To lie to DD about her positive COVID result?

[selflove]

DD (6years old) had a headache and temp on Friday, so I got me and my two younger kids tested. DD's is the only one to come back positive, so we have to isolate for two weeks over Christmas. I'm a single parent so we had planned on going to my mums, which is now obviously cancelled. DD is quite an anxious child and I don't want to tell her she's positive - I want to lie and pretend it's me. Is this the right thing to do? Can anyone see any obvious flaws in this plan?

She saw no one but me and her siblings in the three days prior to testing positive so no one else is affected or has to isolate. She thought we were getting tested because I told her it was a legal requirement to get tested if you want to see your family at Christmas, and although she knows she felt unwell on Friday she's been fine since so I don't think she suspects she has it.

I just don't want her to feel responsible for being the reason Christmas can't go ahead.

I would just tell her the truth. As the mum of a very anxious child I think lying just complicates things rather than helping them deal with things.

If she is astute enough to understand then I wouldn't lie to her.
She needs to know she can trust you at your word. She may hear you on the telephone or speaking to your mum about it then find out you were lying anyway.
My DS has a great sense of when people are lying and I want him to trust his instincts. It's a great tool to have throughout life. Unfortunately that comes with some hard truths that he doesn't always want to hear.
Let your daughter do the same.
Plan a nice stay at home Christmas then another Christmas just a few days later when you can all see each other. So you get double the fun . Put a positive spin on it and model positivity to her so she can copy it.
Be positive that's she got better quickly too.

I'd just say the rules have changed.

There may, however, come a point in the near future where she will find out she's had it (if testing is introduced at primary school for example, where retesting is not advised within three months for positive cases, or overhearing one of the many calls you will now receive from Test and Trace about her).

I have an anxious 6 year old but she feels much better when she knows all the facts. I would just be matter of fact. If she needs to see a doctor because of Covid she will find out that you lied.

I think you should say you all have it or might be carriers so you’ve all been told to stay in to be safe. I think saying just you have it might backfire. Sharing the burden by saying it’s a family thing not just because of her seems best to me.

My dd is 10 and I would lie to her as she would be horrendous. I would tell her a few days / week into it or afterwards and she would understand. At the beginning of an isolation period early December she was a quivering wreck when I needed to take her temperature. She's so terrified of being ill, always has been. As a toddler, tiny tiny, even when she fell over she would say 'no look mummy, I am fine' while clutching her leggings or skirt so I couldn't look to see if she had cut herself. She's a bit better in that sense now as I have explained how important it is to trust me with health issues and let me look. However with COVID, I would keep it under my hat unless she developed symptoms I think

Obviously you know your child best but children generally accept things. If she will question why your mum can drop food/children can play outside:
"You have a bug and we should stay at home to make sure Nanny doesn't get it. But she's brought your presents round and when you're better we can go and see her"
"You can't play outside because other children might catch it, but we can practise on your skateboard in the garden for now. Once you're better you can show them how good you are on it!" etc etc.

Only possible problem with telling her it's your positive result, is what happens 7f you get it fir real. They covid can be caught twice.

No you tell her, in the nicest way
DD you are not I'll now are you.
Well you know that nasty bug that scared you, well you have had it, your fine, but it means we just have to wait a bit for it too be safe to go and see Nanny.

I would tell her because otherwise she will worry you might get really poorly. And still worry that she might get it. At least if she knows she has it and her symptoms are mild that will reassure her she doesn’t need to worry?

Don’t lie.

Maybe just tell her that you have been exposed to somebody who has tested positive and so you have to self isolate. That way you are telling her the truth without letting on that it is her.

One of my DDs is anxious and when I tested positive (we were already isolating as I had been contacted by track and trace), I didn’t tell her until afterwards and as I only had a loss of taste and no other symptoms it reassured her that covid isn’t always as devastating as the news would have you believe.

@BreatheAndFocus

I think you should say you all have it or might be carriers so you’ve all been told to stay in to be safe. I think saying just you have it might backfire. Sharing the burden by saying it’s a family thing not just because of her seems best to me.

This is what I would do! I would tell her you've all tested positive, but not to worry you'll all be fine and you'll have lots of fun at home

Will she not worry more if she thinks it is you and you might get ill? Perhaps say it was her but now she feels better already. Others may yet develop it though.

I wouldn’t lie to my child. Knowing she is positive and it’s not the end of the world can actually help her. A person who’s ill is not responsible for cancelling anything. Especially you can always say the rules have changed. I do think lying should be the last resort.

@RosesAndHellebores

Best way to turn an anxious child into a very anxious adult is to lie to them so they learn never to trust anything they are told.

This.

This with bells on.

Why oh why do people not see the damage caused by lies?!

Just tell the truth and be supportive of her ffs

I think I'd probably say we've had it, getting over it but still have to isolate to keep nana safe. The royal we won't hurt.

Why don't you tell her that the tests were inconclusive so you have to stay at home because only people with a negative test can mix at Christmas? You can explain that if the liquid in the vial leaks or the swab touches your tongue or you haven't blown your nose well enough or you don't swab exactly the right place, the test doesn't work. Then she won't worry about you or her being ill.

Personally I’d be honest and reassure her that it’s mild in children, so much so that she’s now feeling all better. I think it’s really important to be honest with children and at six she’ll already pick up on so much and if she’s had it mildly this should reassure her. You could of course delay telling her her test results for another few days if you thought that would help. Re Christmas I’d either explain that you need to isolate or that there have been some changes recently and you’ve decided that it’s no longer sensible to meet with family. I still suspect that there is a possibility that there could be further changes to the Christmas rules. Either way I’d stay as close to the truth as you can though I can understand you not wanting to specifically associate the cancelled Christmas plans with her test results. You could explain that it’s to check that no one else in the family picks it up so make it sound more like it’s in case you’re carrying it which is still the truth but moves away from the focus on her results. I hope you all stay well.

I would just say that the results have come back and the whole family have been told to stay at home to be on the safe side. Just to make sure that nobody has got a bug. I wouldn't say that her test came back positive at all.
Tell her that you will all be doing XYZ nice things at home together and are going to see everyone in a few weeks.

Could you say you're still waiting for results and just put it off for now? Maybe tell her after Christmas she was positive but all fine now.

Why not tell her she had it and the test says she's better, so she must be very strong to have fought it so quickly. Then say that despite this, you all have to isolate incase any of you are carrying the virus and might pass it on.

I wouldn't lie to her, but this is because I know my own DS would have been infinitely worried if I had come down with Covid. At least when she knows it's her who has it, she has a little more knowledge of how she's feeling.

Reassurance would be a big part of this. Let her know that it doesn't make most people very, very ill, and she has you to look after her. Make lots of fun plans for Christmas Day - Hot Chocolate whilst watching Elf/The Polar Express/etc. Any other toys she gets that can be played with indoors? Play away - last Christmas, DS and I spent the entire day playing Trivial Pursuit , then on his PS4 together.

Yes, she'll be disappointed that Christmas has changed, but frame it in a way that isn't her fault. If she blames herself, remind her that people get poorly and it isn't their fault. Make plans to see those family members after her isolation period. But mostly, just try to enjoy Christmas.

Or, tell her that you have all had it, are now feeling much better but the rules say that the whole family should stay at home for a while 'just to make sure that it has completely gone'.