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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Missing money

158 replies

tigerlily20 · 18/12/2020 20:37

Recently we needed some building work done at home by a local, reliable tradesmen, I wasn't at home at the time but gave dp the exact amount of the price of the works in cash plus a tip in a sealed envelope with the name of the builder on. He was staying at the property whilst the work was going on, so was able to pass on the envelope. He rang me later in the day to ask how much the work was going to be and I told him and asked why and he said he was counting through the money. I was annoyed as the envelope was sealed and I counted the money more than once but brushed it off and forgot about it. Fast forward weeks later, dp off-handedly said he had taken the tip out of the money for the builder and kept it for his own. I am annoyed but he says he can't see the big deal (I refuse to believe he doesn't know this was wrong), he didn't give the money back to me or tell me at the time or ring me to ask. I am fuming, aibu?

OP posts:
AnathemaPulsifer · 18/12/2020 20:39

YANBU. Whether it’s stealing from the builders or from you, it’s not ok.

Winterfellismyhome · 18/12/2020 20:41

Yanbu. Tell him to give you the money back. So cheeky

QueenOfLabradors · 18/12/2020 20:44

Does light fingered DP normally live with you? If he does, he should have paid his share of the costs rather than nick the builder's tip. And if he doesn't, he should definitely not be allowed to move in!

okokok000 · 18/12/2020 20:46

Why would he take the tip as his? As payment for being there and paying the builder? If so please start charging him for anything you do for him. He is a cheeky sod!

okokok000 · 18/12/2020 20:47

Honestly this would make me view him in a whole new light to be honest.

mineofuselessinformation · 18/12/2020 20:51

That makes him a thief - sorry.

Tonightstheteriyakichicken · 18/12/2020 20:53

dp off-handedly said he had taken the tip out of the money for the builder and kept it for his own. I am annoyed but he says he can't see the big deal (I refuse to believe he doesn't know this was wrong), he didn't give the money back to me or tell me at the time or ring me to ask
That would put me right off him. YANBU.

FizzyPink · 18/12/2020 20:54

That is shocking! Why on earth did he think it okay to steal the extra money?

Chailatte20 · 18/12/2020 20:55

I'd dump him as I wouldn't be able to trust him again. Dump and run.

UghNotThisAgain36 · 18/12/2020 20:55

He can't see that stealing from you is a big deal? Is he 3?

I would see him totally differently. Couldn't be in a relationship with a tea leaf. Massively unnattractive.

Bettysnow · 18/12/2020 20:56

No not good at all! I would demand it back and phone the builder asking him to call for his xmas tip. He shouldn't be allowed to keep this money

RosePetalss · 18/12/2020 20:56

I would not like this at all and would not be able to look at him the same way again.

Have you noticed other issues with money? Is he tight normally? Don’t like you spending?

DoubleDessertPlease · 18/12/2020 20:58

Wow he basically stole the money. The fact he can’t even see this is almost worse, I’d be having serious doubts about him tbh.

BlackCatShadow · 18/12/2020 21:01

Why did he do it? Is he broke?

ElizaLaLa · 18/12/2020 21:07

How did he justify taking it?

It's theft imo.

Bluntness100 · 18/12/2020 21:10

Eh what now? He stole the builders tip? Bin him off. What a loser.

PurpleMustang · 18/12/2020 21:12

Why did he decide to over rule your decision with your money and take it for himself?

WizardOfAus · 18/12/2020 21:13

So he’s a thief.

TokyoSushi · 18/12/2020 21:13

That's terrible!

Mochachoco · 18/12/2020 21:14

I can understand him opening the envelope if he maybe thought there might not be enough for the builder so just wanted to count it. I could also understand him thinking that you had put too much in and taken the 'tip' out (it is a bit weird to tip a builder). But then he should have returned the excess money to you. There is no excuse for him just keeping it whatsoever. I would have to end it and I don't say that often but his morals are really low and I couldn't look at him the same way again.

AdoraBell · 18/12/2020 21:16

It is theft. I would get rid of him. If he thinks this I right then he be dishonest in other ways.

Gardeniaofdelights · 18/12/2020 21:20

What a sneaky, dishonest arsehole!

ElizaLaLa · 18/12/2020 21:21

Mochachoco why would he need to open a sealed envelope of money that his partner counted several times? Is she not capable? Does he need to oversee these men situations too big for his pretty little lady?

Like fuck does he needs to count it. JFC. And he shouldn't be opening sealed correspondence between op and her builder.

And its perfectly normal to tip a builder.

HollyGoLoudly1 · 18/12/2020 21:24

You're supposed to tip tradesmen?? Is this common?

tigerlily20 · 18/12/2020 21:27

I could understand if he thought I had overcounted but when he rang to check the amount I mentioned there was a tip just in case he took it out. He has had money issues but I won't dripfeed you. This is a new low. We live together, and have children... there wasn't any urgent reason for him to keep that money, I sort all the bills, etc myself.

OP posts:
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