Or is this message inappropriate?

[messagemonkey]

I'm currently off work with covid one of my colleagues was asking in a team WhatsApp how I was doing, I said I was much better and in mentioning loss of taste etc I mentioned that I'd been off food a bit and had lost some weight, it was said quite jokingly in the context of the conversation.

Anyway, one of my colleagues messaged me out of the group chat to say he's glad I'm feeling better and that I definitely don't need to lose weight. He's my mentor as I only started in September and although the same job I did before it's a different department. He has messaged me separately from the group chat before but generally about work, the odd are you having a nice weekend type thing, we're not overly friendly. I replied thanks and that the weight thing was only said jokingly.
Then he replied, I'd say your body is about perfect in my opinion.
I feel really uncomfortable with that second part of the message. I haven't replied and I'm really not sure if I should or not. Part of me wants to say that's inappropriate I'd rather you not message me like that, but am I being over dramatic?

We're both in relationships too. I've got a partner and two young dc, he's around 10 years older than me and married with dc.

Sorry, no not tall and bald. Well tallish, but not bald.

I will message in the morning to say it's not appropriate and if he messages like that again I'll speak to hr.

He's definitely testing the waters here. However, all you need do is not respond to it at all and that should be sufficient. But do keep your messages.

The bit with the emoji needs reporting, as does his personal judgment of your body. I wouldn't respond. See if he digs himself any further into this hole. Make sure you have screenshots, and keep your complaint simple and factual.

He has fully shot himself in the foot.

if he messages like that again I'll speak to hr

If you don't report him, he'll just move on and do it to someone else. Why does he get let off when he's already committed the offence?

@ILoveAllRainbowsx

I met my husband at work, and he completely innocently said things that women took the wrong way when we were seeing each other.

I know he did not mean to come across as sleezy as I had access to his email and he knew that. But he made, what he thought was an innocent comment and the women took it the wrong way. He was so embarassed on both occasions.

We laugh about it now, but at the time, he was really worried that he had said something that could get him in to trouble. Luckily, neither of the women took it any further and he was, of course, much more careful in future (he use to get me to read anything that could be seen as controversial before he sent them).

Yikes.

Totally inappropriate. Wonder if he’ll apologise in the morning?

Oh sorry,just read the rest of your updates. Ignore my previous message. Yes, you absolutely need to tell him that it's inappropriate behaviour! He's a sleaze! Report to HR too if you don't feel that he takes your message on board.

Just seen your update. Get those screenshots to HR. Don't engage.
He's your mentor, a trusted position, and he is abusing it big style.
Don't reply to him if you don't want to be involved, HR will take over.

I know @Eckhart. I'm usually not a keep quite person either. It just honestly feels so out of character I'm really shocked.

I agree with the screenshot advice but also fgs tell your husband what is happening now. So he doesn’t find the picture on your iCloud or whatever in 12 months and think wtf is going on.

Partner not husband @AppleKatie. I'm going to tell him, he's just upstairs working as he's got lots to catch up on as the dc haven't made working from home easy on him while I've been unwell.

He’s a nasty little creep. He’s already said he knows it’s not an appropriate thing to message you, then because you said nothing he doubled down. This is not an ignore him situation. You already ignored him and he took it as a green light to continue.

OP it’s awkward to be the one who makes a fuss, but this bloke knows what he’s doing, he knows it’s poor behaviour yet he still chooses to continue. Please report him to HR, because if you don’t he’ll think it’s ok to go on and do it to the next woman, and the next woman might be intimidated by him.

To the poster who suggested to mention her husband, nope. The way to get rid of a pestering man is not to tell him you belong to another man. Women should not be pestered, whether they have a male partner or not. Women aren’t the property of men and it’s not helpful to perpetuate that attitude.

Yikes Quite!

OP I’m really sorry you’re having to deal with this. I agree with the advice to send something short and clear. Don’t be tempted to try anything “witty”.

This is sexual harassment and I would definitely report him to HR.

Good for you OP - he’s hoping you’ll encourage him at best or ignore out of embarrassment at worst.
They never think they’ll actually be consequences and get called out on it.

I'd accidentally-on-purpose send the screenshots to the group chat before apologising & saying I'd been trying to send it to HR... I wouldn't let him get away with it & I wouldn't be treating it like a dirty secret I was ashamed of.

Nope, ignore my last advice in this case. Love-heart-eye-emoji, how fucking dare he?

Do HR - what a fucking sleaze bag ..

Ugh definitely creepy! Takes me back to a time in my job where I’d been working there for 6 months and one of my colleagues who’s nearly twice my age was sending me inappropriate emails 😖 I raised it with a senior and he got a slap on the wrist, despite other women saying he’d emailed them! Took me a long time to even be comfortable working around him and I still don’t like to see him, luckily working from home more now! And I’ve moved departments but the uncomfortable feeling still stays

He’s already shown that a lack of consequences leads to repeated sexual harassment. Even if he gets bored of the lack of response from OP he’ll be pestering some other woman next, and he’ll keep on doing it until he gets consequences.

It’s absolutely shit that women have to be put in the situation of reporting these shits and going through all the stress it creates, but sadly he’s already shown that he’ll continue until stopped.

@messagemonkey

He just sent another message saying Sorry, I probably shouldn't have sent that.

I think I'll reply, no it's inappropriate.

If you have to reply, ask him to only message on the group chat in future.

Block him!

I would ignore it this one time.
And put zero interest in anything he says that is not work related, and mention your partner.
To make the message clear.
But if he does say anything similar again, I would say something.

He is for sure drunk. What a clown.

Tell him he is being inappropriate and tell him not to message you again. I wouldn’t go to HR though unless he continues to message you this nonsense, but that’s just me though.

Don’t reply. Send it all to HR. Make it clear when you return to work that you don’t expect him to be there. This is classic sexual harassment.

I was going to post that a firm reply that the original 2nd comment was totally inappropriate, and that you were surprised at the unprofessionalism, would be a good way to go, bearing in mind that you are going to be working with him going forward. But your update regarding the further comment and the emoji is a step too far. You do need to update HR.

But I would be clear with them that professionally there have been no issues and it is this personal contact breaching boundaries that is the issue. Calling this out for what it is.