12 year age gap

[Granolaslice]

He’s 43, I’m 31.

Is it too large an age gap?

Seems fine to me

No, not at all. I've known more than one couple with similar or much bigger age gaps who have been together a very long time.

It's fine, but if you both want kids you'll have to get moving soon because I'm sure it must be knackering to be a parent to tweens/teens well into your 60s.

No probably not. It depends on the individuals

No, it isn't too big an age gap.

Depends I think on peoples outlook. Overall I’d say no, it’s not too big an age gap. However I do think age gaps get more of an issue as you get older. I’m mid 40s, dh is late 50s. He’s looking at retiring in the next couple of years. I have 15-20 years of working life to go. He won’t have anyone at home to share his retirement with. Chances are I will spend my retirement either caring for him or alone if he’s died. Which is a bit depression and not something I thought about 20 years ago.

It is within the half plus seven rule so OK on those grounds.

It's too old if it feels too old for you. What do you think?

Do you both have kids? What are your financial situations respectively?

Main obvious issues are: he wants kids, you're not able to have them or its a decision you need to make v quickly. Longer term, different stages in terms of retirement, you would be going through menopause at a point where many of his friends may be having babies. But I think the main issue with that age gap would be expectations around children.

And, as awful as it sounds, if he decides at say. 37 that actually he's changed his mind its a lot easier for him to find someone else to have a family with.

I think it is getting close to too much of an age gap, not now but in the future. I was once in a relationship with a 14 year difference, which felt ok when I was mid 20s, but now I am 50 I am glad I do not have a DH pushing retirement.

Not at all. If you are similar and have the same outlooks and views then theres no reason it would be a problem

@nosswith

It is within the half plus seven rule so OK on those grounds.

I hate that "rule" often spouted by dirty old men in their pursuit of younger women. Would a 52 year old really want to hook up with a 90 year old?

I've got a 15 year gap so no not too old imo.

He has no children
I have one son

Definitely not. Don’t worry.

A 12yr gap is creepy when the younger party is 18ish, but you’re 30, you’re mature and you know what’s what.

PPs’ comments about children are correct but at 30 you are probably ready anyway.

It would be pushing it for me, personally, but if you're okay with it OP, no one else's opinion matters.

I am 48. DH is 60. He's often mistaken for someone at least a decade younger. That's because he has a younger wife keeping him on his toes . Joking aside, DH is fit, runs regularly, cycles and walks loads. He always has and it means the age gap is less noticeable. I do worry sometimes about the gap when I'm 65 and he's 77 though.

Heydoggie try reading the OP again

25 years between my best friend and her husband. They’ll have been together 25 years next year ❤️

@nosswith

It is within the half plus seven rule so OK on those grounds.

I've never heard of this, but half my age + 7 gives me my partner's exact age. 😂

There's no right or wrong answer to this. I married someone 10 years older when I was 30 and it was a disaster, but my best friend married someone 11 years older and they're still going strong. It wasn't the age gap that made him an asshole.

Not a fan of big age gaps I must say. I suppose it depends on the person .

Women tend to be much more mature than men.

Are you happy? Do you want the same things?

My partner is 20years older than me! We are really happy. We want the same things.

My grandma and grandpa were 12 years apart and they lived happily. I am 9 years younger than my DH and we're very happy. The only thing I live with is the fear that I'll have to live the last decade of my life without him.