Thoughtless gifts

[MrsHugsxx]

Fully expecting to be told I am unreasonable on this one but would like others thoughts. We met up with my mil yesterday and exchanged presents and opened them after she left. Now I will say I am not materialistic at all. I like nice things but I'm not obsessed by it and I know that some people don't have a lot of money. I'm not flushed myself.
I received a deodorant wrapped up and my DH received a pair of socks. The kids each all received a card game and eldest DS got a toy car. None of these gifts were age appropriate or had any thought put into them. It is not about the money but it has just annoyed me I suppose that she has just picked up the cheapest things she's seen and thought " that'll do". Again it's not about the money, but the thought that goes into giving gifts that I think is important.
We didn't spend a lot on her, we got her a bottle of the alcohol she likes and a couple of little things that we know she likes. But she must have known that the gifts she got us were unsuitable. Reading this back I know how I come across, but honestly, she's their nan. It made me feel as though she doesn't care. It's the thoughtlessness that bothered me, not the lack of an expensive gift.

I once got a used candle from my MIL. And called her out on it in front of 15 people. It was the culmination of years of snide comments and actions and my dcs treated differently from other grandchildren.
I never visited her again and didn't attend her funeral either.

@mummyof2lou

A relative got my husband an executive ball scratcher....as we presented them with a champagne afternoon tea for two voucher at a nice venue. Awks...

Jesus. What a kick in the teeth

My MIL is very sweet and we have a good relationship but she's rubbish at presents.

The year my sister died from her alcoholism she got me an I ❤️Gin keyring. I've had second hand incense burners (the cone shaped ones from the 70s) and a pair of child's burgundy Magic Gloves. Those tiny ones that stretch to all kids hand sizes. Not adult ones though.

My MIL can also give rather random gifts, however the year she gave me back the candle I had given her the year before was quite good! At least it’s something I really liked even if she clearly didn’t !!

I've always had quite nice presents from my BFs/DPs parents. I feel very lucky! My immediate ex's mum was always very thoughtful and clearly chose with love even if the item wasn't ideal. I got a garnier gift set with Bb cream about 4 shades darker than my face for my birthday one year - I'm very blonde so I looked like a poor man's Paris Hilton when I tried it!

One year DH gave me a Jeremy Clarkson book (wonder who he thought would read it?). Another year I'd asked for a nice watch and got the DC to wander around muttering Cartier Tank at random moments. He bought me a Nike sports watch (not even a Garmin...). Fortunately I had seen the order confirmation on Amazon so had mastered my disappointment enough not to cry when I opened it.

I agree, OP. Sending a thoughtless gift is like saying you don't care about the recipient. It's pretty passive aggressive.

Re Boots gift sets. If I got one I’d assume that the giver bought it in January after following those tiresome Martin Lewis ‘get all next year’s presents for 75% off’ instructions. Smacks of ‘can’t be arsed thinking of something you’d like’ and ‘preserving my money is more important than what you might like so it’s a Ted Baker set containing a shower puff for you’.

Before anyone jumps in to tell me that some people are poor etc etc I’m with the posters who would sooner receive nothing, or something small.

@Iamthewombat Well, not everyone DOES have the money to spend on gifts. And some people are really hard to buy for. For example my FIL has interests that I know very little about (hunting and fishing) so if I tried to buy him bits and bobs for those then I'd likely get the wrong thing, or he might already have it. So I just get him a nice bottle of whisky usually.
IMO Christmas gifts are for children really. For adults a token is enough.

Well, not everyone DOES have the money to spend on gifts.

Agreed. That is why I said that I’d sooner receive nothing, or something small, than a 75% off Boots gift set into which no thought has gone.

Also, don’t delude yourself that the people poised like coiled springs waiting for 75% off are all poor. Quite the opposite, I imagine.

And some people are really hard to buy for.

Does that mean that they are condemned to a 75% off Boots gift set?

My MIL once bought me a set of 3 Christmas-themed tea towels. Because obviously, all domestic chores are mine and everyone likes using a tea towel with a giant Christmas tree on it in August. I ended up 'accidentally' ruining them when decorating. Such a shame.

Some people are rubbish at giving gifts. My grandmother once wrapped up a pair of her used tights for me as a gift. I was 8.
We laughed about it as a family. We loved my grandparents, but knew not to expect anything.
This is a learning opportunity for your kids - how you react will be how they react and they will learn life skills here if you react in a way that teaches them resilience and to love their grandparents without expecting gifts. They can learn that people show love in different ways and some don’t show love at all! (That may be the case) But we get over it and move on without it being a big deal.

Some people are rubbish at giving gifts. My grandmother once wrapped up a pair of her used tights for me as a gift. I was 8.

That is hilarious I laughed out loud

The first year of our married life together, first Christmas as it were, our Best Man bought me a little 3 in a row tea lights, in a holder. From Tesco. Not even nice smelly ones. He hadn’t bothered to wrap them. We got married in Scotland and DH and I bought Best Man a bottle of his favourite scotch whiskey that he’d enjoyed at the hotel 😐

@cherryunripe

My MIL used to buy me a pack of American Tan tights every Christmas. Wrong size too. And a black jumper as well. Never wavered. My husband got a C and A jumper which she'd stocked up on when those closed down....when she died we found about 15 more ready for the following years. The DC would get bras one year and a Barbie the next. We grew to find it so funny and always opened them on Christmas Eve. Loved them in their own way. We miss her gifts now she's gone.

