12 year age gap

[Granolaslice]

He’s 43, I’m 31.

Is it too large an age gap?

Yes it is. I had an 11 year age gap and got dumped at the menopause after 20 years of marriage.

My parents have a 13 year gap. They've had a mainly brilliant 40 year marriage, but Mum is finding it much harder now Dad is in his 80s and she's still in her 60s.

No it’s not. I was 28 when I met my DH, he was 39. We have been married 30 years.

Incredibly ageist and sexist posts on this thread. You can’t generalise about men over 65 limethat and would be outraged if a man did it about women.

I'm 12 years older than dh, he was 24 when we met and as I was 36 it seemed to offend lots of people! We had to grow very thick skins for the first year and were both irritated by it, as we suspected that if it was me that was 24, he would have been congratulated
11 years on and we've been married for 7 years, I don't think people really remember that there is an age gap, I've aged well and unless you knew us you wouldn't realise these days!

@BillieSpain I'm sorry about your situation but your post is full of sweeping generalisations.
I can think of many men over 65 who are decent, kind and loving partners!

@CounsellorTroi It is not sexist or ageist it is answering the OP truthfully about age gap relationships.

Men at 65 who married younger women are a certain breed, I have discovered to my cost.

I know many older men of this age married to same age women who are completely loyal to their wives/kind all fine.

I am neither ageist or sexist thank you. I simply have experience and my opinion.

Age gaps works, but only for so long.

@Newjez

Women tend to be much more mature than men.

Bloody hell

@Littlefluffyclouds13 see above post, it is about age gap relationshipe only.

Also PP's are correct, you will be a widow or a carer,

Not NOW, LATER on.

Given a random choice, I'd rather have a 12 years younger man than 12 years older, since men seem to age quicker than women and they definately die earlier.

But I don't think 12 years is an age gap worth bothering about, unless it bothers you.

@BillieSpain my DH is 70 and I am 59. As I said we’ve been married 30 years and he is still the lovely kind thoughtful man that I married. There was a similar age gap between my parents and although my father died in his late 60s my parents had a very happy marriage.

You’ve got your experience, I’ve got mine.

No, my husband is 20 years older. We've been married 15 years and still v happy!

Also PP's are correct, you will be a widow or a carer,.

This could happen if you married someone the same age or younger.

Emmm no - 11 years between me and my husband - but he was at the same stage in his life as me when we met 12 years ago - that makes a difference I think! We were both on same path, wanted to travel, wanted to move to a new city, wanted the same things from
Life and had same time line

@CounsellorTroi I wasn't talking about a 10/11 year age gap and you are much older than me.

I am glad you are happy. Your age gap is really not much IMO.

My DH is 21 years older than me. Been together 29 years. Extremely happy.

[quote BillieSpain]@Littlefluffyclouds13 see above post, it is about age gap relationshipe only.

Also PP's are correct, you will be a widow or a carer,

Not NOW, LATER on.[/quote]
My aunt was 8 years younger than her husband. He outlived her by 20 years.

You can’t live your life on what’s ifs.

@BillieSpain you said

Men at 65 plus are indeed horrible. Mean too.Before that, no probs.

That is a sweeping generalisation.

No, but it depends on your atttiudes to life/political compatibility etc.

Is he older and more set in his ways? Are you young for your age? Do you like the same music, tv, books. You don’t have to, but it may indicate how compatible you are long term.

My aunt is 14 years older than my uncle: she’s in her 80s now and they’re still liked loved up teenagers! Age doesn’t really matter once you’re over about 25 - but just make sure you want the same things.

My mouth is literally hanging open at what I’ve just read.

‘Men over 65 are horrible’?

Fucking hell.

Yes, it is.

@madcatladyforever

Oh sorry it's the other way round. 60 year old blokes are really awful, something happens to them at 60. Also you will end up looking after him in his old age while you are still young. I won't date men in their 60's and I'm only 58. I know he isn't that old yet but be warned.

Bitter, much?

My exh is 12.5 years older than me and IMO the age gap was too large because it contributed to him being controlling / always right. Though I am sure he was probably like that anyway. He also lost all interest in anything physical and I spent the last many years of my marriage very lonely. But then again maybe we just didn’t get on any more.

Am now divorced and much happier. He used to not speak to me for weeks and I also walked on eggshells around him (this is a separate issue to our age gap).

Am now 51 and seriously doubt that I will meet anyone else (sadly), but if I ever do I would be looking for someone who is much closer to my own age.