Thoughtless gifts

[MrsHugsxx]

Fully expecting to be told I am unreasonable on this one but would like others thoughts. We met up with my mil yesterday and exchanged presents and opened them after she left. Now I will say I am not materialistic at all. I like nice things but I'm not obsessed by it and I know that some people don't have a lot of money. I'm not flushed myself.
I received a deodorant wrapped up and my DH received a pair of socks. The kids each all received a card game and eldest DS got a toy car. None of these gifts were age appropriate or had any thought put into them. It is not about the money but it has just annoyed me I suppose that she has just picked up the cheapest things she's seen and thought " that'll do". Again it's not about the money, but the thought that goes into giving gifts that I think is important.
We didn't spend a lot on her, we got her a bottle of the alcohol she likes and a couple of little things that we know she likes. But she must have known that the gifts she got us were unsuitable. Reading this back I know how I come across, but honestly, she's their nan. It made me feel as though she doesn't care. It's the thoughtlessness that bothered me, not the lack of an expensive gift.

My mum buys utterly rubbish presents. But she’s helped me out with big purchases and other things over the years, for no apparent reason, so what does a Xmas present matter..

Oh god my Mil gave me a present last year for the first time ever in 11 years.

We actually all crowded around to see what it actually was.... It was of course something she'd bought her self and didn't want, then re gifted to me.

A 3 pack of thongs complete with £1 label.

I was due any day with the last baby and a size 14 she's an 8 🤦🏽‍♀️.

My sister's mother-in-law bought her a box of tissues for her Christmas present 2 years ago and last year a pair of her own earrings 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣 Both wrapped.

@MrsRogerLima @Mycatismadeofstringcheese
The gift giver put the 2p in the purse on purpose. It’s called handseling/hanseling. In Ireland in any case, people of my mother’s general (born 1934) would always hansel a new handbag or purse for good luck when giving it as a gift. I received the gift of a nice evening bag from an aunt a few years ago, hanseled, of course.

I just looked up hanseling for you and saw it is also a Scottish thing and that there is even Handsel Monday. Also etymologically it is from the Swedish for a gratuity handsöl.
In business, the first payment you receive when you start a venture is the hansel, etc.

www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/handsel

“The custom was also known as “handseling a purse”. A new purse would not be given to anyone without placing money in it for good luck.”

For 3 years in a row my PIL got me size 5 slippers
I am a size 7. I have never worn a pair of slippers in my life.
Year 1 said nothing but they clearly didnt fit. Everyone had a bit of a laugh
Year 2 said they didnt fit. Was told that no-one could have size 7 feet as it was uncouth and I must be wrong
Year 3. Took them back to the shop. They had been bought on a credit card and so we didnt get any money back but it was worth it
Year 4- got cash

25 years later- still get cash (the same amount £20- they have 3 homes)

@BigSisLittleSisCardboardBox

Lol

My MIL and family give gifts like this. There is no malice in it and I wouldn’t describe them as thoughtless, just a different kind of present giving ethic. My family have less money but we all try to give each other things we’ll really like. From the in-laws, I’ve had “interesting” tea towels, eco friendly deodorants, unusual wooly hats, books on subjects I have no prior interest in, odd practical gifts like crampons. Sometimes they give amazing gifts though, like a new food mixer or last year, MIL gave me the super free make up bag Clinique gives away sometimes when you purchase so much worth of stuff. I know it was a freebie, but I hadn’t had new make up in well over a year, so I was chuffed.

Dont you think your mil should of just gave it you though ? The Clinique make up bag that she got as a freebie and not made it a gift. She got it as a free gift. I get them sometimes and the ones I don’t use I just give to my mum/sil. I wouldn’t dream of giving it as a actual gift!

“mother’s generation”

Nothing since though so at least be glad she bought something

It’s not a race to the bottom

@Tipster100 Sorry what? Howling at this 😂

My MIL has definitely weaponised present buying for me. She doesn't ever buy me a birthday present, as she claims only to buy for her immediate family.

I do get a Christmas present and I love finding the not so subtly hidden insult/snub in it. I'm veggie, so it could be something with meat in. Or an item of clothing waaaaay too big or small. Or something just weird. I got a pencil on a chain one year, to hang round my neck.

