To lie to DD about her positive COVID result?

[selflove]

DD (6years old) had a headache and temp on Friday, so I got me and my two younger kids tested. DD's is the only one to come back positive, so we have to isolate for two weeks over Christmas. I'm a single parent so we had planned on going to my mums, which is now obviously cancelled. DD is quite an anxious child and I don't want to tell her she's positive - I want to lie and pretend it's me. Is this the right thing to do? Can anyone see any obvious flaws in this plan?

She saw no one but me and her siblings in the three days prior to testing positive so no one else is affected or has to isolate. She thought we were getting tested because I told her it was a legal requirement to get tested if you want to see your family at Christmas, and although she knows she felt unwell on Friday she's been fine since so I don't think she suspects she has it.

I just don't want her to feel responsible for being the reason Christmas can't go ahead.

Tell her the truth , adding " you're just a bit unwell, you'll soon be better, and having covid is a bit like vaccination; it protects you against getting it again. So that;s good".

I agree with the people who say please don't lie. It might make this one situation slightly easier, but long-term it risks her not trusting you, which in turn risks making her anxiety so much worse. Just be really matter of fact and relaxed about it. Every cold and sniffle has a virus behind it that has a name - usually we don't find them out - she's had a famous one!

As far as her feeling guilty is concerned - I agree that you can focus on rules saying you can't meet up right now, and make sure you talk about the virus as the problem, not "dd being ill", and it needn't occur to blame herself. Don't forget, every year loads of family Christmases get postponed or cancelled because someone in the family is throwing up due to norovirus. Not being able to meet up due to an illness is actually really ordinary even without a pandemic, and it will be good for your dd to see everyone coping with that with good humour, and enjoying the best possible backup Christmas, rather than treating it as a disaster.

We were going to stay at my mums big house (our own rooms each - it's their favourite thing in the world to have their own rooms for a few days usually), and now we're stuck in our 2 bed flat.

To be fair you shouldn't be doing that now anyway, so as far as that goes you can honestly say that the rules have changed.

yes I started out thinking it was responsible to lie, now I have changed my mind to build resiliance. how you tell the truth is important, so lots of treats and hot choc etc and as a pp said "wow! turns out you had it! but you're through it now, I expect we all had it really, never mind let's make this Christmas extra special as we are all so brave, how about we do the crackers early/have pizza/watch frozen again" or whatever.

Say you’ve all tested positive, or say all the DC have. I do understand your impulse, but my worrisome one would bottle up anxiety about me being ill so I don’t think saying you’ve caught it is necessarily the right call. You’re the only adult in charge and better not to put doubts there.

Hope you get a happy Christmas after all.

I definitely wouldn't lie to her. I also have an anxious child (he's now 16) - when he was young he needed constant reassurances about whatever I told him and always reacted best when he knew the truth (he someone always sensed when I was hiding something). So much of anxiety comes from not knowing or feeling that you're not being told the full story. Agree with other PPs that lying (even when it comes from good intentions) just feeds into the anxiety. She will cope with the idea that she has the virus.

As a way to make it feel like it's not her fault, I would tell her that although she has the virus, all of you have to be careful and safe and stay away from others. So as a family you have had to cancel the trip to see Nan.

Hope she doesn't have too bad a case and that you all stay well.

Say you've all caught it and you'll feel a little bit poorly but you'll all be better soon. Just reassure her.

That she did have it, but is obviously fine now, and they suspect we all might have it and we can't find out til after Christmas due to delays, so we need to isolate because of the rest of us. Or something.

This is true though that it is all of you who need to isolate not just her.

And to answer about Santa - he is part of the magic of Christmas and that is how I have always portrayed it and answered questions about. DD still likes to believe in the concept so we still put out stockings etc and write letters because it is part of the tradition of Christmas and in that sense he is real (if that makes sense)

A friend of ours had an inconclusive test and had to isolate for 14 days just in case.......

Don’t tell an anxious 6 year old the whole family have an illness that makes some adults panic when it’s not even true.

To the people who are suggesting telling her that the whole family has it- how long should they keep up the lie? The pandemic is a huge life event and people will be talking about it for years to come.

I have an anxious 6 year old and lying isn't going to help anything- once she figures out you've lied (by overhearing you talk at any point in the future, or you test positive in 2 weeks, the question is asked at school/ the doctors or other appointment) it'll just make her anxiety worse as she realise you're not always truthful.

My mum used to lie all the time and it didn't take long for me to figure out when she wasn't telling the truth.

Exactly nerr in order for children to trust us we need to be honest with them even if it makes things tough at that point it shows them they can trust us sign whatever is happening in their lives.

It also helps them build the coping mechanism at a time when we can support them as needed.

The problem would be if your mum mentioned it in the future and if you are happy to continue this lie in the future in any conversations you ever have about it. It might be easier than you think in the future to say in conversation to a friend ‘oh yes DD had it but felt well..’ etc. Also what if you come down with it in say 4 weeks time? Would you tell her you caught it again?
I think on balance I wouldn’t tell her anything unless she asked and would say you all had to isolate because it is the safe thing to do at the moment. And if she asks then be honest and explain that children tend to stay well and not get poorly.

This is why kids are such snowflakes these days, I wouldn’t even consider not telling her she has COVID, it’s not the end of the world just have a nice Xmas together if you don’t want to see the family because of it

Children have to know to trust us

So don’t lie

Tell her that she got the virus but she’s ok. People don’t die if young and healthy

But all have to isolate ; and now white lie as you haven’t got your results back

And if in future school friends get it she can know she’s safe

You should be telling the school. It is for them to decide on action re the bubble with PHE not you. You should also tell her. My 4yo knew she had covid and got on with it. I know you have an anxious child but you’re doing her a disservice by lying because she’ll pick up on things anyway abs then be more confused and anxious. You also need to be prepared that you could still get it and become poorly.

My dc would be more concerned about me having it than having it themselves, as they know it's likely to affect me more than them.

She's six. You're the parent. You're not keeping the fact that she's adopted from her, only a fairly minor thing, like the covid result, from her. You could say you all have it so she doesn't feel that she's some infectious person. She feels fine now, so unless she askes particularly, I wouldn't bother. And don't make a big deal of the self isolation. Nothing that will make her feel theres a problem.