This is absolutely my favourite story.

I'm having an absolute rubbish day and reading all these have cheered me up! So thank you all 🍷

DH's uncle bought everyone mouthwash last year!

Other family member likes to buy the same thing for a few years running, Christmas and birthdays. But it gets a bit tedious when your birthday is only a few days after Christmas. I ended up with 8 bottles of the same perfume. It was ok, but not how i wanted to smell for the rest of my life.

Always used to get cheap makeup sets from some close family friends. The sort with 50 eyeshadows for £2.50, they would have zero pigment and just be a slightly glittery smudge. Oh and have those awful applicators where you could actually feel the plastic through the sponge. It wasn’t a question of money, as they’d each (there were four of them) spend about £10 each. They were definitely about quantity over quality. I’d rather have had a £10 voucher from each to spend on some decent quality stuff.

I remember my mum used to be all “Ooooh, you won’t need to buy makeup for ages now!” and I’d roll my eyes. I did say to DM one year that I’d rather have vouchers and she said “But they get you stuff you like!” and I had to say that it was really poor quality and I’d never use it, I’d much prefer the type of stuff they had in Debenhams etc. or even Boots 17.

They only shopped in their very small local town which didn’t have department stores and the Boots was tiny so there wasn’t really anywhere to get decent presents. They used to get us lovely stuff when younger as the DM worked for a catalogue company and would get us nice clothes and toys.

One year when I was about 20, I’d set my heart on some GHDs. Told my parents, went on and on about them for ages. On Christmas Day, I unwrapped the Babyliss Steam Shot. I don’t think I hid my disappointment that well as I was devastated that they just hadn’t listened. They were no good for my hair type (humidity makes it frizz) and were fiddly to use. Again, it wasn’t money that was the issue as I had other stuff as well that totalled more than GHDs (I think they were about £80-£100 at the time). I’d rather have just had the GHDs and nothing else. I bought some myself as soon as I could and hid them in my wardrobe.

My parents weren’t being malicious or tight; they genuinely didn’t see the difference between something costing £20 and something costing up to £100 when “they do the same thing”. Someone they knew had got them for her birthday and said they were as good. However, she knew how to blow dry her hair and style it nicely. I’ve always been crap at doing mine, hence why I need decent styling tools!

Love this thread.. a deodorant and socks ?? Mouthwash ?? This is hilarious. I find people like this embarrassing. I would never gift someone shit like that. I would rather not get them anything at all to be honest. What about a nice candle. It doesn't have to break the bank, but a deodorant ?? It's outrageous. It's not about the money honestly, but some stuff bist can't be a gift. Even some tea lights, anything ! But not a deodorant and mouthwash.

I agree, OP. Sending a thoughtless gift is like saying you don't care about the recipient. It's pretty passive aggressive.

I think that this is over-harsh in most cases. Some people are just not good with gifts or are generally a bit lacking in 'good taste'. Unless people are deliberately sending a gift to suggest that a person should change their habits or appearance (yes, it happens!), or disregarding the recipient's expressed wishes to get no gift or a different sort of gift, I wouldn't call it passive-aggressive.

The weirdest experience I had was as observer, not recipient - and in fact the bad gifts were merely suggested, not given. But....! Quite a few years ago - before the Internet, online shopping and social media - a couple of mutual acquaintances only found out at 7 p.m. that it was my cousin's birthday. Tjhey insisted that she must get her present from them on the day, and the only nearby shop that was open at that time was the pharmacy. In the end, they got her a soap-and-scent set from the aforesaid pharmacy - probably not her dream present, but OK for her. But before that, they suggested a particularly garish lipstick. I pointed out that she never wore that sort of lipstick, and they exclaimed: 'But surely the whole point of a present is to get someone something that they wouldn't get for themselves!' They must have enjoyed my rather horrified expression, as their next suggestion was Brylcreem!

Bloody hell OP! I though you were going to say she gave you something generic like a body shop pack or a bottle of wine but a bloody deoderant?! That said it makes for a bloody hilarious story.

My parents used to have a really cheap friend and we'd always look forward to seeing what absolute rubbish she'd gift us. One year she gave us what looked like quite a nice jar of jam, we were surprised and felt a little guilty for assuming it was going to be shit. When we opening it we realised the jar was only 2/3 full (she had taken the trouble to carefully flatten the top out so it was less obvious).

Just to be clear she was actually well off - had a huge house and car so it wasn't like she couldn't afford a normal gift.

Once I was given a book called 'better yourself' from my inlaws. I felt like re wrapping it for her the following year!!!!!

If anyone is enjoying reading about rubbish Christmas gifts I’ll go off tangent slightly and tell you my most hilarious bad non Xmas gifts. The best was when I was in hospital (on bed rest as my placenta had ruptured at 28wks) and was so bored, I asked h to pop to a bookshop and get me in a book or magazine to read. He came back with a book on the history of the AK47. Then when I said I wasn’t remotely interested in that he proceeded to sit and read it himself in the chair next to me, ignoring me for the whole visit, then taking it home to finish it.

For my birthday once he bought me a book on the history of electricity.

😂😂😂😂😂