We sent my PIL 96 rolls of Andrex gift wrapped by amazon this year

I got dh some socks this year (we don't do gifts normally - but it was a small company struggling to survive) - I got his initials embroidered on them, he'll love them - he has everything but he loves special socks - the chilli socks dd bought him last year were genuinely loved. My mother asks us to buy her shower gel. I still think gift giving is mostly thoughtless, pointless and should stop!

I got a bra from my mil. Size 32b. I’m 36d. She had helpfully sewn some sort of bra extender on the back. But still.......

My ex MOL gave us a framed photo of herself one year, to think that I thought the tea towel or bastard ornament was bad 🥺

Get the tight cow some Tena ladies or something from Poundland.

But wrap it beautifully so she will have the high and the low in quick succession.

My SIL gave us framed photos of her children for 16 years (school type ones)

My friends MIL bought her a pair of gloves and nail polish... she was born without her right hand. We still howl about it now

My FIL is the random gift giver in our family. I guess MIL used to buy all the gifts and post divorce his cluelessness shows

I have received
A children's pop up book about sheep when in my 20s before we had kids
A device for dispensing string (just why?)
A knit your own scarf kit although I have zero interest in knitting or any craft

The best was the most hideous novelty clock in the shape of a camel carrying some bananas! Even worse it's leg had snapped at some point before we received it and been glued back together really badly.
I have no idea where you can even buy something that tasteless

Is she trying to tell you smell or something OP? At least socks and deodorant are useful I guess. The kind of gifts I hate the most are giant novelty gifts that are both ugly and serve no purpose.

I used to be a teacher many moons ago

I moved to a very affluent school. I used to regularly get framed pictures of the individual children as a gift from them.

Reading this now it's not that far off to wonder about dementia etc.

My mums, mum recently was diagnosed with it, but thinking back around 3 years ago she got me a pair of jeans from the primark kids section size 6-7, my brother got a doll or something and my other brother got a painting set.
I think we was 24,21,18.

My mum got some tea towels and some biscuits with teeth marks, but that's normal from nan to her so no issue there.

Goodness, so many dreadful gifts .

Can't complain here. MIL is super-generous and thoughtful with presents for DS. She even independently picked out the present I'd recommended that my own mother buy DS for Christmas this year. Luckily she checked with me first and was happy to buy something complementary to it. She always gets me something thoughtful and it's usually not far off the mark, which I appreciate since we have very different tastes so I know she's put a lot of effort into thinking about it. Her present to DH is usually something nice and expensive for our home that will be appreciated far more by me than DH.

My own family are more hit and miss but mean well so I just find it funny, especially as we spend a lot less on gifts than ILs so the disasters don't matter so much .

Worst gift I ever got (and I won't say who this is from) was one of those personalised cushions with a picture of our wedding on it. So much misdirected thoughtfulness. It sat in the cupboard for four years until I finally managed to 'lose' it when we moved.

I'd rather receive no gift than a massively thoughtless one.

I'm same as you OP - not materialistic; I believe it is the thought that counts more than how much it cost. But a stick of deodorant? Socks? Massively thoughtless. I don't know why she bothered.

My MIL always gets me deodorant, shower gel, toothpaste and shampoo/conditioner (in multipacks or bogof) every birthday and christmas. I like it as she gets my brands and I hardley bought any in the 7 years I've known dh.
Those tolietry sets you get such as bayliss and harding get donated to tombolas and the like if they end up my way.

My worst present was a chav style jumper from my uncle that was 2 sizes too small and said sexy beast on it .

My mum is queen of crap gifts as she buys any old shite and regifts off tombolas. One year she gave my db a set of gentleman's handkerchiefs. He was only 22 .
We have a bet on each who will get the worst gift, he won that year.
I won the year I got a diary for 3 years previous.

A very bitter family member of mine gave my 6'6, viking statured bearded DH a bottle of aftershave (that smelled like shit) and a size extra small plain black primark basics t shirt.

She got me a tattoo covering concealer and a dvd copy of Pretty Woman. She thought I was a gold digger and addressed the gifts to 'G.D.'