Have I unintentionally made this very awkward ??

[christmasfear]

Name changed.

I've been at a new job on and off for the past few months. I'm in my twenties and my colleague (kind of an unofficial supervisor) is in her fifties ish. She knows I don't have anyone to spend Christmas with this year. She invited me to stay with her over Xmas (in a support bubble so all would be safe) and said a lot of things like "I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it" and eventually after a bit of pushing from my friend (who's busy on Xmas sadly) I sent her an email saying it would be lovely to pop in and see her on Christmas Day. I sent this a few days back.

However, she's not responded to this at all and she's sent multiple subsequent emails to the team so I know she's been online and can read mine. I feel very awkward about the whole thing, as I'm worried she just meant it as a social nicety and doesn't know how to let me down gently. So AIBU to have said yes to it and assumed she wasn't just saying it as an empty idea? I can't imagine anything more awkward than saying something just to be nice and having the other person respond with "yes please!" (or words to that effect).

Hahaha, thank you Cactus and Fabby! I bought her some chocolate as part of a gift but I'm just going to (passive aggressively) eat them tomorrow morning I think

May pop off and do a face mask, trying to keep positive. Have a lovely Christmas all, thank you for your kindnesses ❤💚❤

You are better off without her. Have a lovely day, take it easy and spoil yourself. Merry Christmas

Gosh, that’s terrible. Were you tempted to follow up over the past few days?

I was thinking of sending her another email Tina but I thought why expend the energy? I'm not going to jump through hoops to make her comfortable when she could have quite simply sent out a few lines of response and made this much less awkward for everyone.
I'll be civil but I'm not bending over backwards for social niceties anymore.

(sorry rant over, as you can probably guess a bit hurt and frustrated by this outcome but trying to keep positive. I don't know how she will behave when I next see her though!)

I find that quite shocking tbh. Really rude.

Merry Christmas OP!

Have a lovely Christmas. Don't worry about seeing her, she is the one who should feel awkward. x

I've just read through this thread and your kindness and great sense of humour jumps out of your posts.

You're not alone in feeling awkward in social interactions like this. Who knows what goes through other people's minds, it's a mystery to me sometimes and I'm quite old

Perhaps look on this as a lucky escape, the whole day could have been fraught with trying to politely respect the family's traditions and foibles and wondering if you were outstaying your welcome.

My first Christmas dinner with a boyfriend's family was a complete social minefield.

I made a faux pas of starting to eat when the whole family expected me to join in with a circular cracker pulling thing where they all linked up round the table. Then everybody chatted about family friends and laughed at family in jokes. All I did was sit there pretending I knew who they were talking about, laughing occasionally like a twat.

Then the present opening, where only one family member could open gifts at a time, feeling them first and making guesses while we all looked on. My shoulders were up round my ears with the tension of it all.

Forget this email debacle now and make the best of your day. You've done nothing wrong.

Merry Christmas

Hope you have a lovely Christmas regardless! I'd loved to have you as a guest! xxx

Merry Christmas OP. I hope you have a fab day and a very happy New Year. You sound so lovely!

I checked back a few times and hoped the lady had got in touch.

Im sorry she did this to you, it's proper shitty. You did nothing wrong at all

I hope you're able to have a lovely day. 🎅 Watch your favourite things, eat your favourite food whatever that is. We're not having Turkey dinner xxx

What an awful thing to do to something - sorry, OP.

Merry Christmas

YANBU. It was offered. If she didn't mean it, she shouldn't say it, and should not be surprised if people take her up on the offer rather than be alone at xmas! I know a few who 'offered' to do xmas dinner for people, yet have been mortified if they have said yes. Why?! I get pretending to be nice/polite, but..just no. And if you insist on it, then you have to d it if they say yes, surely?!

Oh dear. To be honest, I think the mostly likely explanation is that she's had a really scatterbrained, stressful week and has completely forgotten about it, or your email has been blocked by an overactive spam filter. It'll be some misunderstanding - she may have felt awkward, procrastinated on the reply and then will feel awful when she realised she didn't get round to replying. Something like that is far more likely that her brazenly ignoring you for whatever reason. I hope you don't feel too bad about it and manage to have a lovely day

Happy Christmas ♥

How was your day in the end OP? 😁 x

God that's going to be so awkward when back at work.

She should feel really bad.

I hope you had a good day anyway.

@dudsville

She should have replied. If it were me I'd send a follow up message that allowed for her to back out gracefully, something along the lines of "Hi x, what with the current announcement i wanted to check in with you about christmas day. As lovely as your offer is I'm aware that it may not be feasible. What do you think?"

This ^

Op: you sound like a lovely and fun person.

You didn't make it akward. Not at all!

I hope you've been enjoying your Christmas and the wine. Cheers

If anyone should feel awkward it's her!
I hope you had a lovely and relaxing day.

Thank you for your well wishes everyone, I really appreciate it! I hope you've all had a lovely Christmas too x
She's still not responded at all but I managed to cook up some nice Christmas dinner yesterday and watched some Desperate Housewives .

God that's going to be so awkward when back at work.

Oh, I know! 😳
How does everyone think I should approach it when I see her in person? Pretend nothing ever happened or try to clear the air? I'm dreading going back, honestly, I can't think of any way to salvage this situation.

How does everyone think I should approach it when I see her in person? Pretend nothing ever happened or try to clear the air? I'm dreading going back, honestly, I can't think of any way to salvage this situation.

Do nothing. Feel confident in the knowledge that you did nothing wrong and acted (imo) perfectly reasonably and well-mannered...

I'd chalk it up to experience and keep my distance and take everything she says with a pinch of salt in the future. Unless she offers a genuine apology or shows signs of wanting to talk it through then I'd clear the air.

Remember she has behaved like a shit, you havent got anything to feel awkward for. Clearing the air only works when there is a relationship to salvage and you think they're a nice person and want to be friends going forward. You could always ask 'what happened to my invite then!' but given her lack of ability to be straightforward I'm not sure she will be truthful or make a joke back, my bet is with someone like that they will make out like its actually your fault (they messaged you and you didnt get it or something) or get defensive. I'd be polite and civil but not go out of my way for her

Bless you x I think just chat and say did you have a nice Christmas, and then say I did send an email accepting your invite but you didn't reply so I'm just pre warning you as I know you won't have seen it xxx then say oh no please don't worry to be honest with the announcement I think I would have said no closer to the time. Oh yes I had a lovely day thank you very relaxing. Just brush it off x

Glad you had a lovely day. 💐
I wouldn’t feel awkward at all. You have done nothing wrong. I wouldn’t try to clear the air either. I would remain civil and polite, but keep my distance when back at work.