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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Missing money

158 replies

tigerlily20 · 18/12/2020 20:37

Recently we needed some building work done at home by a local, reliable tradesmen, I wasn't at home at the time but gave dp the exact amount of the price of the works in cash plus a tip in a sealed envelope with the name of the builder on. He was staying at the property whilst the work was going on, so was able to pass on the envelope. He rang me later in the day to ask how much the work was going to be and I told him and asked why and he said he was counting through the money. I was annoyed as the envelope was sealed and I counted the money more than once but brushed it off and forgot about it. Fast forward weeks later, dp off-handedly said he had taken the tip out of the money for the builder and kept it for his own. I am annoyed but he says he can't see the big deal (I refuse to believe he doesn't know this was wrong), he didn't give the money back to me or tell me at the time or ring me to ask. I am fuming, aibu?

OP posts:
LuckyNumberThirteen · 18/12/2020 21:27

How much was it?

tigerlily20 · 18/12/2020 21:30

@HollyGoLoudly1 I'm not sure, but I like tipping people. I remember how nice it was having tips when I worked in customer service. The builder is a good bloke, I always use him and recommend. So I'm gutted he didn't get the tip.

OP posts:
Freyaismyname · 18/12/2020 21:31

@okokok000

Honestly this would make me view him in a whole new light to be honest.
This
Hoppinggreen · 18/12/2020 21:33

He stole from you

Bluntness100 · 18/12/2020 21:33

What do you mean you sort the bills. Do you pay for everything? And now he’s robbing you?

Daphnise · 18/12/2020 21:33

This is not acceptable and should give you a very serious warning about DP.

It's standard MN advice to get rid of him- but in this case it is something you really do need to consider before more money is stolen buy this thief.

Leaannb · 18/12/2020 21:34

@tigerlily20

I could understand if he thought I had overcounted but when he rang to check the amount I mentioned there was a tip just in case he took it out. He has had money issues but I won't dripfeed you. This is a new low. We live together, and have children... there wasn't any urgent reason for him to keep that money, I sort all the bills, etc myself.
You need to get rid of him
HeronLanyon · 18/12/2020 21:35

Good god this is awful. In order the builder not getting the tip, him opening and taking money from the envelope at all and without telling/checking with you and finally his not telling you (until it came out).

If this was your money this is theft aggravated by breach of trust and loss to the builder.
Really not funny. Serious and I couldn’t stay in a relationship with someone who did this. Or who would do this and think nothing of it.
Good luck op. Tosser.

Planty13 · 18/12/2020 21:40

OP He stole from you. That’s really shocking

Blanca87 · 18/12/2020 21:41

So he stole from you? He took the money and never gave it back to you? And you are wondering if this is okay? No it really isn’t.

Arrivederla · 18/12/2020 21:43

Bloody hell! What have I just read!! This is awful behaviour op. Angry

Charcutaria · 18/12/2020 21:44

Get shot of him, he's a thief. You live together and have children. You sort all bills out yourself. He's a fucking thief. DUMP DUMP. Klaxon sound he's not your Dear Partner, he's knobbut a lowlife thief.

TheMandalorian · 18/12/2020 21:46

So he knows you like to tip and decided to help himself to the tip instead. How often has he done this. Is he always the last one to leave a restaurant?
He must have some very good redeeming features?

Nottherealslimshady · 18/12/2020 21:50

He stole off you. He needs to give you that money back but I could never trust him again. Once a thief always a thief.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 18/12/2020 21:50

Thieving twat. Dump!

LemonSqueezy0 · 18/12/2020 21:50

Obviously you know he's a twat. And a thief .

But I'm wondering why he told you? He could have "got away" with it, and you wouldn't have known.

Is he that sure of your reaction? Does he want you to know how little he respects you? Is it thrilling to him, in some way?!

UndertheCedartree · 18/12/2020 21:51

Gosh, that is shocking! Shock

im5050 · 18/12/2020 22:02

tigerlily20
Im the same I always tip tradesman
I’ve done jobs in hospitality and I remember how nice it was to get tips
I think we are a rarity as they are always really shocked to get a tip

But I do have an ulterior motive I want them to come back if I have a problem with anything that’s been done and I think as I can afford it it’s a nice thing to do.
We had french shutters fitted recently. Small family run business father and son i tipped them both £20.

They did an excellent job, arrived on time and I was very happy with the work .
I tipped the two guys who delivered and put together my sofa as well.
I normally handle the money and give it to my husband to pay the guys
If he stole £10 -£20 I would be fucking furious and it would seriously make me rethink the relationship

ElizaLaLa · 18/12/2020 22:17

I think the money issues would be relevant, not a drip feed.

I'd be seriously considering the relationship if I were you op.

happystone · 18/12/2020 22:19

I all tip tradesmen. If they have done a good job and you don’t tip I think it’s something they will remeber

happystone · 18/12/2020 22:24

Allso as above I would like them to come back if there was a problem.My dad was a plumber and would always talk about the people who didn’t offer a cup or tea. If you offered my dad a cup of tea and bacon sandwich he would remember and go above and beyond for you.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 18/12/2020 22:27

So was it joint money paying for work on your jointly owned house?

Blubellsarebells · 18/12/2020 22:36

Sneaky thief.
I couldnt stand to be near him.
Why are you paying all the bills?

GinandGingerBeer · 18/12/2020 22:36

Oh that's awful.
I guess he has history..... ? I don't like mean people. I'm not surprised you're furious.

tigerlily20 · 18/12/2020 22:36

No it was my money, I own the house too.

OP posts:
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