldn't understand she is the cause of the cancellation unless you told her. Just tell her the goverment said the visit can't happen - which is true just not explain why. But I think you should tell her thats why she was poorly but itsn't that great she is better now.

I would be honest. Our eldest tested positive and we had to cancel our holiday as a result. I told her the truth. Lies bread lies. She may feel bad for a while but distract her and reassure her. The benefit is, she’ll know she’s had it now, she’s ok and so are her family. That’s more important right? It’s about how you frame it.

Plus santa can still come anyway